The 2007 FFCC Awards

Associated Press

The FFCC Awards comprise two unique sets of awards - one subjective, voted on by a jury, the other based on numbers. We'll shortly be announcing the nominees.

The Jury Awards pay tribute to the best individual performances during the calendar year 2007. The winners, picked by FFCC's expert panel - comprising some of the world's most discerning observers of the game - from a shortlist compiled by the club's staff, will be announced at the February encampment extravaganza.

The other part, the Norris Stats Awards, is based on hard data. FFCC records data on 16 parameters for each ball bowled in indoor cricket. We can tell you who has been the most consistent batsman of the year, who has scored the greatest percentage of runs in boundaries, who has bowled the most dot-balls, and more. The awards in this category will also be announced live at the February encampment also.

Broadcast rights are currently being negotiated with a number of interested parties. A crucial part of the decision making process for the FFCC board hinges on the capacity of the successful bidder to perform a live outside broadcast from the Congo, location of this years FFCC encampment.

Awesome Fathers Foursome Create Cricketing History

The "Founding Fathers Memoirs" launched in the carpark tonight after the final chapter was written in a blaze of glory.

Tragically the scorecard spontaneously combusted due to the sheer heat of the Awesome Foursome.

Some of the highlights included:

Norris top scoring with 19 majestic runs and Itchy not far behind with a blazing 13.
Nads picked up 3 for -8 in the final over of the match and failed to take the hat trick on the final delivery in a close run out chance and earns himself a FINE!
Sitter of the Match went to Hugo (FINE) off his own bowling but took a screamer almost as good as the one handed beauty Nads took at the back FINE CREDIT!
Nads was the pick of the bowlers with 1 for 24 from his first two and then pulled them back in the final over finishing with figures of 4 for 16!
Itchy bowled three overs 1 for 25 from the first two and 0 for 19 in the penultimate over. (Ouch! 1 for 44 - that's a FINE!)
Norris was a tidy 1 for 31 from his two and Hugo raised the standard with 2 for 17 from two.
On the plus minus contribution Nads was runner up with -10 but Norris has him beat with -5 so it was basically pretty ugly.
Man of the Match award went once again to Norris mostly for sheer brilliance as Acting Gilly.
All Founding Fathers who didn't turn up tonight cop a DOUBLE FINE!
Itchy, Hugo, Norris and Nads - FINE CREDIT!

Next Tuesday - 9:30pm start:

1. Our Kylie (Captain)
2. Big Kev (beer boy)
3. Hugo
4. Itchy
5. Nads
6. Norris
7. Gilly
8. Kermie
_________________________________
9. Gladdy (drinks)
10. Madman (spare fielder)
11. Choco (displeased)
12. Harmie (fingersplint)
13. Mash (ring in)
14. Inzy (ankle)
15. Gristle (knee)
16. Mickey (thumb)
17. Snorkey (back soon)

Fathers hold firm in nail biter and dispel Norris hoodoo

Last week the proud Fathers team showed up at the Weston ICA to confront the intimidatingly named 'Thrill Killers'.

At first glance they seemed harmless enough but as all you regular readers will know looks, in this game, can sometimes be deceiving.

The Fathers, captained by Nads (or was it Itchy?), won the toss and elected to bat.

The rest is history, the Fathers won 165 to 161 in a nail biter.

As you can probably guess I've had a busy week so that's the shortest and possibly least interesting report you'll read all year, sorry.

Itchy

Champions of the world

The WICC Wiccly
Reporter Nads
16 January 2008

Fathers, welcome back after another top night……remember, folklore is made right about here somewhere.

97 to 164…Father’s victorious…A match full of highlights. Here’s a few:

After years of diligent backyard practice – windows broken, familial relationships tested….. quote Jasper ” daddy, what is a stump?? And why do I always have to be them?” - and having never quite successfully enacted a run out in a long and glorious career…upon Gilly bowling, Norris, with conviction, takes the gloves and throws down the bowlers stumps from keepers end (with gloves on). OUT!! ….champion.

