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The Mare has left the building.......NEIGH!

2011-08-11T12:17:00.008+10:00

THE MAYOR’S LAST STAND

The 'Mare' (aka Mayor McCheese, aaka The Panther) led the Fathers out of the gates and pipped the Stump Jumpers at the post: 185 – 109. The Mare opened the batting and then later, with tears in his eyes, bowled the final victorious delivery of the match.

In his last stand, the newly dubbed The Mare, (as recorded on the official score card) wreaked havoc on the pitch belting runs with the bat and cutting batsmen in half with his bowling. “I reckon I bowled the best ball of my career in me first over mate ... NNEEEEIIGGHHHHH!!!” said the champagne soaked Mare in the post match press conference.

The Fathers put in an inspirational performance on the pitch and then raised the bar in post match festivities to send off The Mare in style. Even Billy the Kid weighed in with an announcement that he is finally making the Fathers honest men with the impending birth of Billy Junior.

There were jubilant calls of “Neeeeeeeighhhhhhh!!” throughout the traditional post match score card review.

“Not a bad time to semi-retire after a performance like that and with the lads making all those whinnying noises” said The Mare as he hooked into a post match bbq garlic prawn roll.

The Fathers batted first:

The Mare 20 opened up with Billy the Dad 11 – Partnership 31;

Itchy 26 and Gilly 11 followed up with 37;

Choco 29 and China 15 raised the bar with 44; and

Nads 46 and Norris 27 put the result beyond doubt with a massive 73 run (not out) partnership

The Fathers defended 185:

Billy the Dad (4 for 7) struck early with a first ball jack pot wicket; the Slump Jumpers reeled.

The Mare (2 for 10) menaced the first partnership taking 2 for -1 to deny the first skin. The Slumpers shoulders dropped.

Itchy (3 for 2), Gilly (3 for 22) and Norris (3 for 16) were tidy denying a seemingly certain second skin. The Slumpers stewed. The Mare broke into a trot.

Choco (3 for 17), China (1 for 22), Norris and Gilly combined for 7 wickets to secure the third skin. Norris (Legend) sensationally blasted the stumps in a spectacular run out off Gilly’s last ball to take the skin by 2 runs. Snorkey on the sidelines crossed his legs in excitement.

Billy the Dad, Itchy and Nads (3 for 13) did the work early in the fourth partnership taking 7 for -2 leaving The Mare 8 final deliveries before being carried from the pitch to his adoring fans in the grandstand. Nads earned the Captain Mare’s BUNS award with his positive contribution of 33 in a 76 run drubbing.

BBQ steak, onion, bacon and cheese rolls, beers and Harmie were on the menu at Chez Norrisses for a fire side match report chat that the neighbours will talk about for years. The Mare was sent off in style. Now piss off and go to Sydney Mare! NNEEEEEIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

PANTHER ADVISES FFCC BOARD "I'm Semi-Retiring"

2011-08-05T18:55:00.010+10:00

The Mayor is heading north to fight crime in the cricket nets and car parks of Sydney and WE ARE SENDING HIM OFF!!

NEXT WEEK 6:50pm CRICKET MATCH – SAO TO ANNOUNCE THE EIGHT – The Mayor will be on deck to Captain the Fathers to victory one last time

Then, after glorious victory, off to Norrises pad TO SEND OFF THE MAYOR. BBQ, beers, tunes, cricket on the flat screen and match report highlights of the FFCC Champion career of The Mayor, it’ll be on for young and old. (Okay,… old) The FFCC Board will be accepting donations to pour The Mayor into the back of a taxi and send him on his way after a champagne and chicken breakfast. All FFCC members, Semi-retired or not, including Gladdy, are welcome to attend the send off. Send us an RSVP to help confirm required numbers of bottles of dom perrignon. (and sausages and steaks of course, cookies for dessert!) (There will be some lettuce in the fridge if Nads feels like a salad.) STEP UP FELLAS TO SEND OFF THE MAYOR!!!

MATCH REPORT FOR THIS WEEK

DEBITANT PLUGGER (SYMO) TAKES THREE FOR NOTHIN'

Harmie notched up another milestone smashing another million runs for the Fathers last night with Nads following close behind (sorry Nads - your second dig doesn't count). But there was no "dig" at all from limp-arsed, trouble-footed Norris or debutant Plugger. "Maate, you'll pull a hammy or a calf, let's drink a beer" said Norris early in the first over. Harmy smashed another million in his second dig. (but it doesn’t count). The Mayor hit a few sevens and China chipped in cleverly turning a few wide deliveries outside off stump down to fine leg for a quick single. Itchy chopped serious wood.

Norris and Plugger did their bit in the field and left the run chase to the professionals with The Mayor leading a top batting line up with Harmie and Nads blasting away, Itchy hit straight and hard through the back net and China wore a hole in the net between fine and square leg. While batting the Fathers were robbed no less than 16 runs through a hole in the back net and it would have been the difference.

Norris made his impact in the field by dropping a sitter off Pluggerses fourth delivery in the baggy tie dye. Norris missed a few other chances as well but didn't exactly stand out from a generally laclustre performance in the field. (Okay - he stood out a bit) High performance coach Itchy was not pleased. But the Captain Panther was always ready to take a wicket.

Anyways, later in Pluggerses first over The Mayor reeled one in (catch) and Pluggerses maiden Fatherses wicket was well earned. And there were more to come in Pluggerses next over and the tide was actually momentarily stemmed. Itchy regularly sent stumps catapulting pretty much everywhere and was basically miffed that he hadn’t been offered several contracts in Sydney ahead of The Mayor.

But the wickets were otherwise few and far between. The FFCC played without a wicket keeper and Harmie was pissed as there had been stumping opportunities galore off his bowling. Harmie finally unleashed a fireball and pegged back the leg stump with aplomb. (I always wanted to use the word ‘aplomb’ in a match report)

Plugger earned in his nickname through his cat-like display of skills in the field keeping the ball off the net and making the batsmen earn their runs with quick shies at the stumps and plenty of wickets along the way. Whilst rubbing his chin in afterthought Plugger said "Yes, well, wasn't gonna play tonight but seeing as yous guys only had five blokes thought I'd better PLUG a few holes for yous". AND PLUG HOLES HE DID. PLUGGER WAS BORN!

In the end the Fathers only barely missed out on chasing down 200 for victory. If Norris and Plugger had gone in at the death – who knows?

FFCC wins coz we can

2011-06-08T18:39:00.004+10:00

Norris Diary entry 7 June 2011:

9pm arrive at car park for beers a 9:30pm start. No beer boy (Itchy) FINE!
Was keen to forget the cricket and hang out in the car park - beautiful evening, bit of rain about, -143 degrees celsius. Cars roll in first Snork then China, SAO.
9:15pm - still no Itchy - Double FINE!
9:16pm - Itchy and Nads arrive. Many tears of happiness that beer boy finally got there. Nads was well dressed complete with Friar Tuck and track pants tucked into socks with winter galoshes. The boys passed a hat around to raise funds for a new pair of pants but all funds raised (none) were redirected to new pair of childrens Xsml shorts for Newman.
9:20pm - Harmie, Gilly and the Prez roll in. No Billy.
9:30pm - head into stadium for match.
9:40pm - coin toss - Fathers lose toss and get sent in to bat. Still no Billy - FINE!

Partnership 1 - Harmy and Prez - 22 runs after two overs but a couple of late runouts and they finished on 31. Harmie 23, Prez 8.
Partnership 2 - Billy and SAO - scratched out 21 runs in gutsy effort. SAO 12, Billy 9
Partnership 3 - Nads and Gilly - steadied the ship with and effortless 44. Nads 19; Gilly 25
Partnership 4 - China and Itchy - pure entertainment - sparkling 44. China TOP SCORE 29 and Itchy 15.

FFCC 140 runs on the board. Defendable.

The worm tells the story - Cuz We Can't was off to a flier and looked to have it in the bag. Nadses shoulders dropped. The Fathers missed chance after chance. But the wheels fell off the run chase when CAPTAIN Gilly took the ball in hand in the 7th over. SAO did the damage in the 9th and China and The Prez finished the job in the 12th and 13th overs.Over 1 - Itchy 0 for 15
Over 2 - SAO 1 for 6
Over 3 - Billy 1 for 12
Over 4 - Prez 0 for 11
Over 5 - Harmy 0 for 21
Over 6 - Nads 0 for 12
Over 7 - Gilly 2 for -9
Over 8 - China 1 for 6
Over 9 - SAO 4 for -16
Over 10 - Billy 1 for 9
Over 11 - Harmie 1 for 7
Over 12 - China 4 for -13
Over 13 - Prez 4 for -23
Over 14 - Itchy 0 for 20
Over 15 - Gilly 4 for -13
Over 16 - Nads 2 for 1

FFCC defeat Cuz We Can't - 140 - 46

STAT OF NOTE
Last week we had an 111 run partnership.
This week, IN AN FFCC STATS FIRST - A single FFCC bowler leaked more than 75% of the total number of runs scored by our opponent! (from two regulation 8 ball overs)
FINE CREDIT to anyone who can name that Bowler!

Man of the Match - China
Best on Ground - CAPTAIN GILLY
Car Park - Esky completely drained.

New technology to lure back start player Gladdy

2011-02-23T06:50:00.004+11:00

The less said about last nights game the better but suffice to say we need ya back Gladdy!

Norris models the latest in 'ball repelling' protective technology purchased by the FFCC at great expense to lure back all star Gladdy.

So how bout it? Ricky Nixon promises to manage your career from here on in!

Fathers take on the Dilberts and cock it up

2011-02-17T08:06:00.005+11:00

The manifesto went exactly according to plan - except the coin toss and then pretty much everything after that.

We bowled and restricted them to 111. Harmie was on song. The Fathers were on fire.
Then we batted and all was in hand after Kyles and Nads put up a 50+ run partnership. The Fatherses minds turned to the car park.

Enter the sheer flamboyance of Norris and Itchy who barely (yet entertainingly!) scratched out a skin tying effort of -9!

Gilly gave Choc the death stare after getting run out off the jackpot ball in the third partnership. Choco was turned to stone. They staged a mini recovery but then lost 5 quick wickets for a -1 run partnership.

Harmie and Gristle needed 70 odd to win and it came down to the last ball. A seven was required and Harmie managed to get it past four fielders on the back net for a side back four - they scrambled an overthrow and Harmie was run out only metres out of his ground going for the tie on the second overthrow.

In the car park the Fathers regained the momentum and ran away clear winners. Harmie was Man of the Car Park with Stella's and Crownies and there was much rejoicing. A 12am effort.

Noice work Fathers!

Special mention to Hugos who earned himself a Fine Credit for taking out the cheerleader of the match (award).

Mrs Gristle helps Fathers win two run cliffhanger

2011-01-12T08:41:00.011+11:00

NADSES forward leave off the last ball for VICTORY was described by many
at the WICC (well at least Norris) “as one of the finest forward leaves the
indoor version of the game has ever seen”. Of course this sentiment
brought much rejoicing in the car park.

