The Mare has left the building.......NEIGH!

THE MAYOR’S LAST STAND

The 'Mare' (aka Mayor McCheese, aaka The Panther) led the Fathers out of the gates and pipped the Stump Jumpers at the post: 185 – 109. The Mare opened the batting and then later, with tears in his eyes, bowled the final victorious delivery of the match.

In his last stand, the newly dubbed The Mare, (as recorded on the official score card) wreaked havoc on the pitch belting runs with the bat and cutting batsmen in half with his bowling. “I reckon I bowled the best ball of my career in me first over mate ... NNEEEEIIGGHHHHH!!!” said the champagne soaked Mare in the post match press conference.

The Fathers put in an inspirational performance on the pitch and then raised the bar in post match festivities to send off The Mare in style. Even Billy the Kid weighed in with an announcement that he is finally making the Fathers honest men with the impending birth of Billy Junior.

There were jubilant calls of “Neeeeeeeighhhhhhh!!” throughout the traditional post match score card review.

“Not a bad time to semi-retire after a performance like that and with the lads making all those whinnying noises” said The Mare as he hooked into a post match bbq garlic prawn roll.

The Fathers batted first:

The Mare 20 opened up with Billy the Dad 11 – Partnership 31;

Itchy 26 and Gilly 11 followed up with 37;

Choco 29 and China 15 raised the bar with 44; and

Nads 46 and Norris 27 put the result beyond doubt with a massive 73 run (not out) partnership

The Fathers defended 185:

Billy the Dad (4 for 7) struck early with a first ball jack pot wicket; the Slump Jumpers reeled.

The Mare (2 for 10) menaced the first partnership taking 2 for -1 to deny the first skin. The Slumpers shoulders dropped.

Itchy (3 for 2), Gilly (3 for 22) and Norris (3 for 16) were tidy denying a seemingly certain second skin. The Slumpers stewed. The Mare broke into a trot.

Choco (3 for 17), China (1 for 22), Norris and Gilly combined for 7 wickets to secure the third skin. Norris (Legend) sensationally blasted the stumps in a spectacular run out off Gilly’s last ball to take the skin by 2 runs. Snorkey on the sidelines crossed his legs in excitement.

Billy the Dad, Itchy and Nads (3 for 13) did the work early in the fourth partnership taking 7 for -2 leaving The Mare 8 final deliveries before being carried from the pitch to his adoring fans in the grandstand. Nads earned the Captain Mare’s BUNS award with his positive contribution of 33 in a 76 run drubbing.

BBQ steak, onion, bacon and cheese rolls, beers and Harmie were on the menu at Chez Norrisses for a fire side match report chat that the neighbours will talk about for years. The Mare was sent off in style. Now piss off and go to Sydney Mare! NNEEEEEIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

PANTHER ADVISES FFCC BOARD "I'm Semi-Retiring"

The Mayor is heading north to fight crime in the cricket nets and car parks of Sydney and WE ARE SENDING HIM OFF!!

NEXT WEEK 6:50pm CRICKET MATCH – SAO TO ANNOUNCE THE EIGHT – The Mayor will be on deck to Captain the Fathers to victory one last time

Then, after glorious victory, off to Norrises pad TO SEND OFF THE MAYOR. BBQ, beers, tunes, cricket on the flat screen and match report highlights of the FFCC Champion career of The Mayor, it’ll be on for young and old. (Okay,… old) The FFCC Board will be accepting donations to pour The Mayor into the back of a taxi and send him on his way after a champagne and chicken breakfast. All FFCC members, Semi-retired or not, including Gladdy, are welcome to attend the send off. Send us an RSVP to help confirm required numbers of bottles of dom perrignon. (and sausages and steaks of course, cookies for dessert!) (There will be some lettuce in the fridge if Nads feels like a salad.) STEP UP FELLAS TO SEND OFF THE MAYOR!!!

MATCH REPORT FOR THIS WEEK

DEBITANT PLUGGER (SYMO) TAKES THREE FOR NOTHIN'

Harmie notched up another milestone smashing another million runs for the Fathers last night with Nads following close behind (sorry Nads - your second dig doesn't count). But there was no "dig" at all from limp-arsed, trouble-footed Norris or debutant Plugger. "Maate, you'll pull a hammy or a calf, let's drink a beer" said Norris early in the first over. Harmy smashed another million in his second dig. (but it doesn’t count). The Mayor hit a few sevens and China chipped in cleverly turning a few wide deliveries outside off stump down to fine leg for a quick single. Itchy chopped serious wood.

Norris and Plugger did their bit in the field and left the run chase to the professionals with The Mayor leading a top batting line up with Harmie and Nads blasting away, Itchy hit straight and hard through the back net and China wore a hole in the net between fine and square leg. While batting the Fathers were robbed no less than 16 runs through a hole in the back net and it would have been the difference.