Perhaps we should get him to wear a pair of gloves no matter where he fields……. I’ll play it again….Like Einstein's third law, time seems to stretch, the moment slows, we all sit back, like with TV remote in hand, we watch the replay, asNorro dexterously swoops, gathers, releases, the batter is closing in on the crease, but the closer he gets the more the slo of the mo kicks in, the ball tracers in, Nads at bowlers end readies to receives the yellow bullet, but he is made redundant with the ball smashing into the stumps, batter stranded………thinks Norro…” hmmm, happy now, thanks Jasper for all those long afternoons of (target) practice”

Itchy, notorious for his sublime footwork in the field (ie. Stopping the ball, picking up the ball, throwing the ball, all just with the use of his left instep), has a complete extreme makeover (mind meltdown), and picks up the ball with his meta carpals (after all these years of honing your foot skills, itch, what were you thinking??…. Potentially a career defining moment, putting a career on the line without even a split second moment of consideration)……but we gotta hand it to you itch, as not once, not twice (mate, I lost count), he takes the ball in hand, in that dreaded long off corner – a position made famous be the enigmatic Snorks (but where is he now – show us your sheep_ loved the touching swing video – I didn’t realize how sensitive you are), and Inzy, for his perpetual pirouetting (Inzy, it’s called cricket, not frigan Madam Butterfly) – and Itchy releases, demolishes the stumps – Itchy… you legend.

Madman – at short cover, a sublime gather with the left hand, transfer, turn and throw… another run out… but where were you when we needed you in the carpark, when accosted by those 4 foot tall teenagers. We could have done with your years of constabulary experience. Perhaps you could have posed the question “where did you get those UDL’s, and you, you handsome technicolour pride fellas, did you sell some to those kids”” Instead the comment was left to the Beat police that showed….. what an inane, and utterly rediculous question… what could 7 aging gay pride champions gain from off loading a few UDL’s??? My take is that those young constables just wanted a piece of our action… and why wouldn’t you??

Sean – nice commentary on the kids… incisive observation that their parents (or more pointedly, their two fathers) were just leaving the carpark as they arrived.

Once again a fine display of clean hitting, and express softening them up bowling (thanks Harmy) prior to unleashing the straight and full delivery to obliterate the stumps)

What is it with Gilly??? How many times does he grab the ball off the back net and blindfolded, back handed, flick it into the stumps for the runout. Last night, not sure about you, but I lost count. Next week, would someone bring him a pumpydoll??

And what an unsuspecting partnership he seems to be forming when he puts Norro behind the stumps. The Gilly bowling demon/Norro “just call me Rod Marsh ” partnership, always bring a cascade of wickets – perhaps one of life’s anomalies…I don’t know.

And what about the Hugo short leg fielding flick back to keeper Norro manouvre. From where I was standing it was worthy of the Go Nads unco weekly (GNUW) award… there seemed to be arms and legs everywhere – although I wasn’t sure which belonged to who… there was a moment when the two bodies seemed to merge as one….perhaps its something that only brothers can hope to understand…. I certainly didn’t get it, but a wicket resulted and the GNUW award is, for the first time, shared (and well deserved)…… which brings us to Hugo.. can bat, can bowl, can strain medial ligaments, and can take out the GNUW and sitter of the match award in the same match. Admired by all. Top work Hugoss.

Kermie – well wasn’t it just a delight for us all to see that he is human. Let me set the scene-> Norro, knowing the Father’s need to get off to a good start with their run chase, he opens the batting with the trusted Kermie, Kermie to face. First delivery faced he pops a powder puff to short mid on..OUT…(hard luck mate).. next ball run out.. The father’s are heading south.. good work Kermster…. But for mine his night does not really begin until the WICC post match woodland carparkventure. Here he is always found brainstorming (mostly on his own… but he needs no help)….. it would appear we are all now headed for a destination with a father’s working bee homemade wood fired pizza oven… Yes folks, we are not long from unveiling the first ever homemade Founding Father’s Supreme (easy on the anchovies)… Where would we be without that sort of clear Kermie direction. He already has a role for us all to play…. I’m just not sure how the Spanish sheep and olive combo is gonna be worked into it. But a Founding Father’s Supreme has got to have a few surprises, so Snorkel my friend, I’m sure you’ll play integral role.