In the evening shadow of the WICC, under the watchful eye of National
Selectors looking for rising talent to replace the struggling Australian
Test team, Nads (MAN OF THE MATCH) casually left a ball pitched well
outside off and in the true spirit of the game took a lovely exaggerated
step forward (imitated later in the car park by Norris) with bat tucked in
nicely and watched it pass whilst ensuring the back foot was well
entrenched inside the popping crease in the bush land setting in the car
park.
“I think they partly want me for my bowling but mostly for my body
language” said Nads after signing a multi-year, multi-million dollar deal.
“Blow test cricket” said Itchy (OTHER MAN OF THE MATCH) who was heard
saying “IPL, here I come!”.
This after putting seven runs on the board in the first two overs chasing
49 to win. In the penultimate over Nads and Itchy hit consecutive sevens
and then Nads added another seven off the last ball of the over.
Harmie has been picked as spinner for the next test and Watto has been
left out for the up and comer Norro who currently has a batting average
resembling the recent of rainfall in south east Queensland. “Seeing it like
a basketball baby” said Norro after a few pre-match chardies.

There was no Mrs Gristle.

16 runs were required for victory in the final over. It went:
Itchy 1
Nads 1
Itchy 1
Nads 7
Itchy 4
Nads 2 (to take the lead by 1)
Itchy 1 (scrambled a single)
Nads 0 (beautiful, watchful forward leave for victory)
The penultimate ball faced by Itchy was as full of excitement and drama as
any a ball has ever been bowled. “I’m here to entertain basically; I like
to make sure the punters get their money’s worth mate. Get out of my way
I’m headed for the car park. ” said the Itchmeister. The instant replay
showed not only was the bat grounded before the stumps were broken, Itchy
was already in the car park, beer in hand.
With the Fathers ahead by one with two balls to come, Itchy opted for a
bump and run to mid wicket and only sheer guts and unequalled high
performance gusto reached his ground well before the direct hit. Itchy
smashed 23 and Nads top scored with 27.
The two run victory had Captain Harmie (Man of the Match) pissed and
amazed. “I never thought they would come close to my partnership total of
38 with Norris (Other Man of the Match). Harmie went on “Nads and Itchy
benefitted tremendously by the platform laid down by me and Norro.” Never
was a truer word spoken by such a noble Captain.
Gilly 20 (MAN OF THE MATCH) and The Mayor 11 did just enough as it turned
out in the premiership partnership. They were well on track for the skin
of 45 but a few late wickets and 31 was posted.
Choco (OTHER MAN OF THE MATCH) niggled 14 runs (including two 7’s in the
first over!) in a SKIN WINNING 15 run partnership with SAO who didn’t bat
too badly AT ALL!

Bowling
Captain Harmie 2 for 20
Norris 1 for 20
Gilly 3 for 2
Choco 2 for 16
Itchy 0 for 29
The Mayor 1 for 24
SAO 2 for 12
Nads 3 for 11

The National Selectors at the WICC this evening made key decisions for
Australia’s next ODI squad:
1. The Mayor (opener)
2. Itchy (opener)
3. Choco (first drop)
4. Nads (second drop)
5. Harmie (Captain)
6. Norris (All rounder)
7. Gilly (Wicket keeper)
8. Madman (pace and bounce)
9. SAO (baffling variation)
10. The Prez (king of swing)
11. The Snorkmeister (champion)
Drinks – Gladdy
Minky Whales – Kermie
The Selectors (i.e. Norris) can be influenced (inappropriately) if you are
a TRIED and TESTED FFCC IMMORTAL and reckon you have a claim on a position
in the eleven. (e.g Bily the Kid, Freaky, Rhoid, Newman, Others)

NEXT WEEK DOUBLE HEADER 6:50 and 8:10. First in best dressed.

FFCC Christmas Twilight Bowls Extravaganza!

2010-12-31T15:08:00.013+11:00

A good showing for the inaugural FFCC Christmas twilight bowls tournament.

The event held on Tuesday the 21st of December drew a huge crowd with eventual winners Itchy, Gladdy, Kylie and Sao soaking up the atmosphere.

The 'after party' was held at Itchy's place late into the night and involved some serious serenading ably led by Prez, Norris, Gladdy and Snork.

A good time was had by all, some pics are below (click on photos to view larger versions). Happy new year to all the FFCC crew!

FATHERS RIP IT UP! 165 - 97

2010-11-24T07:19:00.004+11:00

Captain Nads won the toss twice (tossed twice?) and opted for scoreboard
pressure sending in Saint Choco and N-N-N-Norris to lay the foundation.
Choco (20) and Norris (25 not out) declared early intent.
Nads (31 not out) and Gilly (33) set the standard with a top scoring
partnership and the Fathers may well have opted for an early car park sesh
by declaring and sending the Warnies in with 109 on the board.
Billy (15) and SAO (not too bad - he got mandkatted without facing a ball
and lost concentration - filthy!) put on another 11 runs then Madman (top
score 35 not out) and Itchy (10) took the total to 165.

From there it was all bad news for the Warnies. They got off to a bit of
a start and picked up a skin but the FFCC cool headed crew capitalised
with a steady line, good length and just the right mix of wicket taking
shite.

Billy and Nads were standouts in the field.

The run chase went like this:
Madman 0 for 23
Norris 1 for 11
Billy 0 for 18
Nads 1 for 4

Itchy 1(jackpot!) for 3
SAO 0 for 17
Gilly 1 for 9
Choco 1 for 6

Billy 2 for -1
Norris 3 for 0
Choco 1 for 2
SAO 5 for -19

Madman 0 for 13
Itchy 1 for 5
Gilly 1 for 4
Nads 2 for -5

There was much rejoicing in the carpark where Beerboy Billy was pinged
with several fines for questionably less than 24 beers plus several
radlers (chick beers). Norris invoked Rule 16 and Gilly dubbed Billy the
Kid "Billy Jean the Kid" or "BJ the kid" or "BJ" for short. (Several
other "aliases" for various Fathers were noted also. (I'll let Itchy break
the news to The Snorkmeister!)) Billy was unimpressed but confessed his
kid-like status is in doubt having just notched up his 30th birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILLY!

Next Week 6:50 and Norris is IN!
And Gladdy???????

The beatification of a Saint

2010-11-18T07:12:00.006+11:00

So that it is on record for eternity, the 5 Fathers that turned up last week, 9 November 2010, witnessed 2 miracles in a single evening by a single (once was) mortal.
Miracle 1:

See diagram below (click on image to view larger version):Miracle 2:
With Nads bowling and Choco on the back net, the ball is smacked back at Nads well above head height. Nads reaches up and with arm outstretched only manages to deflect the still hurtling ball even higher. The fathers let out a collective groan as another 7 is imminent. Upon turning around Nads realises that Choco has risen to another level - the FFCC are still perplexed as to how. He has parried the ball vertically upward. After gently brushing the top net the ball then falls gently down into Choco's featherlike fingers.
There can be only one explanation, we have witnessed a second miracle.

LONG LIVE SAINT CHOCO

Spot The Difference

2010-10-21T19:00:00.004+11:00

Fathers win two run thriller!

2010-04-15T10:49:00.016+10:00

Gilly (MVP) top scored with 28 (not out) and took a hat trick making it a hat trick of hat tricks in rounds two, three and four. Sheer brilliance. Legend.

Itchy factored into the run scoring with an equal top 28 (not out). Luck never entered into it and Itchy chopped wood like it’s never been chopped.

CAPTAIN NORRIS chipped in a positive contribution with 22 runs and 1 for 21. But Norris was not pleased. Especially after Gladdy and Madman conspired to let a dribbler through for five runs when the batsmen were all at sea off Norrisses bowling.

There were CAPTAIN’S FINES aplenty. MVP Gilly copped one for abandoning his post, preferring a position in the field and running a bit of a master class.

Madman earned a CAPTAINS FINE CREDIT for a few deliberate head high beamers in the first over, thus setting the tone for the match and earning his teary eyed Captain’s respect and admiration.

Billy the Kid took a tidy 3 for 10 taking a brilliant caught and bowled and earned a FINE for the NON-Hat Trick.

Itchy bowled an absolute PEARLER, a Yorker that was an away swinger to the right handed batsmen. Itchy had cajoled him into thinking it was going down leg side and didn’t really offer a shot. It swung in, barely clipped the back of the batsman’s leg and cannoned into leg stump. BOWLED AROUND HIS LEGS! With undeniable brilliance, the match was turned.

SAO copped a rather vocal Captain’s FINE when he reckoned aloud that with the run chase at 139, Norrisses Captaincy was at an end. Norris was not pleased. SAO responded by putting 6 runs on the board under extreme pressure batting with Itchy in a second skin winning partnership worth 34.

Choco had already done the damage with a 22 run stand in the opening partnership with Gilly and chased down the skin by a run.

Norris took strike in the premiership partnership and played a looping false stroke into the air in the midwicket region but the gap had been found and 4 runs were on the board. Norris ducked two pacey bouncers, only one of which was called a wide. Gladdy and Norris saw off the wayward pace men and were run out just the once taking the 139 run chase to 126. Gladdy valiantly charged down the pitch on the final delivery looking for a seven to take the skin but the edge was found and two was added to the total of 42.

Madman strode onto the court with Billy like it didn’t matter what the run chase was. It would be got. Madman took strike, a nervous single was taken, and it was MATCH ON! There was a run out in the first over but Madman calmly dictated with a clean 7 off the next ball. The total was 137 with three overs to come. There were two nervous run outs in the second over and the boys were on 134. Only five needed for victory from the next two overs. No worries. Billy cracks a 2. Madman cracks a 2. Scores level. Billy on strike and tickled a nervous single. The Fathers are in front. Madman gets run out. Minus 5. Billy hits a 2, Madman hits a 2. Scores level again. Billy hits 2 and then Madman finishes the over by smashing it straight back at the bowler off the ground, off his foot and into the back net for 5. Fathers lead by 7 with an over to come. Time to head to the car park for a beer. No problem.

Madman gets a 1 and then Billy gets caught edging into the air, caught off the back net. Uh oh. Three consecutive 1’s ensue and then Billy gets caught again. The lead is 1 with two balls to come. Madman on strike and the boys scamper a nervous single. Billy on strike for the final delivery, Fathers lead by two. Last ball of the match. It’s pitched short and going down leg side.
You just let it go, say no thanks to the ump for the re-bowl, and the match is won.

Nope.

Billy decided it’s worth smashing. He top edged it into the back and side nets down leg. It hovered for an eternity and Billy watched it as intently as anyone in the WICC. The wicket keeper and a fielder ran beneath it. T’was a sitter.

They dropped it.

Billy decided to take off for the single.

Madman sent him back.

THE MATCH WAS WON!

A picture tells a thousand words. Click her e for a larger version of the run chase chart.

All’s well that ends well…

SAO certainly set everything right in the car park with catering provisions deserving of a majestic win. There was an equal distribution of lights and Stella’s and Choco was careful on the lights. SAO barely escaped with esky in tact.

