The Mare has left the building.......NEIGH!

THE MAYOR’S LAST STAND

The 'Mare' (aka Mayor McCheese, aaka The Panther) led the Fathers out of the gates and pipped the Stump Jumpers at the post: 185 – 109. The Mare opened the batting and then later, with tears in his eyes, bowled the final victorious delivery of the match.

In his last stand, the newly dubbed The Mare, (as recorded on the official score card) wreaked havoc on the pitch belting runs with the bat and cutting batsmen in half with his bowling. “I reckon I bowled the best ball of my career in me first over mate ... NNEEEEIIGGHHHHH!!!” said the champagne soaked Mare in the post match press conference.

The Fathers put in an inspirational performance on the pitch and then raised the bar in post match festivities to send off The Mare in style. Even Billy the Kid weighed in with an announcement that he is finally making the Fathers honest men with the impending birth of Billy Junior.

There were jubilant calls of “Neeeeeeeighhhhhhh!!” throughout the traditional post match score card review.

“Not a bad time to semi-retire after a performance like that and with the lads making all those whinnying noises” said The Mare as he hooked into a post match bbq garlic prawn roll.

The Fathers batted first:

The Mare 20 opened up with Billy the Dad 11 – Partnership 31;

Itchy 26 and Gilly 11 followed up with 37;

Choco 29 and China 15 raised the bar with 44; and

Nads 46 and Norris 27 put the result beyond doubt with a massive 73 run (not out) partnership

The Fathers defended 185:

Billy the Dad (4 for 7) struck early with a first ball jack pot wicket; the Slump Jumpers reeled.

The Mare (2 for 10) menaced the first partnership taking 2 for -1 to deny the first skin. The Slumpers shoulders dropped.

Itchy (3 for 2), Gilly (3 for 22) and Norris (3 for 16) were tidy denying a seemingly certain second skin. The Slumpers stewed. The Mare broke into a trot.

Choco (3 for 17), China (1 for 22), Norris and Gilly combined for 7 wickets to secure the third skin. Norris (Legend) sensationally blasted the stumps in a spectacular run out off Gilly’s last ball to take the skin by 2 runs. Snorkey on the sidelines crossed his legs in excitement.

Billy the Dad, Itchy and Nads (3 for 13) did the work early in the fourth partnership taking 7 for -2 leaving The Mare 8 final deliveries before being carried from the pitch to his adoring fans in the grandstand. Nads earned the Captain Mare’s BUNS award with his positive contribution of 33 in a 76 run drubbing.

BBQ steak, onion, bacon and cheese rolls, beers and Harmie were on the menu at Chez Norrisses for a fire side match report chat that the neighbours will talk about for years. The Mare was sent off in style. Now piss off and go to Sydney Mare! NNEEEEEIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

PANTHER ADVISES FFCC BOARD "I'm Semi-Retiring"

The Mayor is heading north to fight crime in the cricket nets and car parks of Sydney and WE ARE SENDING HIM OFF!!

NEXT WEEK 6:50pm CRICKET MATCH – SAO TO ANNOUNCE THE EIGHT – The Mayor will be on deck to Captain the Fathers to victory one last time

Then, after glorious victory, off to Norrises pad TO SEND OFF THE MAYOR. BBQ, beers, tunes, cricket on the flat screen and match report highlights of the FFCC Champion career of The Mayor, it’ll be on for young and old. (Okay,… old) The FFCC Board will be accepting donations to pour The Mayor into the back of a taxi and send him on his way after a champagne and chicken breakfast. All FFCC members, Semi-retired or not, including Gladdy, are welcome to attend the send off. Send us an RSVP to help confirm required numbers of bottles of dom perrignon. (and sausages and steaks of course, cookies for dessert!) (There will be some lettuce in the fridge if Nads feels like a salad.) STEP UP FELLAS TO SEND OFF THE MAYOR!!!

MATCH REPORT FOR THIS WEEK

DEBITANT PLUGGER (SYMO) TAKES THREE FOR NOTHIN'

Harmie notched up another milestone smashing another million runs for the Fathers last night with Nads following close behind (sorry Nads - your second dig doesn't count). But there was no "dig" at all from limp-arsed, trouble-footed Norris or debutant Plugger. "Maate, you'll pull a hammy or a calf, let's drink a beer" said Norris early in the first over. Harmy smashed another million in his second dig. (but it doesn’t count). The Mayor hit a few sevens and China chipped in cleverly turning a few wide deliveries outside off stump down to fine leg for a quick single. Itchy chopped serious wood.

Norris and Plugger did their bit in the field and left the run chase to the professionals with The Mayor leading a top batting line up with Harmie and Nads blasting away, Itchy hit straight and hard through the back net and China wore a hole in the net between fine and square leg. While batting the Fathers were robbed no less than 16 runs through a hole in the back net and it would have been the difference.

Norris made his impact in the field by dropping a sitter off Pluggerses fourth delivery in the baggy tie dye. Norris missed a few other chances as well but didn't exactly stand out from a generally laclustre performance in the field. (Okay - he stood out a bit) High performance coach Itchy was not pleased. But the Captain Panther was always ready to take a wicket.

Anyways, later in Pluggerses first over The Mayor reeled one in (catch) and Pluggerses maiden Fatherses wicket was well earned. And there were more to come in Pluggerses next over and the tide was actually momentarily stemmed. Itchy regularly sent stumps catapulting pretty much everywhere and was basically miffed that he hadn’t been offered several contracts in Sydney ahead of The Mayor.

But the wickets were otherwise few and far between. The FFCC played without a wicket keeper and Harmie was pissed as there had been stumping opportunities galore off his bowling. Harmie finally unleashed a fireball and pegged back the leg stump with aplomb. (I always wanted to use the word ‘aplomb’ in a match report)

Plugger earned in his nickname through his cat-like display of skills in the field keeping the ball off the net and making the batsmen earn their runs with quick shies at the stumps and plenty of wickets along the way. Whilst rubbing his chin in afterthought Plugger said "Yes, well, wasn't gonna play tonight but seeing as yous guys only had five blokes thought I'd better PLUG a few holes for yous". AND PLUG HOLES HE DID. PLUGGER WAS BORN!

In the end the Fathers only barely missed out on chasing down 200 for victory. If Norris and Plugger had gone in at the death – who knows?