For me the match was quite personal.

(1) What is it with guys hitting bullets my direction at subterranean level. Frig, have you taken a look at me, I’m no teenage 4 footer, my hammy’s are stretched to the max in just getting out of bed, and these guys expect me to catch the ball down there. Well, I had to oblige.

(2) And it was time for me to purge – sorry Gilly, but I needed a not out at bat, and unfortunate for you but you had to take the consequence of my batting misdemeanours.

(3) And for me, last night, it was about the carpark, two weeks running and the father’s just don’t seem to want to go home. CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD

PS: We flogged the twats.

Nads


Next weeks game is at 6.50pm

Team is:

Gilly
Itchy – acting captain
Nads – beer (not Light Ice you tight arse) boy
Kermeee
Madman
Harmy – aka Sean
Chocco
Miccy – are you ready to don the baggy gay pride?

FOUNDING FATHERS BOOK CHAPTER IN WISDEN BOOK OF CRICKET

A.K.A - NORRIS SPARKS THE FATHERS TO RESOUNDING VICTORY!!!!
8 JANUARY 2008

The Fathers blazed away blitzing The B*st*rd's 158 to practically Zip! (40) snapping a three game losing streak from when Norris was away on holiday!

At 6:50pm EST. all Fathers were STANDOUTS in an unbelievable beauty after losing the toss and being handed the opportunity of taking early wickets and imposing the impressive TIE DYE paraphernalia. It was Norrisses fifth straight undefeated match at the helm of the TIE DYED TYRANNOSAURUSES, the TIE DYED TASMANIA DEVILS - THE TIED EYED MONKEYS!!!!!!!!(racist b*st*rds - lose a couple of matches and they turn into a bunch of sooks! I reckon they should do us all a favour and just go home!)

There was no sitter of the match and it was all happening at the WICC tonight:
The Fathers cranked out wicket after wicket relentlessly - ALL FATHERS RIPPED IT TO SHREDS (even Nadses tidy 1 for 17 seemed expensive against some of the All Time Founding Fathers Bowling Greats! Norris (3 for 5) hit the pins twice in one match for the first time ever. But he was out done by Sir Gilly (4 for 6) who bowled his second over after copping a beauty behind the wickets in the left eye from a Norro delivery that pitched a good length on middle and off and swung in towards the right hander gliding ascendingly through the gate knocking the top of leg stump and ricocheting up into Gilly's closely watching eye! But Norris sorted out Gilly later with a lightening quick stumping taking the ball off the back net down leg side. Then off Gilly's final delivery Nads fielded brilliantly at the back attacking the overthrow attempt and let loose an absolute screamer down to Norris behind the stumps who coolly gathered the accurate missile and knocked the stumps cartwheeling down the wicket in a match defining display of sheer dominance. Gilly was on a hat trick but you know how these usually end - FINE!

Itchy (2 for 6) is Norrises preferred opener for any partnership and he didn't let down his Captain tonight opening the Fathers account with the intensity of an Ashes Series first ball splaying it wide of second slip. (FINE!)

Kermmie was far and away the Man of the Match figures of 4 for -1 and top scoring with the bat (35) not out for like the fourth time in six matches in a blazing, top scoring steady the ship partnership (58) with Norris who chipped in a handy 23. (After Norris was bowled FIRST BALL!!! - FINE!)

Debutant Adam (Madman) was ON FIRE taking 4 for -9 including a first ball wicket in a Founding Fathers Outfit joining the likes of Mickey and The Old Crow in the Founding Fathers Hall of Fame. He's hard pressed not to earn man of the match with +/- contribution of -36 equalling Rowan's effort. (Only 4 away from a FINE CREDIT - bummer!). Adam's final delivery resulted in a run out after the cheeky b*st*rds pinched an overthrow after a very close shot at the stumps went off the bat - they made that overthrow safely but then the cheeky little b*st*rds tried to pinch another one. But Gilly sorted them out by pinging the pins at the keepers end from mid wicket when they tried to pinch another. Serves the cheeky b*st*rds right I say. Noice work Gilly - FINE CREDIT! Adam finished on a hat trick and thus earns himself a FINE!