Next WEEK 9:30pm
Players
1. Our Kylie
2. Norris (Captain)
3. Itchy
4. Zippy (Beers) - make sure you're there in the car park by 9pm Zippy (and everyone)
5. Choco
6. Gladdy
7. SAO
8. Gilly

Our Kylie (Champion) is back for a match!

Support Crew: The Mayor, Snorkey, Gristle, Freaky, Kev Prez, Harmie, Hugo, Singer, Newman,
Madman and Billy are OUT. Gilly is in DOUBT.

Nad's Farewell - Massive Victory & Send Off

2010-04-03T16:05:00.009+11:00

History was made when seven Fathers sent off Nads with a MASSIVE 221 RUNS ON THE BOARD. It never looked a likely chase either with The Sons of ANZACS struggling on a pittance of runs early on and getting only 125 in the end.

Captain NORRIS lead with the bat smashing two fives and two sevens on his way to 42 not out; partner NADS down the other end TOP SCORED for the Fathers with 43 including a no ball that went for seven of the penultimate ball of the 85 RUN PARTNERSHIP! The FFCC WISDEN SOCIETY (GLADDY) HAS MARKED THIS FFCC RECORD PARTNERSHIP FOR ALL ETERNITY.

ITCHY was instrumental if only for declaring lack of fitness just before the match earning an obligatory FINE as seven Fathers took the field. A FINE CREDIT was also awarded due to the reason for unfitness: massive intake of NECTAR! Choco (just a quiet premium light to nurse him back to fitness) was in good form on the sidelines also and the partnership was worthy of 30-40 runs without question.

There were runs aplenty with an entertaining 60 run “not out” partnership by the brothers in arms Madman and Billy the Kid who shared the runs with 30 apiece.

SAO didn’t die wondering on his way to 33 not out and partner Gilly backed up from top scoring (29 not out) last week with another 21 not out.

Billy the Kid faced the first ball and set the standard for the FFCC with 23 not out in the opening partnership. ZIPPY had a fantastic innings as well in the 22 run, skin winning partnership.

ONLY SEVEN FFCC WICKETS FELL (ANOTHER POTENTIAL WISDEN RECORD – GLADDY to confirm). (Two NADS and five ZIPPYIES!)

With the ball in hand the Fathers took 15 wickets and GILLY TOOK A HAT TRICK!

The best bowler was GILLY with 4 for -3.
Billy 3 for 8 (plus another wicket in the last over – just the one seven)
Nads 3 for 15 (just the one 7)
Madman 2 for 24 (just the one full toss beamer – next ball bowled)
SAO took 2 for 29 (just the two 7’s).
Zippy 0 for 21 (and defended the first skin with some v. tidy bowling)
Norris 0 for 28 (absolute rubbish)

FATHERS FOUR SKIN WIN 221 - 125

The carpark victory celebrations were held in Norro’s backyard with cameo appearances from HUGO and THE SNORKMEISTER. GILLY demonstrated exemplary BBQ skills and there were plenty of good snags going round with beers and the FFCC GAVE IT A NUDGE FOR NADS! Like the ancient Chinese proverb says “It’s necessary to nudge the Nads every now and then”.

There was much laughing and much rejoicing. There was even talk of an upcoming ENCAMPMENT!

FINES:
Itchy – for getting a FINE CREDIT for declaring unfitness due to recreational activities
Gilly – for earning a FINE CREDIT for taking a hat trick
Nads – for failing to take the hat trick
SAO – white feather FINE
Billy – white feather FINE
Madman – for attempted MURDER
Hugo and Itchy – for being photographed sleeping with each other in Norro’s backyard
Norris – for photographing Hugo and Itchy sleeping with each other (what goes on tour stays on tour)
Snorkey – for earning a FINE CREDIT for suggesting ENCAMPMENT is due
Choco – for no reason whatsoever really – that’s a DOUBLE FINE for avoiding a FINE!

‘Intuitive Ballbags’ show extreme cowardice in their tie with the Fabulous Fathers

2010-03-10T11:06:00.011+11:00

FFCC 123 tie with the Ballbags 123 – Tuesday 9 March 2010

With two balls remaining in last night’s match and the ‘Fabulous Fathers’ leading the ‘Intuitive Ballbags’ by three runs chief scumbag ‘Pressed Ham’ baulked and performed a ‘Mankad’ on the noble Nads.

Obviously scared that his wasted years of first grade cricket (ANU) and ACT Comets representative experience would not be enough to unseat either Nads or Gilly ‘Pressed Ham’ performed the unthinkable in the pursuit of a cheap wicket. Nads blew up and the Fathers bench was cleared with Prez leading the abusive charge with cries of “you bloody wanker”, “are you kidding dickhead?” and “I must try that myself some time” echoing around the arena.

Nads was incensed and marched down the pitch gesticulating wildly and frothing at the mouth to the plainly rattled and pathetic ‘Pressed Ham’. “It’s in the rules mate” was the best the Neanderthal ‘Pressed Ham’ could muster. For his part his partner in crime and fellow ‘ex-semi professional never quite made it to the big leagues but likes to lord it over lesser players in suburban backwaters’ ‘Mick’ endured a barrage of abuse from his vantage point on the back net. I’m not sure but I think I saw tears in his eyes as a few home truths regarding his lineage were delivered to him via a wild eyed and screaming Choco.

Once the pitch invasion had been cleared and ‘Pressed Ham’ had cleaned his spittle flecked eyes there was one ball left to be bowled. Gilly faced up with a determined look on his face and dispatched the last ball to the nets and scampered through for a couple. The game ended in a tie but will long live in FFCC folklore as the most pathetic and cowardly act ever witnessed on an indoor cricket arena.

To commemorate this disgraceful act it is hereby proposed that the next time the mighty FFCC face the cowardly ‘Ballbags’ that a white feather be presented to ‘Pressed Ham’ and he be forced to face nothing but wide deliveries for his entire four overs.

Headline after headline for the FFCC

2009-12-11T05:42:00.014+11:00

CAPTAIN McCHEESE NAILS HOLE IN ONE
The Fatherses loss on Tuesday was unarguably attributed to CAPTAIN The Mayor using up all his luck earlier in the day with a hole in one on the Capital 18th (unwitnessed, unrecorded and unconfirmed) but nonetheless eloquently and magnificently recounted by the Captain in the carpark. McCheese didn’t care because he TOP SCORED with the bat with 27 (not out)
and returned a +2 contribution in a side that was net negative -126.

SNORKMEISTER DECLARES SHOULDER SURGERY SUCCESS
“Shoulder surgery, what shoulder surgery? Those guys couldn’t get anywhere near it let alone actually hit it! Eat your heart out Warney”. Snorkeyreturned BEST BOWLING figures of 4 for 13 despite Norris dropping his first ball for 7! “If I can get the bat to fire next week I’ll be looking for a decent A-Grade Contract” said the Snork brimming with confidence in the car park, crowny in hand.

COME BACK KING KERMIE BEST ON GROUND
In his first match back after a spell the skills were on display with an unfazed and nonchalant Kermie calmly collecting 22 runs and allowing a miserly 1 for 16. POSITVE CONTRIBUTION +8. “Ya I reckon the indoor form of the game is as pure as it gets. And with a match under the belt I
automatically qualify for encampment which is what it’s all about baby.”

Fruity Jam 195; Founding Fathers 69.

NADS 3 for 26 including a magnificent Jack Pot stumping (Gilly) and 20 runs off the bat.

NORRIS leaked like a sieve down the back but was 18 (not out) and 2 for 25.

GILLY 12 (not out) and 1 for 40! (How did all of Gilly’s run outs get attributed to Hugo?)

HUGO 3 for 16 with the ball and -12 with the bat. “If Gilly hadn’t run me out 14 times I would have posted a half century man.”

SNORKEY -18 runs! (Also run out several times by Gilly even though Gilly wasn’t even his batting partner.)

Consistent SAO was none for 17 from his first over and none for 17 from his second (and NONE runs from the bat!) (No thanks to Norris) “Again” said SAO in the car park continuing to justify his conspiracy theory (quite rightly).

Official Duties – GILLY’s exemplary car park catering (schmorgasboard!) under the well lit covered entrance to the Presbyterian Church. There were Burger Rings and McCheese was pleased.

LAST MATCH OF THE YEAR - COMPULSORY ATTENDANCE FOR ALL FFCC CHAMPIONS

This is traditionally a MASSIVE night – NADS hit a 7 off the last ball of the match TO WIN THE MATCH BY 1 RUN in the inaugural Christmas Eve match AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING.

A couple of spots open up for next week with Kermie declaring unavailability and SAO offering his spot if there is a taker out there.

Could Kylie make a COMEBACK to join Gladdy, Snorkey and Kermie continuing recent trends?

Has Itchy returned from the international lumber jack championships and ready for a match?

IN THE XMAS FFCC 8:
1. NORRIS - CAPTAIN
2. NADS
3. GILLY
4. HUGO
5. OUR KYLIE
6. THE MAYOR
7. ITCHY
8. GLADDY – CATERING

Participating from the sidelines (compulsory attendance remember) – Snorkey, Harmie, Freaky, SAO, Billy, Gristle, Singer, Mr Prez

BRING BACK MADMAN!

Obama to sign for the Founding Fathers in 2010?

2009-11-23T05:58:00.004+11:00

After his inauguration speech when he said this:

"Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter* to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expediency's sake.”

Now Obama is seen getting batting tips from none other than the great Brian Lara.

How long before we see the US President turn out for the Founding Father's Cricket Club?

*The 'charter' he is talking about we call 'the rules'.

Fathers steamroll the top of the table

2009-11-20T06:56:00.009+11:00

BACK TO BACK 4 SKIN WINS UNDER CAPTAIN SAO

The Founding Fathers steam rolled the top of the table Polar Bears on Tuesday night with match winning individual performances all around. Captain SAO was the man with the manifesto: "If it ain't broke don't fix it" said SAO after retaining the partnership sequence from the previous week's victory. But in reference to the Polar Bears: "Those blokes are badly broken... heh, heh."

"Our champagne run into the finals has started early this season" said Best and Unneededest Gilly who took five wickets and demoralised the third partnership who were on -33 after facing only 8 deliveries.

Late withdrawals from Billy the Kid, Gristle and Singer meant the side was unchanged with Nads, Itchy and Norris filling the breach. "I turned up just to drink beer." said Norris who top scored with 36 not out. "His innings was brilliant" said Nads "The way he deflected the quick
straight ones off his shins into the cover region was simply breathtaking."

Nads and Norrisses defence down the back was nothing short of spectacular. Itchy, the FFCC High Performance Coach was pleased, "We knew we'd done our job with the bat and put the Polar Bears under immense pressure. I gave Norris and Nads a bit of a spray before the second innings and they got the message - you'd pretty much have to credit me with their immaculate performance this evening."