Norris made his impact in the field by dropping a sitter off Pluggerses fourth delivery in the baggy tie dye. Norris missed a few other chances as well but didn't exactly stand out from a generally laclustre performance in the field. (Okay - he stood out a bit) High performance coach Itchy was not pleased. But the Captain Panther was always ready to take a wicket.

Anyways, later in Pluggerses first over The Mayor reeled one in (catch) and Pluggerses maiden Fatherses wicket was well earned. And there were more to come in Pluggerses next over and the tide was actually momentarily stemmed. Itchy regularly sent stumps catapulting pretty much everywhere and was basically miffed that he hadn’t been offered several contracts in Sydney ahead of The Mayor.

But the wickets were otherwise few and far between. The FFCC played without a wicket keeper and Harmie was pissed as there had been stumping opportunities galore off his bowling. Harmie finally unleashed a fireball and pegged back the leg stump with aplomb. (I always wanted to use the word ‘aplomb’ in a match report)

Plugger earned in his nickname through his cat-like display of skills in the field keeping the ball off the net and making the batsmen earn their runs with quick shies at the stumps and plenty of wickets along the way. Whilst rubbing his chin in afterthought Plugger said "Yes, well, wasn't gonna play tonight but seeing as yous guys only had five blokes thought I'd better PLUG a few holes for yous". AND PLUG HOLES HE DID. PLUGGER WAS BORN!

In the end the Fathers only barely missed out on chasing down 200 for victory. If Norris and Plugger had gone in at the death – who knows?

FFCC wins coz we can

Norris Diary entry 7 June 2011:

9pm arrive at car park for beers a 9:30pm start. No beer boy (Itchy) FINE!
Was keen to forget the cricket and hang out in the car park - beautiful evening, bit of rain about, -143 degrees celsius. Cars roll in first Snork then China, SAO.
9:15pm - still no Itchy - Double FINE!
9:16pm - Itchy and Nads arrive. Many tears of happiness that beer boy finally got there. Nads was well dressed complete with Friar Tuck and track pants tucked into socks with winter galoshes. The boys passed a hat around to raise funds for a new pair of pants but all funds raised (none) were redirected to new pair of childrens Xsml shorts for Newman.
9:20pm - Harmie, Gilly and the Prez roll in. No Billy.
9:30pm - head into stadium for match.
9:40pm - coin toss - Fathers lose toss and get sent in to bat. Still no Billy - FINE!

Partnership 1 - Harmy and Prez - 22 runs after two overs but a couple of late runouts and they finished on 31. Harmie 23, Prez 8.
Partnership 2 - Billy and SAO - scratched out 21 runs in gutsy effort. SAO 12, Billy 9
Partnership 3 - Nads and Gilly - steadied the ship with and effortless 44. Nads 19; Gilly 25
Partnership 4 - China and Itchy - pure entertainment - sparkling 44. China TOP SCORE 29 and Itchy 15.

FFCC 140 runs on the board. Defendable.

The worm tells the story - Cuz We Can't was off to a flier and looked to have it in the bag. Nadses shoulders dropped. The Fathers missed chance after chance. But the wheels fell off the run chase when CAPTAIN Gilly took the ball in hand in the 7th over. SAO did the damage in the 9th and China and The Prez finished the job in the 12th and 13th overs.Over 1 - Itchy 0 for 15
Over 2 - SAO 1 for 6
Over 3 - Billy 1 for 12
Over 4 - Prez 0 for 11
Over 5 - Harmy 0 for 21
Over 6 - Nads 0 for 12
Over 7 - Gilly 2 for -9
Over 8 - China 1 for 6
Over 9 - SAO 4 for -16
Over 10 - Billy 1 for 9
Over 11 - Harmie 1 for 7
Over 12 - China 4 for -13
Over 13 - Prez 4 for -23
Over 14 - Itchy 0 for 20
Over 15 - Gilly 4 for -13
Over 16 - Nads 2 for 1

FFCC defeat Cuz We Can't - 140 - 46

STAT OF NOTE
Last week we had an 111 run partnership.
This week, IN AN FFCC STATS FIRST - A single FFCC bowler leaked more than 75% of the total number of runs scored by our opponent! (from two regulation 8 ball overs)
FINE CREDIT to anyone who can name that Bowler!

Man of the Match - China
Best on Ground - CAPTAIN GILLY
Car Park - Esky completely drained.

New technology to lure back start player Gladdy

The less said about last nights game the better but suffice to say we need ya back Gladdy!

Norris models the latest in 'ball repelling' protective technology purchased by the FFCC at great expense to lure back all star Gladdy.

So how bout it? Ricky Nixon promises to manage your career from here on in!

Fathers take on the Dilberts and cock it up

The manifesto went exactly according to plan - except the coin toss and then pretty much everything after that.

We bowled and restricted them to 111. Harmie was on song. The Fathers were on fire.
Then we batted and all was in hand after Kyles and Nads put up a 50+ run partnership. The Fatherses minds turned to the car park.