Hugo (1 for 6) tenderised them with sheer pace and closed out the account asking them to pick two bowlers for the final two overs.

Of note was the slow ball from Itchy that we haven't seen since his early days. Hope we don't see it again too soon either!

Kylie copped a FINE for making himself match ready the day before the match but then pulling out at the last moment for reasons that, under closer inspection, could possibly indicate a minor violation of the dreaded Rule 16!

Norris (1 for 7) and Gilly (2 for 10) were the extra bowlers.

There were only a couple of blunders in the field exposing the indoor cricket prowess of the younger players in the side:
Itchy was badly exposed for not knowing the "you can't enter the field of play in the middle of an over rule" when he departed the nets after bowling the first over without his box.
Nads was also badly exposed for not knowing the "when you only have seven you especially can't field five players in the front half of the court rule."
Kermie was exposed for not knowing the "when you catch the ball off the back net you are supposed to take a shot at the stumps rule" - nice catch Kermie!

So the fathers chased down 41 for victory and overhauled the necessary total from the first ball of the fourth over. From then on it was open up the shoulders season and Kermie was declaring intent early on. Somehow Kermie smashed a 7 from a short ball that pitched over his head. Nads played shots that go for sixes and fours over the field but was luckless amassing 27 from two innings. Itchy (13) was all class getting caught just the once but then bowed out bowled off the final ball of the partnership - FINE! One eyed Gilly battled on with seemingly battle weary Nads and was caught once and run out once adding 10 to the mounting massacre.

But it wasn't over then - no way - it was just getting going!

Nads, Kermie, Gilly, and Itchy joined a team for an 8:10 match and Hugo was recruited for the other team in an unprecedented pitting of Founding Fathers against one another at a non-encampment venue - FINE to all! In the end Hugo kicked their butts and there was plenty of carpark cheer happening including toasts and bottles clinking against one another. Itchy heeded the call for auxiliary beer bringing 28 for the night earning a FINE CREDIT! All 28 were consumed but the thirst was far from quenched and there was a call for another carton. After a quick run for sustenance (Maccas) by Kermie (FINE CREDIT!) Itchy, Nads, Norris, Kermie, Hugo and Gilly headed to the Irish Pub for a quiet one that has since become several thousand in Founding Fathers Folklore. (FINE CREDIT TO ALL!)

See youse all at Norro's 40th which was officially declared this evening as an Official Founding Father Function! That means FINES!
Norro

PS - Itchy bowled a girl in the second match - FINE!
PSS - Hugo announced him and his Lovely Missus are up the duff! FINE CREDIT!
PSSS - next week is an 8:10 start and its time for everyone to bring $100 (and Kermie is the beer boy!)

Lucky Charm Returns after testing of dubious action

The Father’s lucky charm, Norro, returns to the fray after a long absence from the game due to the ICC mandate to test all “dubious” actions by using a new and improving testing system called the “chuckernotme” which has been pioneered on a small unknown island off the USA called Hawaii. Norro failed testing and has undergone surgery to correct his crockered arm and is ready to fire for the fathers.

Some important news to hand:

Gladdy out of team until Feb, apparently needs a holiday from the team. Boo
Chocco nickname has been changed to tampon. As he is only good for one game every 4 weeks. Also mention of Chocco’s excuse for missing NYE at Norro’s place – painting the house. Who paints on NYE in 30 degree heat, has the fathers gone soft!!
Norro completed a 100 piece jigsaw of the MCG over the Christmas break – all was going well until Oscar chomped on the corner piece. Not really exciting but thought I’d mention it

So team for the new year:
Game: 8 Jan 07

Time: 6.50pm, arrive a bit earlier for some New years drinks and pre game settlers/ heart starters



Team:

Norro (Captain – reward for returning with his bent arm now fixed and cleared by the ICC)
Itchy
Kermmy (Norro can you please advise him and tell him to email new details/mobile
Nads
Gilly
Rosco
Hugo
Adam (new recruit – being tested)

On a side is anyone keen to get a fathers contingent to go to either of the following matches at Manuka oval:

30 Jan – PM’s II v Sri Lanka, 10am
12 Feb - Sri Lanka v India, 10am