With all Fathers contributing match positive figures (except Captain SAO whose bowling changes were inspiring) it was difficult to determine who was the most Unneededest. "It had to go to Gilly" said Gladdy who has reinvented himself with a clever leg stump line mixed with menacing bumpers: "They were already on the ropes and then Gilly taking those 5 wickets with nine deliveries was totally unnecessary".

But the bowling performance of the innings had to go to The Panther who introduced nothing but spiteful disdain in his second spell. "Cheesy cut that bloke in half so many times he looked like a pepperoni pizza" was all Norris had to say and The Mayor was snubbing the BBQ crinkles
preferring instead a quiet deep pan meat lovers on the way home after a couple of quick beers in the car park.

The Prez rounded out the night with a stunning car park catering performance including an esky designed and constructed by NASA. There was much rejoicing and the esky was completely drained.

An unchanged side has been named next week due to back to back brilliant performances and consecutive four skin victories. The Mayor is a possible late withdrawal but it appears the tight knit FFCC crew would rather play with 7 than carry an inexperienced up and comer.

Next Week - 6:50pm
1 Nads
2 Mr Prez
3 Norris (catering services)
4 Cheesy/The Mayor/The Panther
5 SAO - Retains the Captaincy
6 Itchy
7 Gilly
8 Gladdy

Up and comers: Gristle, Hugo, Billy the Kid, Choco. (let us know if you
are available next week)

Singer - OUT until further notice - message received from Singer indicated he was unable to play last Tuesday due to double booking with the Martha Stewart Sewing Tips Show on the Oprah Network.

The batting STATS
Mr Prez 30 not out
Nads 31

Norris 36 not out
The Mayor 16

Itchy 24
SAO -2

Gilly 11
Gladdy 12

The bowling STATS
Norris 2 for 28
The Mayor 3 for 3
SAO 3 for 13
Nads 2 for 18
The Prez 1 for 24
Gladdy 3 for 3
Itchy 2 for 7
Gilly 5 for -10

NADS Best and Unneededest in BIG WIN for FFCC

2009-11-15T08:48:00.003+11:00

The Fathers regained finals form with a comprehensive four skin win and extended car park session at the WICC.

Recent debutants Captain Sir Lord SAO and Mr Prez looked sharp in their new baggy tie dyes and SAO chose runs on the board after winning the toss. And there were runs aplenty. With Gladdy returning to the FFCC limelight the Fathers were buoyed with confidence and competitive spirit.

First in to bat were Nads (48 not out) and Mr Prez (32 not out) put up a modest partnership total of 80 just to set a wee bit of a foundation.

Norris (9) and Mayor McCheese (7) went down swinging losing two early wickets and two late wickets and were on a partnership hat trick (FINE) at the end of their innings. Norris opted to bat boxless after being offered Mr Prez’s lovely little laced black negligee box complete with 14 year oldunwashed crusty pool of pond scum.

Itchy (26 not out) chopped wood like a lumberjack and The Lord (21) took the game beyond reach with the total at 143 with the old guard still to bat.

Gilly (29 not out) and Gladdy (17) were practically chanceless and pressed hard barely falling short of the innings double ton.

Highlights of the Fathers in the Field:
The Cheesemeister (0 for 21) preying on the gurus like a leopard in full
flight;
Gladdy (1 for 31) taking one for the team (check out the bruise – photo
posted on the website);
Norris (3 for 28) catching one with his arm pit;
Itchy (2 for 8) cowering in the covers;
Captain SAO (2 for 22) brilliant bowling changes and clever field placements;
Mr Prez (3 for 5) saving the second skin with 3 for -5;
Gilly (3 for 26) best wicket keeper the Fathers had all night; and
Nads (6 for -14) with catches and run outs – the man is a STAR!

Gilly’s catering skills were the best of the night but The Mayor found no BBQ crinkles. It was unanimously agreed in the car park that since the Fathers won by 65 runs, Nadses positive contribution of 62 was not required thus earning three points in the race for FFCC Best and
Unneededest this season. (And pick up about 8 FINES! in the process.)

Next Week 6:50pm
1. Gristle
2. Lord SAO – Captain
3. Mr Prez – catering and daringly testing FFCC constitutional ice
requirements;
4. Billy
5. Gilly
6. Gladdy
7. The Mayor
8. Singer

Pine riders – Norris, Itchy, Hugo, Nads, Sniper, Choco, Harmie
When is the G-Nat ready for a comeback?
We could practically field two teams with Our Kylie, Freaky, and Madman
(due back soon)

Three cheers for Gladdy, hip hip hematoma......

2009-11-12T17:48:00.002+11:00

Gladdy celebrates his return to the FFCC with a ripper of a hematoma. Click on the above to see the photo in all its glory.

Working Bee at the Norris Estate

2009-11-02T11:09:00.012+11:00

Tie dyeing t-shirts and building a deck. Can you think of a more harmonious combination?Workers on the day included: Norris, The Mayor, Nads, Gladdy, Hugo, Itchy, Russ and Terry.

The results of the labour.

Itchy impersonating 'Bob the Builder'

The Mayor and Norris supervise

Itchy's tie-dyeing masterpieces

Left to right: The mayor; Nads; Itchy; Jasper; Norris & Gladdy

FFCC Hold Press Conference To Announce They Are Still Sort Of An Indoor Cricket Team

2009-10-22T10:39:00.003+11:00

WESTON, AUSTRALIA—Founding Fathers high performance coach Itchy held a press conference this morning to reassure fans that, despite an inability to effectively execute their fielding, bowling, or batting, the Founding Fathers were still somewhat comparable to a real indoor cricket team.

"It's been a tough pre-season so far, and even though we are 2-4, we still have players, uniforms, bats—all the components that technically constitute an indoor cricket team, sort of," Itchy said while grimacing and making a "so-so" gesture with his hand. "Sure, I was stripped of play-calling responsibilities by team management, and I really don't have any clue who will open the bowling for us next Tuesday, but I swear to you, in a weird, very convoluted way, we are in the WICC competition."

Placing his hand over the microphone, Itchy then spoke briefly with an unidentified man near the stage, and announced that, for what it's worth, the organization owns the Internet domain name ffcricket.com through 2010.

Sniper gelded in 100 run deficit

2009-10-03T08:46:00.006+10:00

Debutant SNIPER raised the bar taking no wicket for 31 runs in a match
which has already been long forgotten in the annals of indoor cricket
history.  “This is grading season – you’re not supposed to win” said
Sniper after his 11 wides, legs sides, and no ball deliveries.  With a
sitter of a run out chance at the bowlers end, Sniper calmly went about
his business tossing the ball to the keeper ensuring the runners safely
made their ground and his no wicket record remained intact.

“This bloke Sniper knows the gig” said Norris who took one wicket (by
accident) for 31.

“Sorry I got a bit excited and nailed all those stumpings” said Gilly who
pitched in with 1 for 32.

SAO sat on the fence with a mere -16 run contribution.  “My 5 runs off the
bat were out of line – they just couldn’t hit the stumps.”  SAO’s bowling
was effective taking 3 for 21 with a couple of missed chances.

But Captain Billy the Kid, Harmie and Nads conspired to earn the FFCC a
bit of respect.  Billy the Kid took out Man of the Match honours with a
+20 run contribution, Harmie top scored with 27 runs and Nads took four
wickets including a hat trick in his first over.

The Fathers rallied in the Car Park with Heinies and Cascade Lights
compliments of SAO.  Beautiful.  Nads broke out the Grand Final Loot and
Gilly graciously accepted the MAN OF THE FINALS SERIES magnificent clean
skin WICC bat.   Nads handed out WICC glasses , an excellent sports bag
(which he kept for himself) and some beautiful Adidas socks which prompted
much snickering about FFCC folklore and Quiet Achiever awards of years
gone by.

Well do ya punk? Do ya?

2009-09-11T16:27:00.002+10:00

Click on the image for a larger version.

Avoid disappointment - book early

2009-09-10T07:47:00.001+10:00

Founding Fathers double-header semi final victories!

2009-09-09T07:02:00.009+10:00

The Founding Fathers booked a berth in the preliminary Grand Final at the WICC next Tuesday night at 5:30pm.

“Considering we smashed ‘em two weeks ago with only six there’s no doubting a Grand Final Championship of the World is well within grasp” said The Mayor whilst hooking into bbq crinkles on the Presbyterian Church covered balcony overlooking the rainy car park vista.

Norris piped in: “Those bbq crinkles will get The Mayor running between the wickets next week.”

Hugo added, “We just need to put a chip on the middle stump at each end.” HA! HA!

The was much raucous rejoicing in the car park after the Fathers casually dismissed the Partridge Famulee 162 – 72 and then showed class backing up with a gritty and determined stand against third placed Polar Bears 155 – 133.

“BBQ and beers at my place next week after we regain the Champions of the World Title” announced Norris in a mid-doubleheader score card sermon that included a record number of Founding Fathers FINES! The congregation gathered in the car park with interest.

“Geez the Fathers were ON FIRE in that first match – that was the best cricket I HAVE EVER SEEN!” said Gladdy who earned a FINE! for departing the WICC before the end of the second match. Itchy hung in there to raise beers in the car park - FINE CREDIT!

Captain Nads won the toss (FINES to Singa and Gristle for missing the toss) and chose runs on the board sending in Gilly (19 not out) and The Mayor (24) who was out LBW watching an away swinger down leg hit him in front of leg stump. Norris comforted The Mayor letting him know he was only the second Founding Father in history to be out LBW - after Norris (2 LBW’s!) The Mayor felt much better and almost gave Norris a car park peck on the cheek.

The Flamboyant Norris (2 for 15) took strike with Steady the Ship Hugo (1 for 21) and smashed a FOUR off the jackpot ball. Hugo was never a run out chance and turned over the strike quietly compiling the fourth highest Fatherses total of the innings.

Singa (12) and Billy The Kid (16 not out) threw down the gauntlet in a premier partnership that took the Fathers to 107 with a partnership to come.

Nads (28) top scored in a 55 run partnership with Gristle (27). Nadses two 7’s and a 5 got Gristle going who smashed beautiful drive for 7 down the ground. If not for the net, the Partridge Famulee would still be searching for the ball in a nearby post code.

The Partridge Famulee needed 163 to win but there were wickets aplenty:

Gristle 5 for -8 (+35 run contribution and MAN OF THE MATCH!)
Nads 4 for 2 (+26 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Gilly 4 for 4 (+15 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Singer 4 for 5 (+7 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
The Mayor 3 for 11 (+13 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Hugo 2 for 18 (+3 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Norris 2 for 13 (+2 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Billy 2 for 26 (-10 run contribution – FINE!)

HAT TRICKS to Singer and Gristle who each earn a FINE CREDIT (non redeemable at official Founding Fathers functions.)

Nads earned three FINES! in one over for failing to take the hat trick and a White Feather FINE (C-C-4-C-C) and then copped another FINE in the carpark for back chat after Itchy accused an additional White Feather FINE! Rule 16 was brought into play by Norris but the vote was deferred until next week.

Billy and Gilly earned White Feather FINES! and The Mayor was FINED for eating all the bbq crinkles.