Enter the sheer flamboyance of Norris and Itchy who barely (yet entertainingly!) scratched out a skin tying effort of -9!

Gilly gave Choc the death stare after getting run out off the jackpot ball in the third partnership. Choco was turned to stone. They staged a mini recovery but then lost 5 quick wickets for a -1 run partnership.

Harmie and Gristle needed 70 odd to win and it came down to the last ball. A seven was required and Harmie managed to get it past four fielders on the back net for a side back four - they scrambled an overthrow and Harmie was run out only metres out of his ground going for the tie on the second overthrow.

In the car park the Fathers regained the momentum and ran away clear winners. Harmie was Man of the Car Park with Stella's and Crownies and there was much rejoicing. A 12am effort.

Noice work Fathers!

Special mention to Hugos who earned himself a Fine Credit for taking out the cheerleader of the match (award).

Mrs Gristle helps Fathers win two run cliffhanger

NADSES forward leave off the last ball for VICTORY was described by many
at the WICC (well at least Norris) “as one of the finest forward leaves the
indoor version of the game has ever seen”. Of course this sentiment
brought much rejoicing in the car park.

In the evening shadow of the WICC, under the watchful eye of National
Selectors looking for rising talent to replace the struggling Australian
Test team, Nads (MAN OF THE MATCH) casually left a ball pitched well
outside off and in the true spirit of the game took a lovely exaggerated
step forward (imitated later in the car park by Norris) with bat tucked in
nicely and watched it pass whilst ensuring the back foot was well
entrenched inside the popping crease in the bush land setting in the car
park.
“I think they partly want me for my bowling but mostly for my body
language” said Nads after signing a multi-year, multi-million dollar deal.
“Blow test cricket” said Itchy (OTHER MAN OF THE MATCH) who was heard
saying “IPL, here I come!”.
This after putting seven runs on the board in the first two overs chasing
49 to win. In the penultimate over Nads and Itchy hit consecutive sevens
and then Nads added another seven off the last ball of the over.
Harmie has been picked as spinner for the next test and Watto has been
left out for the up and comer Norro who currently has a batting average
resembling the recent of rainfall in south east Queensland. “Seeing it like
a basketball baby” said Norro after a few pre-match chardies.

There was no Mrs Gristle.

16 runs were required for victory in the final over. It went:
Itchy 1
Nads 1
Itchy 1
Nads 7
Itchy 4
Nads 2 (to take the lead by 1)
Itchy 1 (scrambled a single)
Nads 0 (beautiful, watchful forward leave for victory)
The penultimate ball faced by Itchy was as full of excitement and drama as
any a ball has ever been bowled. “I’m here to entertain basically; I like
to make sure the punters get their money’s worth mate. Get out of my way
I’m headed for the car park. ” said the Itchmeister. The instant replay
showed not only was the bat grounded before the stumps were broken, Itchy
was already in the car park, beer in hand.
With the Fathers ahead by one with two balls to come, Itchy opted for a
bump and run to mid wicket and only sheer guts and unequalled high
performance gusto reached his ground well before the direct hit. Itchy
smashed 23 and Nads top scored with 27.
The two run victory had Captain Harmie (Man of the Match) pissed and
amazed. “I never thought they would come close to my partnership total of
38 with Norris (Other Man of the Match). Harmie went on “Nads and Itchy
benefitted tremendously by the platform laid down by me and Norro.” Never
was a truer word spoken by such a noble Captain.
Gilly 20 (MAN OF THE MATCH) and The Mayor 11 did just enough as it turned
out in the premiership partnership. They were well on track for the skin
of 45 but a few late wickets and 31 was posted.
Choco (OTHER MAN OF THE MATCH) niggled 14 runs (including two 7’s in the
first over!) in a SKIN WINNING 15 run partnership with SAO who didn’t bat
too badly AT ALL!

Bowling
Captain Harmie 2 for 20
Norris 1 for 20
Gilly 3 for 2
Choco 2 for 16
Itchy 0 for 29
The Mayor 1 for 24
SAO 2 for 12
Nads 3 for 11

The National Selectors at the WICC this evening made key decisions for
Australia’s next ODI squad:
1. The Mayor (opener)
2. Itchy (opener)
3. Choco (first drop)
4. Nads (second drop)
5. Harmie (Captain)
6. Norris (All rounder)
7. Gilly (Wicket keeper)
8. Madman (pace and bounce)
9. SAO (baffling variation)
10. The Prez (king of swing)
11. The Snorkmeister (champion)
Drinks – Gladdy
Minky Whales – Kermie
The Selectors (i.e. Norris) can be influenced (inappropriately) if you are
a TRIED and TESTED FFCC IMMORTAL and reckon you have a claim on a position
in the eleven. (e.g Bily the Kid, Freaky, Rhoid, Newman, Others)

NEXT WEEK DOUBLE HEADER 6:50 and 8:10. First in best dressed.