Elimination Semi Final 2:

The Fathers lost the second toss and were sent in. Reigning Captain Nads decided to run with the winning formula – The Mayor (30) and Gilly (13)were sent in and repeated their 1st match performance with a 43 run partnership - FINE CREDIT! Hugo (15) and Norris (21) also repeated their 1st match performance with a 36 run partnership – FINE CREDIT!

The winning formula was undeniable.

Billy (4) and Singer (1) – PARTNERSHIP FINE! for failing to repeat their 1st match performance!

Nads (43) and Gristle (28 not out) took the total from 84 to 155 thus taking the match away from the Polar Bears who never had a hope against the Fatherses TIGHT BOWLING:

The Mayor 3 for 8 (+22 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Gilly 3 for 9 (+4 run contribution for The Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Gristle 2 for 6 (+22 run contribution for the Fathers IN A SEMI FINAL!)
Billy The Kid 2 for 13 (-8 run contribution – FINE!)
Hugo 2 for 26 (-11 run contribution – FINE!)
Nads 1 for 18 (+25 run contribution and MAN OF THE MATCH!)
Singa 1 for 21 (-10 run contribution – FINE!)
Norris 1 for 32 (-11 run contribution – FINE!)

All players and spectators were FINED several times. There was chatter and banter about SITTERS and NUMPTIES! THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!

Billy raced into the night in the super turbo Nissan time machine leaving two 50m strips of blazing fire in the WICC car park vista. The Fathers knocked back beers laced with lime and inhaled low fat crisps. Nads could be in trouble next week... Nadette???? Nadulina????

BRING ON THE GRAND FINAL!!!

WICC Finals Draw

2009-09-09T06:55:00.004+10:00

The Founding Fatherses late season rally of 5 wins in 6 matches has resulted in a FINALS BERTH.

The road to glory:

1st Elimination match 5:30pm Tuesday 8 September 2009 versus the Fifth Place C-Grade team.

2nd Elimination match 6:50pm Tuesday 8 September 2009 versus the LOSER of the Second versus Third place qualifying match.

Our 3rd Finals match will be the Preliminary Final against the LOSER of the First place team versus the winner of the Second versus Third place qualifying match. (5:30pm 15 Sept 09)

Our 4th Finals match will be the Grand Final where we will beat whoever we are up against and regain the coveted WICC Champion of The World crown. (8:10pm 15 Sept 09)

Eligible FFCC Finals players:
1. Nads
2. Norris
3. Harmie (although 5:30 and 6:50 matches aren't great for Harmie)
4. Itchy (unavailable due to knee)
5. Choco (we may get one or two games out of this battle weary senior leadership group member)
6. Gilly
7. Gristle
8. Hugo
9. Singer
10. The Mayor
11. Billy the Kid
12. Madman (unavailable - gone fishing)

Please indicate your availability to play in either/both of the 1st and 2nd elimination matches next week at 5:30pm and 6:50pm.

Last Night double Header Results:
1. Narrow Loss to the B-Grade 4th place side; 2. Run chase of the century to knock off the top of the table C-Grade team - Freaky left early and missed the fracas - FINE!

The Smashing of the Scorpion

2009-08-06T18:07:00.011+10:00

Penguin Books - AUGUST 2009

Prologue
This book is dedicated to the Founding Father of Gilly: Keith Scarlett,
who sadly slipped away not long after the Fathers made it four straight on
their inexorable march to greatness (again).

Chapter 1 – The Coin Toss
The winning chemistry comprised old and new with two original match
Founding Fathers (KEVIN! and Freaky) dusting off their old boots and
coming out of retirement to join FFCC debutant Sidney in the traditional
pre-match baggy tie dye ceremony. Nads handed the newcomer his baggy tie
dye with all the pomp and ceremony deserving of a young man who had dreamt
of this moment from early days and who’d worked hard to crack into the
championship squad “Here ya go mate, try not to f@ck it up”. Norris
quietly marked the occasion with a bit of chemistry that sent dozens out
the front door for fresh air.

With that the 8 strong Fathers promptly lost the coin toss, were sent into
field, and the WICC C-Grade wrecking ball went quickly through their
drills of wind sprints, shoulder charges and a mid pitch yoga
visualisation session.

Captain Nads tossed the ball to Hugo and the batsmen could only dodge and
snick their way to seven runs. Singer followed suit taking a wicket with
the 12th delivery of the match and from there the floodgates opened.

Chapter 2 – A Legend is Born
Debutant Sidney’s first FFCC wicket came after he had returned to his mark
to bowl his sixth delivery and the batsmen ran themselves out trying to
pinch an extra. (Nice work Nads!) Sidney finished off his first over on
a hat trick taking 3 for -7 earning himself a White Feather FINE! and a
legend was born. Freaky felt a bit sorry for the beleaguered batsman and
gifted a few consolation runs and they trudged off with 32 on the board.

KEVIN! took the ball in hand allowing 16 runs to a couple of dangerous
looking batsmen. Captain Nads turned to secret weapon Norris who settled
things down with a first ball wicket. Hugo continued the theme taking 2
for -1 (finishing with 2 for 6) and earned himself a FINE! for failing to
take the hat trick. Gristle‘s first ball bouncer had the batsman
wondering if he should strap his box across his face. He was out caught
next delivery and then Gristle bowled him purely for insult value. They
slinked away with only 19 runs for the partnership.

Singer was scintillating in his second over taking 1 for 0 and finished
with the tidy figures of 2 for 7. Freaky kept up the pressure with 2 for
9 and Nads finally inserted himself into the attack allowing just 6 runs.
Norrisseses returned figures of 2 for 12 and his second over concluded
with a Gristle stumping. The batsmen were displeased - just 20 runs for
the partnership.

Chapter 3 – Endangered Species
Things never got better for the Scorpions who were unable to add to their
total of 71 with the fourth partnership. KEVIN! dusted them up with 1 for
2 and then Sidney, who failed to take the hat trick (FINE!) took 2 for 0
finishing with match best figures of 5 for -7. Gristle took a couple more
wickets to finish with 4 for -8 with all his wickets coming from the same
bunny batsman. Nads finished them off with 1 for 3 prompting the crowd at
the WICC to start the Mexican wave.

Chapter 4 – The Foreskin Wins
The Fathers chased 72 runs for victory. They came in the 7th over off the
bat of debutant Sidney.
Freaky (16) and Singer (21 not out) saw off the openers with a skin
winning partnership of 37.
Norris (22) smashed and overhead full toss for nine “it was right in my
slot” and Sidney (16) would have been not out if Norris hadn’t run him
out. Skin 2 safe in hand.
Nads (21) had a bit of trouble with a stumping in his first over which was
attributed to his skulling of a light beer before taking strike in the
middle. Gristle (33 not out) hit a seven “by accident” and thus earned
Man of the Match honours with a net +ve contribution of 41. Three skins
and counting.
Hugo (11) and KEVIN! (5) were entertaining and earned the skin comfortably
despite some “experimental” running between wickets.
Founding Fathers - 145.
FOUR SKINS AND A WIN AND THE FOUNDING FATHERS JUGGERANAUT ROLLS
MERCILESSLY ON!

Epilogue
The beers in the car park were sensational and the Fathers went hard late
into the night. Next week we’ll be tipping one in memory of Keith. Come
one, come all.

Founding Fathers run amok in double header double victory

2009-07-29T18:04:00.011+10:00

A slick, six man Founding Fathers outfit ran amok in C-Grade at the WICC

this evening smashing the competition to smithereens.

"We were smokin' with the bat tonight" said Captain Nads (7 wickets) who
amassed 84 runs and took a scorcher in the nether regions from an over
exuberant Singer. "And with the ball, well, Norrisses' 12 wickets were
simply mesmerisering." Norris was out just the once for his 45 runs.

"When you've got blokes like Gilly who can deliver the goods with the
gloves and bat in four partnerships and bowl 5 overs you really don't need
8 players." Gilly quietly compiled 57 runs and took 7 wickets with a
clever combination of slightly over pitched deliveries and double
bouncers.

Harmy certainly didn't disappoint either with a plethora of boundaries in
74 runs and 5 wickets including a spectacular stint as part time
wicketkeeper.

Singer was the pick of the fielders and also blazed away for 72 runs with
the bat. He was unlucky with the ball taking just the two wickets. But
the batsman had no interest in seeing Singer bowl the extra overs and the
same was true of the blistering paceman Hugo who only took the one wicket
but was prolific with the bat tallying 63 runs.

The C-grade cellar dweller Founding Fathers SIX accounted for top four
side Polar Bears 209 - 92. The Fathers backed that up with a 184 - 146
victory over the top of the table Dwayne Leverock Spastic Association
Lookalikes and siezed the moment with a couple of settlers while enjoying
the batting. The Fathers have hit a rich vein of from at the business end
of the season and have declared finals intent beating three top four sides
in as many matches.

"I think six is just about right" Norris said to the press gallery after
the double header double victory. "If you look at the style of cricket we
are playing right now I think the extra two players may cramp us up a
bit." "Besides, the beers go a bit further in the carpark - the rest of
the blokes are a bunch of pooftas and are barely fit to carry the drinks"

Singer kindly offered to ice Nadses bollocks in the carpark to a chorus of
rauccous laughter and beer boy Nads barely crept away into the evening
esky (and jewels) intact.

Bilbys hand out some punishment

2009-05-09T07:41:00.008+10:00

Six little Fathers went out one day;
Over a car park far away;
Little Bilby said SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK
And none of the Founding Fathers came back
...from Encampment.Confirmed Encampment so far:
Snorkey
Norris
Nads
Itchy
Cheezy
G-NAT
Harmie (Saturday)
Gilly

Contenders:
Hugo
Billy
Gristle

Long Shots:
Gladdy
KEVIN!
Freaky
Our Kylie

And many others...

Little Bilbies 240 - Founding Fathers 113
Norris lost the toss and it didn't get any better.
Itchy top scored with 18 and Harmie hit 35 in his second dig.
Norris 16
The Mayor 16
Nads first dig 15
Harmie first dig 14
Gilly 1
Nads second dig -2

The bowling and fielding was pretty miserable. Nobody had positive figures except Harmie batting twice and taking 3 for 41 from three overs. But his regulation innings was -14. Itchy was hands down Man of the Match. A respectable -4 with 1 for 22 from his first two overs and Cheezy was ONLY -5 It got worse from there... Nads -8, Gilly -26 Norris -22. The Fathers only took 10 wickets with big gaps in the field. Nads was on a hat trick but... FINE!. Nads got out off three consecutive balls faced... DOUBLE FINE!!! Harmie got the dressing down (FINE!) Cheezy the sitter (FINE!) Harmie no ice (DOUBLE FINE!!!)

IT WAS ALL GOOD IN THE CAR PARK!

LOCK IN ENCAMPMENT FRI 19 JUNE - SUN 21 JUNE!!

Out Now!

2009-05-03T14:08:00.002+10:00

G-NAT TOP SCORES FOR THE FATHERS!

2009-05-03T13:44:00.009+10:00

On a night that will be remembered mostly for Carpark Festivities, G-NAT took Man of the Match Honours Top Scoring for the Fathers and marking a new era of up and coming young talent from deep within the FFCC Grassroots.

The night will also be remembered for the valiant effort of seven warriors that battled late into the night covering the gap left by Hugo (late withdrawl) and Gristle who failed to heed the cry for help.

The Fathers posted 121 and held Festers Jesters to only 34 after the first two partnerships with brilliant bowling and fielding and covered the abyss left by Hugo and Gristle. But in the end, the gap proved costly and the Jesters snuck home. Did the Fathers drop their shoulders? No way. Was it over when the Russians bombed Pearl Harbour? Absolutely not. The body language reigned supreme.

The G-NAT top scored with 23 in a 37 run partnership with Madman (14) after The Mayor (20 not out) and Itchy (4) opened the Fatherses account. Norris (22) and Gilly (16) set the bar with a workmanlike, near chanceless effort. Norris was picked to bat for Hugo (0) and/or Gristle (0) and added another 19 runs in a partnership of 22 with Nads (heaps). 121 flashed on the scoreboard and the mexican wave flashed around the ground.

In the field Itchy set about establishing the centre of excellence at point and busied the scorers all evening and the chants of "Caught Itchy, Bowled Norris" reverberated through nearby weston creek suburbs. Captain Nads (aka "Nans" or "Nana" for short) secured the centre of senility in the back corner waking from his short kip after a noice cuppa to take a hat trick thus earning a much sought after Fine Credit for the upcoming Encampment Season.

Itchy failed to take the hat trick (FINE!) and earned a Grey Feather FINE! also. Madman and Gilly missed the coin toss (FINE! each) as did Hugo and Gristle (MORE FINES!) Norris chipped in with a White Feather FINE! and Itchy took out the SITTER (FINE!) trying to pin a catch to the net with his back.

Gilly displayed extreme agility and guile behind the wicket and was best in the field. The Captain's dressing down went to Itchy (FINE!)

Itchy returned to the indoor form of the game groin intact picking up where he left off taking 4 for 0. Nana wasn't far behind with 4 for 5 and the remaining wickets were shared between Cheezy (2) Madman (2) Norris (2) Gilly (1) and G-Nat (1).

Carpark

No beer survived. Not even the Rohipnol Beer.

Shirt Muster

WE NEED SHIRTS - Snorkey, Choco, Gristle. Cough em up!

Winter Encampment

IT'S ON. MORE TO FOLLOW. LOCK IN THE MONTH OF JUNE!

Next Weeks Match

9:30pm - throw your hat into the ring! Beers in the carpark from 9pm.

The honeymoon is over. The WICC is back to four time slots: 5:30, 6:50, 8:10, and 9:30.

Super Sub Harmie Blasts 55

2009-05-03T13:40:00.002+10:00

Man of the Match Harmie blasts 55 in whitewash FFCC Victory!

The skills were on display when Harmie (55) and Madman (33) opened the batting for The Fathers after a target of 101 was set. Harmie was run out just the once and hit 44 runs off nine deliveries in the final stage of his innings. (five x 7's and 2, 4, 3, dot). Pure genius. And Madman chipped in with a 7, couple of 5's and a couple of 4's. On almost any other night he's Man of the Match.

Mick Cheese (25) and Norris (11) rubbed it in. In only the fifth over if the run chase, Norris (who headed into the match as Reigning Man of the Match) struck a lovely cover drive into the nets (2) to take The Fatherses total to 102. In the outside version of the game, we would have been heading to the carpark at nigh on 9:15.

Billy the Kid (18) deftly left behind a wagon wheel of runs in a 15 run partnership with G-Nat (heaps).

Nads (37) was sublime and G-Nat backed up with a second innings effort of 14. FFCC Total 190.

The Fathers shared the wickets in an exemplary night in the field with 6 catches, 7 run outs, 1 stumping (Harmie) and 1 bowled (Norris). There was an extraordinary 29 dot balls bowled through tight bowling and lightning quick reflexes in the field.

The Fathers WERE ON FIRE!!! Nads probably claimed half the wickets in usual disarray. Sadly, Choco re-tired hurt after bowling 6 deliveries (1 for 3) and moving a yard to his right straining his calf. Sidelined for possibly 3-4 weeks.

FINE to Mick Cheese for the Sitter, FINE each to Harmie and Madman for failing to take the hat trick.

It was all good in the carpark with The Mayor on beer duty. One screaming car of hoons, one police car rolled on by and Billy slinked off into the night (Bic Mac at the Maccas drive through) as quiet as a mouse in his turbo charged rocket.

Next Week 7:20pm

1. Nads (Captain)

2. Norris

3. Madman

4. Mick Cheese

5. G-Nat - Beer Duty (Welcome on board G-Nat)

6. Gilly (please confirm availability)

7. Itchy (please confirm availability)

8. Hugo (please confirm availability)

Unavailable - Harmie, Billy, Choco, Gladdy, Kevin, Snorkey

Possible Subs - Gristle, Freaky, Our Kylie, Gladdy

A message from your Admin captain

2009-04-18T15:43:00.002+10:00

FFCC Brew Unveiled

2009-04-14T16:45:00.004+10:00

And so it came to pass that the phenomenon that is the FFCC was immortalized in beer.

The legendary brewer Madman not only brewed liquid gold but designed the FFCC label to accompany it. Might be time to give up the fish business Madman and make the move into full time brewing.

NB: click on image for large version.

FFCC Demerit Point System

2009-03-04T15:13:00.004+11:00

First published 11 September 2006

Demerit Point System

Due to severe captain consternation/constipation last season regarding the selection of finals series Founding Fathers, (and to add robustness to the Fathers "fines" system) we are instituting the Founding Fathers Demerit Point System. It is simple and easy to track because otherwise would be a nightmare. The Demerit Point System rewards commitment and form. Selection for finals matches (when we make the final again) will be based on your demerit point ranking. It may seem harsh but that's just tough luck.

The rules:
1. Members start the season with 100 pts.
2. Miss a game without notice*: -50 pts
3. Become unavailable on short notice**: - up to -30 pts
4. Turn up late (after the coin toss): -25 pts
5. Beer boy doesn't bring beer (slab): - 100 pts
6. Beer boy brings beer but it isn't on ice: -50 pts
7. Fail to make good membership fee when due: -25pts
8. Best Batsman each game: +25pts
9. Best Bowling figures each game: +25pts
10. Bring Cheer Squad: +5 pts per person
11. Sub in late for an unavailable starter: +10 pts
12. Turn up to barrack even though you are in the reserves: +5 pts
12. Attend bye "practice session": +10 pts
13. Fail to attend bye "practice session": -10 pts
14. Attend encampment weekend***: +50 pts
15. Fail to attend encampment weekend: -50 pts
16. Undertake gender reassignment (as determined by your peers): -50pts

* You need to SMS my mobile if you are named in the starting 8 but can't play.
** The longer you leave it, the greater the demerit value (Stinz's "sliding scale" rule: Monday:- 10, Tuesday: -20, Wed (before noon): -30). If you advise you can't play (by SMS) before the regular Sunday e-mail then zero demerit points. 12pm each Wed is the cut off or its -50 pts.
*** TBC - long term planning on this - late Feb/early March 07 is the go - lock it in.
Notes:
A. Special circumstances will be considered though membership vote (one vote per member). Where there is a tie the Captain has discretion.
B. If you miss a game without notice, after your next game in the car park (beer in hand) you must also sing (beginning to end) "Advance The Founding Fathers" (sung to the tune of you know what) to avoid a further - 50pts.

Fathers smash the Partridge Family

2009-03-04T07:38:00.007+11:00

The Partridge Family is an American television sitcom about a widowed mother and her children who embarked on an encampment career and took up the sport of indoor cricket. The family lived in Weston Creek, a not so quiet Canberran suburb. They enjoyed moderate success in the 1970s but, in the end, body language got the better of them.

The Partridge Family's biggest hit came in the first over when they smashed The Mayor for 22. Chuck Norris reigned them in with a match turning 2 for 5 while singing "I Think I Love You" (lyrics), with deliveries that began climbing in September and peaked at Number 1 last night at the WICC.

Wearing a pretty black and pink floral dress with shoe-string straps and his hair in a soft, wavy bob, MVP Our Kylie said he would perform a specially crafted set list, different to that of his current KylieX2009 world tour. His deliveries were all little beauties and the Partridge Family went for chance after chance falling 4 0UT for just the one run. Our Kylie's guests, including politicians, A-list actors, musicians and the Dubai royal family, will be treated to a $A6.58 million fireworks display lighting up the entire WICC car park.

Gilly and Freaky sealed the win with tight, looping, delicious deliveries and Captain Nads was pleased. Gladdy was unable to bowl after failing to remember to powder his shoulder (Rule 16) just before the match. Gilly and Freaky lifted taking several wickets with more tight, looping, delicious deliveries and Captain Nads was pleased.

The Partridge Family tried feebly to rebound.

Revival Failures

Late in the second partnership, The Partridge Family answered with two different made for TV movies aired on different networks; Come On Get Happy: The Partridge Family Story and The David Cassidy Story .

While both the 2nd and 3rd parntership movies were criticized by Nads and Freaky as being inaccurate, they did recreate imagery of bouncing deliveries and misqueued, off-key discontent in the P Family camp.

In the fourth partnership, Sub In Beer Boy Itchy Bon Jovi spanked poor little David Cassidy for a HAT TRICK (FINE CREDIT!!!) and the P Family was Livin on a Prayer.

Partridge Family Washed Up

The Fathers ripped it up in the second innings with Itchy(5) and Norris(6) setting the platform and Gilly (+/- 0) and Freaky (steady) built on it. The Mayor (27) and Gladdy (nudge those heatseekers lightly back down the pitch for 1) raised the bar yet again and eased the workload for Nads(controversial 7) and Our Kylie (FFCC Season High 46) and the amber liquid gold flowed in the car park. There were about a thousand FINES.

HARMIE LIFTS INTENSITY WITH WHITELINE FEVER - SPARKS FATHERS UPSET VICTORY

2009-02-18T18:04:00.012+11:00

Key FFCC all rounders Harmie and Norris singlehandedly blasted the Founding Fathers back into B-Grade with an unprecedented display of intensity, guile and skill in a seesawing Tuesday Night clash of the WICC titans.

Even before the match started, comeback kid Norris sensed something special already in train, with whispers of encampment and hushed rumours of early entrants to the annual Nuggan baking contest. Arriving after the coin toss, Norris (FINE!) received the Death Stare from Captain Itchy normally reserved for his unwitting batsmen counterparts. Itchy was in transmit mode: "If you want to be a part of this team then you need to LIFT SOLDIER!" When late sub Harmie (FINE!) (for Nads (FINE!)) asked if it was true that he missed the toss Itchy didn't miss a beat "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
Billy the Kid was in full on yoga mode, Choco was running internal diagnostics on hammys, calves, back, neck, elbow - check. Gilly was handing out early chrissy pressies, Madman was warming up with three bats and Cheezy was relaxed with a heart rate of minus 24 beats per minute. The scene was set.

Itchy had lost the toss and the modern gurus looked to take advantage of a sticky wicket sending the Fathers in to bat. Cheezy (18) and Choco (21 not out) quietly set about their business in almost surreal conditions turning over the strike with masterful skill. The WICC went quiet and the gurus looked puzzled and miffed. The battle of the body language had begun. The Fathers were on top.

Itchy recalculated and needed no manifesto. With his undeniable ability to size up a situation and unrivalled indoor cricketing brain, Itchy sensed it was time to put the foot down, nail the lid shut and go for the kill. Gilly (25) and Norris (24 not out) had answers to all of the gurus questions. Itchy and Gladdy cajoled and ranted at the back of the net. The gurus shoulders drooped. Norris and Gilly played their shots: immaculate cover drives and cuts, flat batted slogs down the ground, masterful square drives, and regulation snicks into the back net. The gurus were wicketless until the penultimate ball when a minor brain seizure caused Gilly to misinterpret a shout of NO!!!! to RUN LIKE HELL GILLY!!! It didn't matter. It could happen to anyone. 49 was on the board and the minstrels rejoiced. The Encampment schedule of major events was pencilled in.

Itchy (21) and Billy the Kid (13) carried on the theme with the bat not surrendering a wicket until the 29th ball of the partnership. And again on the 30th ball. And again on the 31st ball. THAT'S A FINE!
But the steady 34 run premiership partnership lifted the Fathers tally to 120 set the platform for the open the shoulders partnership. There were FFCC high fives, pats on the back, and the odd gentle stroke of encouragement on the unsuspecting bottom. (Snorkey was pleased!)

Itchy had saved his impact players for last. Little did he know what an impact they would have. With the delivery of the first ball of the 14th over, the destiny of the Founding Fathers changed irreversibly when Harmie (26) was given out by Cro-Magnon Man Umpire caught behind off his arse. Harmie went through all the emotions. First disbelief, then shock, then disconsolate sorrow, then ROAD RAGE!! There was pacing, finger pointing, hand waving, shoulder shrugging and bottom patting. Harmie was spewing. He gave it to the umpire, he gave it to the wicket keeper and when silly mid off piped in Harmie threatened to take his head of with the next short, widish delivery. Madman (21) remained focussed and urged his partner to stick to the task at hand. Itchy hollered "Settle down Harmie!" Norris bellowed "GET ANGRY HARMIE!" And the next delivery was despatched for 7. But the controversy didn't end there with Harmie back chatting the ump and anyone in his path while stroking another lovely 7 and a bitchin' 5 through the off side.

When the smoke cleared, the scoreboard flashed 169. The gurus looked up in disbelief and trudged off the ground, knuckles dragging. The fit and formidable Founding Fathers took to the field with aplomb quickly going through their routine of organised wind sprints, catch and throw drills, and a mid pitch visualisation yoga session.

The Founding Fathers juggernaut rolled onwards from the first delivery of the gurus innings. Cheezy opened taking 2 for 1. The pressure mounted on the batsmen. Madman followed up with a mixture of short and full length deliveries taking 1 for 4. The gurus were in trouble. Norris was on queue with 2 for -3. The gurus were searching within. Choco taunted and deceived taking 2 for 0. The Fathers turned their minds to the car park. The gurus bickered and squabbled amongst themselves.

Itchy took the ball in hand. 0 for 16. Harmie tossed it up. 0 for 29. Madman pitched it in short leaving the batsmen no width. 0 for 11. Gilly bowled his dibbly dobblers. 0 for 26. The 81 run partnership had turned the match. Those Fathers out in the car park putting the final details into the encampment strategy quickly finished their beers and raced back to the ground.

Billy the Kid settled the nerves. 1 for 10. Norris bowled with wide cunning and guile. 1 for 5. Gilly bowled more of his dibbly dobblers. 0 for 21. Choco was pleased. 1 for 13. A 48 run partnership - the Gurus needed only 41 runs for victory in the final partnership. The Gurus had their tails in the air. The Fathers were dismissive. Paddy O'Gladdy ranted on the sidelines.

Many Captains of the modern game have crumbled under the weight of pressure that a run chase can create. Careers have been destroyed. Indeed lives have been lost. At the moment the final guru partnership entered the ground, souls were being searched. How could this be? How could the unlosable match be slipping away? The Founding Fathers looked to their Captain for insight, strength and belief. What they saw was a giant of a man, a tower of strength, 100% pure valour. Itchy: "Give the ball to Harmie." Norris: "Ummm, Itchy... excuse me sir... did you know that 7 plus 7 equals 14?" Itchy: "Did you say something to me punk? Did you punk? YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH IN THE CARPARK!"

The Captain was vindicated. Harmie's first ball deceived the batsman so badly that he managed to run out his partner. And then he ran him out again next ball. Then a dot ball (FINE!). Then a catch and a run out off the last two balls of the over (FINE!) (Note: Harmie remains eligible for a FINE CREDIT if he takes a wicket off his first ball in his next match) (Note Note: FINE CREDITS are not redeemable under any circumstances). 4 for -18. Harmie had turned the match. The Fathers body language rallied. Norris was uncertain of his future. From there it was Billy: 0 for 11, Itchy: 2 for 12 and Cheezy: 1 for 18.

The Fathers revelled in back to back victories under Captain Itchy. The car park beers and chips and nuts suffered annihilation. The body language was supreme. Encampment seemed only days away.

FFCC vs ‘Kerwin’s Mob’

2009-02-17T14:18:00.005+11:00

Tuesday 10 February 2009

A close game at last! The six man Father’s outfit battled hard and snuck through to steal the vital runs in the last over!

141 runs to 139.

Best FFCC batsman: Cheese: 1/25
Best FFCC Bowler: Cheese 5/3
MVP: Cheese - +22

FFCC vs ‘Juicy Ham’

2009-02-17T14:14:00.004+11:00

Tuesday 3 February 2009

Those sneaky Hams got one over on us this week and exacted their revenge. A sub-par performance from the Fathers didn’t help.

131 runs to 89.

Best FFCC batsman: Nads: 1/48
Best FFCC Bowler: Gilly 5/-1
MVP: Nads - +33

FFCC vs ‘The Ducks’

2009-02-17T14:02:00.004+11:00

Tuesday 27 January 2009

If it’s not one extreme it is the other, oh for a close game…..

188 runs to 33.

Best FFCC batsman: Gladdy: 2/57
Best FFCC Bowler: Hugo: 3/0
MVP: Snorky - +24

FFCC vs ‘Modern Gurus’

2009-02-17T13:53:00.008+11:00

Tuesday 20 January 2009

Put simply we got smashed into little pieces. It’s a sad, sad story….

253 runs to 89.

Best FFCC batsman: Billy: 1/23
Best FFCC Bowler: Snorky: 4/8
MVP: Snorky - -2

FFCC vs ‘Juicy Ham’

2009-02-17T13:42:00.008+11:00

Tuesday 16 December 2008

What can I say? We came, we saw, we kicked their backsides. The stats don’t lie.

133 runs to 65.

Best FFCC batsman: Our Kylie: 0/35
Best FFCC Bowler: Nads 5/-11
MVP: Nads - +31

Caught on the Jumbotron at a recent Boston Celtics game

2009-02-17T07:30:00.002+11:00

This is a guy after my own heart.....

Famous Fathers Faces

2009-01-17T13:58:00.010+11:00

Saturday 24 November 2007 - a big day in FFCC history as the now familiar and famous tie dye strip is created. Anyone know who that bloke is on the far right? He looks familiar.... :-)

2009 - From Flyer to Fizzer

2009-01-17T10:27:00.013+11:00

The 2009 season got off to the best possible start over New Year’s Eve at the spiritual home of the FFCC, Nuggan, Bawley Point.

From there however it has been all downhill. The first match back saw the reigning champs take on the might of the Polar Bears. Unfortunately due to dubious bowling, fielding and batting displays from the entire team the Fathers conspired to steal defeat from the jaws of victory and went down by 20 runs.

The second match of the new season saw the once mighty FFCC face up to the inscrutable Intuitive Bilby’s. After a poor start the Father’s rallied but the damage had already been done. Defending a paltry 55 was never going to be easy and poor fielding didn’t help the cause at all. In the end the Bilby’s ran out easy winners by over 100 runs.

So what has happened in 2009 to the once mighty Fathers? With two of the club’s legends poised to hit the 100 cap mark within the next fortnight serious questions have been raised about the team’s big game desire in 2009. The selectors will have a tough but important job this week particularly in the crucial appointment of a new captain, a captain with the mettle to rebuild this once proud team.

One thing is for sure; you write off the champions at your peril, a return to form is surely just around the corner.

Next match is Tuesday 20 January at 6pm.

The lucky 8 are as follows:

1. Snorky
2. Norris
3. Hugo
4. Billy (beer boy)
5. Gladdy
6.Choco
7. Gilly
8. Cheese (captain)

Reserves: Nads (stranded on 99 proud matches - want to bring you and Norris in together); Itchy; Gristle; Madman (when are you back?); Harmie etc etc.

NEWS FLASH!

Calling all Fathers!

The two founders and stalwarts of this proud club are on track to hit the 100 match mark on Tuesday 27 January (provided they are selected of course...).

Keep it FREE even if you are not named as there is bound to be some special car park moment to commerate this momentous occasion.

Itchy has to carry the Fathers the rest of the way

2008-12-10T10:47:00.012+11:00

Peter Roebuck

Wednesday 10 December 2008

WESTON CREEK - From the looks of things, Itchy will have to put the Fathers on his shoulders from here to the next Grand Final, the way he did in the 2008 Grand Final, the way he did on that last magical finals series drive.

I confronted Itchy with that burden Monday and he didn't even blink.

Those slumped shoulders of yesteryear have given way to a ‘Bring It On’ swagger -- what every championship team needs to see in its leader.

"I like bowling the ball, believe it or not," Itchy said. "That's my specialty, that's what I'm here for. I take pride in our fielding game, and try to get us in good run out situations. That's what I grew up doing."

Placing this kind of onus on Itchy a year ago at this time would have frightened Fathers fans to death, but not now. Asking Fathers fans whether they'd prefer Itchy over Norris a year ago would have been dismissed as folly, but not now. Itchy knows this team so well, he loves The Big Game so much, that he has reached the stage of his development where he is fully capable of making everyone around him better, so fans shouldn’t sweat the big pre-Christmas games.

"Playing playoff games, and you win some of those big games, it gives you a sense, and your teammates a sense that no matter what happens, how we start, or what's going on in the game, we're gonna find a way to win this game, we're gonna find a way to bounce back," Itchy said.

The Fathers are WICC Open C champions for plenty of reasons -- the best fielding side in indoor cricket, the legs of Nads, Mayor McCheese and Madman, the pugnacious batting of Gladdy, Gilly and Hugo, Snorky and his coaching staff, superior veteran leadership -- and the winner who leads their revitalized bowling attack.

Editor’s note: Shortly after this article was published Itchy was dumped as captain in a vicious car park coup d'etat. It is unclear if this article was to blame or if it was related to Itchy’s man of the match performance in a sub-standard team loss to the ‘In2itive Bilby’s’.

'In2itive Bilby's vs Founding Fathers scorecard 'highlights' below (click for larger version)

Family Night at the WICC a Massive Success

2008-12-03T07:09:00.014+11:00

The FFCC Fan Club rivals the Mouseketeers for sheer enthusiasm, raucousness and charm. And they were HOT! HOT! HOT!

Rosie
Jasmine
Millie
Liam
Angus
Archie
Jasper
Ella
Oscar
Tanja
Bianca
Amber
Brookie

And the Founding Fathers were scintillating HOT! HOT! HOT!

The Fathers took the ball in hand and The Hapless Thrill Killers were restricted to a paltry 158.

FFCC Bowlers:
Cheezy 2 for 10
Madman 3 for 12
Nads 1 for 13
Gladdy 1 for 16
Billy 2 for 17
Norris 1 for 24
Itchy 0 for 29
Snorkey 2 for 37

The Fathers were confident at the midway point except for Nads whose body language had all but conceded victory and forshadowed an early retirement. "We need to get back to our winning ways" said Nads. Itchy let rip and gave Nads a right good rev up and away the Fathers went. "We ARE winning Nads. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING - YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH SON! Now get out there and OPEN UP THE SHOULDERS!" Itchy sent in Snorky and Gladdy in a move of sheer genius rivalling Einstein's notion of the existence of a comological constant.

Snorky 16
Gladdy 22

The Fathers were well on there way with the first skin.
Next up Nads (prancing like a Gnu in croc infested waters) and Billy the Kid
Nads 34
Billy 8

The Fathers put on 80 runs in the first two partnerships and were on par for the required total of 159.

Enter Captain Itchy and Norris:
Itchy 15
Norris 30

Tail enders Madman and Cheezy needed 34 for victory:
Madman 31
Cheezy 44

200 runs on the board and Fathers were loitering with esky in the carpark before the Thrill Killers had collected the ball from the boundary.

MAN OF THE MATCH - MAYOR MCCHEESE ESQ.
CAPTAINS DRESSING DOWN - NADS
SITTER - TAKE YOUR PICK WE ALL DROPPED AT LEAST ONE
CATCH OF THE MATCH - GLADDY (hounourable mention to Itchy for snaring one that ricocheted off his box!)
FINES - Billy (for not getting a FINE) Snorkey (failed to take the hat trick) Snorkey (jack pot delivery - 14!); NADS AND MADMAN FOR GETTING THE CAPTAIN'S ORDER REGARDING THE OPENING BOWLER HOPELESSLY CONFUSED.

Founding Fathers juggernaut rolls on

2008-11-19T07:25:00.008+11:00

WICC OBSERVER NOV 2008

Best on Ground MADMAN (49 not out) turns the "Dwayne Levrock Experience" into a glorious carpark celebration that the big fat Bermudian would be proud of indeed!

Sluggo would have had a tear in his eye first when MADMAN unleashed the bat and then later in the carpark he would've headed straight for the Mackers drive through after MADMAN produced 24 low carb blonde brewski little beauties.

The Fathers put on 160 and then continued a run of sharp fielding restricting the chasers to just 124.

Madman's opening partnership with Nads of 72 set the bar for the new season and the crowd went beserk after each of five smashing 7's by the openers.
Gilly (11) and Billy (not -20) added 7 runs in the next partnership and Billy earned the Captains FINE for getting out for Ball Tampering after kicking the ball in disgust in the final over. After getting out for a hat trick in the opening over (FINE EACH) the pair settled and shouldered arms.

Consolidation was the theme with Captain Snorkey (22) and Itchy (14) putting on 36 runs in the third partnership. Snorkey was unlucky to be run out after smashing a 7 and Itchy's rehabilitation looks to be complete as the reinvented batsman hardly offerred a chance niggling and nerdling 1's and 2's in a cameo role that included a glimmer of recent flare and brilliance with a safe, low to the ground blazing drive to long on for 7 runs.

Hugo (27 not out) (who subbed in for Harmie on short notice - CHAMP!) and Norris (18) quietly accumulated 45 runs in a textbook indoor cricket performance and near chanceless partnership setting a daunting 161 run chase for Sluggo's Sloshers.

Sluggo's men came out swatting but the guile and tenacity of the Founding Father was ever present and relentless. Despite giving up runs in the first chasing partnership (47) the Fathers were tight in the field and the batsmen were made to earn their runs. Wickets continued to fall in almost every over in the second partnership (29) and Sluggo's men were on 76 - just three shy of the par set by the Fathers. The sheer brilliance of Snorkey's Captaincy came into play with clever bowling changes and field placements. Norris, Nads, Snorkey and Billy combined to hold the third partnership to just 2 runs. It was all over red rover and the Fathers enjoyed the final partnership with one foot in the carpark.

BOWLING:
NADS 4 for 1
Billy 3 for 2
Snorkey 2 for 10
Norris 2 for 12
Gilly 2 for 17
Hugo 1 for 19
Itchy 1 for 29
Madman 1 for 34

One man who especially enjoyed himself in the carpark was Gilly with an ice pack on his right eye after doing a Rocky Balboa impersonation when one of Norro's bumpers was top edged straight into his nut. Did Gilly leave the nets for ice? Nup. Did Gilly hand over the wicket keeping duties? Only temporarily... while he searched for his right eyeball in the back corner, dusted it off, whacked it back in, adjusted his box and farted and he was back behind the stumps faster than ball tampering Billy could kick a drop goal. True Legend. The Stuff of Champions.

The carpark scene seemed subdued initially in comparison to previous Grand Final Glorious Celebrations. But after Madman's blonde's were passed around the mood quickly took on the swaggering gait of Champions.

Next week's match is 8:40pm. Harmie, Kylie and KEVIN! must be hankerin' for a run!

FOUNDING FATHERS MISSUSSES BIG NIGHT OUT - SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT WITHIN 24 HOURS

Love yus,
Norro

Grand Final Champions!!!!!!!

2008-11-19T07:13:00.007+11:00

WESTY WICC - 28 OCTOBER 2008

In Grand Final glorious fashion, after a Semi Final display of supreme domination, the Founding Fathers carpark celebration was magnanimous.

SEMI FINAL RESULT
Founding Fathers 133 (runs on the board)
Happy Salmons 90 (FFCC fielding inform with top bowling)
Madman MAN OF THE MATCH 35 runs and 2 for 0!
Gladdy 19 runs and 4 for -8.
Itchy -9 runs and 0 for 43!!!!! TRIPLE FINE!!!!!!!

GRAND FINAL RESULT
Thrill Killers 105 (not enough runs on the board due to FFCC fielding factor!)
Founding Fathers 146 (Norris hit the 1 to take the lead and the Fathers never looked back)
NADS MAN OF THE MATCH with 35 runs and 3 for 7
Gilly 23 runs and 2 for 14
Billy the Kid 17 runs and 2 for 11
Itchy 20 runs and 3 for 16
Norris 12 runs and 3 for 9
Madman 10 runs and 2 for 10
Hugo 15 runs and 1 for 16
CAPTAIN Snorkmeister 14 runs and 2 for 22.

CAR PARK RESULT
Every single beer within a three mile radius of the carpark disappeared.
The esky was drained.
Norrisses shed was drained.
FINES were issued.

FOUNDING FATHERS AND MISSUSES BIG NIGHT OUT COMING SOON
Julip Lounge from 7pm
Dinner at Mecca Bar from 8:30pm

BYE NIGHT NEXT TUESDAY NIGHT: "MAD WEDNESDAY CELEBRATIONS"
ALL FOUNDING FATHERS INVITED
HAIL THE FOUNDING FATHERS!!
LONG LIVE THE KINGS!!

Founding Fathers on four game winning streak heading into finals

2008-11-19T07:01:00.005+11:00

15 October 2008

Captain Billy the Kid sailed the Founding Fathers Juggernaut to its fourth straight win last night at the WICC.

The Fathers took out the C Grade minor premiership securing top of the table in the regular season with three skins and a win.

3rd place Happy Salmons weren't Happy Campers after suffering a serious blow to their finals campaign being drubbed by the Fathers 108 - 31.

"We're just hitting our stride heading into the semis" sputtered Billy the Kid after having a magnum of champagne dumped over his head in car park celebrations. "We demonstrated determined batting in the face of some handing bowling and fielding and then once again took control of the game with the ball - the blokes are unstoppable at the moment". The Founding Fathers are unquestionably the favourite heading into the "business end" of the season.

Nads' commitment lifted the team when he turned down a gala $180 per plate dinner freebee; instead choosing to get in there amongst it in the nets and then later in the car park.

The Fathers lost the toss and were sent in. Big mistake. Norris, back from a 5 week sojourn took the strike in the opening partnership with Hugo. The lads were quick off the mark compiling 23 off the first 16 deliveries but then lost wickets including some dubious calls and finished with a total of 25: Hugo 14 and Norris 11.
Billy and Gilly only added 12 in the second partnership after Gilly (-3) was bowled three times and run out once; Billy was 15 not out.
Gristle and Gladdy wrestled back control in an impressive partnership of 48; Gristle (26) top scored for the Fathers while down the other end Gladdy (22) put in a chanceless performance.
Nads (22) and Snorkey (1) added 23 setting a respectable total to defend.

Batting skills were on display in the first innings but a perky Happy Salmon squad took their chances and kept the Fathers from getting a wriggle on. The Fathers dug in nerdling 1's and nudging 2's. Only one 3 and just four boundaries were struck in the innings: Hugo with two fours and a three, and Nads and Gristle with a 7 each.

But the Fathers rose to the fielding standard and made life hard for the Happy Salmons taking early wickets in every partnership and pressured the batsmen to the end.

Billy relied on Nads to open from the car park end and Nads didn't disappoint with 2 for 1 and finished with figures of 3 for 5.
Snorkey was tidy bowling the second over and gave away only 3 runs for just the one wicket. Snorkey was Mr Consistent and finished with 2 for 6.
Gilly bowled the third over and kept the batsmen in check with 0 for 13 and finished with 1 for 20. Norris then took a first ball wicket after a long layoff and gave the batsmen nothing but trouble all night taking 3 for 25 with a bevy of chances going down.

The Happy Salmons had won the first skin 29 - 25 and the stage was set for a close encounter. But the Salmons swam too hard too early. They were never in the match after Gladdy, Hugo, Billy and Gristle stepped it up a notch with fearsome pace and generally good length bowling, mixing it up with odd bouncer and full swinging seamer:

Gladdy 1 for -5
Hugo 3 for -9
Billy 2 for -2
Gristle 3 for -10
The second partnership was -26 and the Happy Salmons were anything but Happy Campers.

Gladdy finished with 2 for 1; Hugo 6 for -20; Billy 3 for 11 and Gristle 5 for -12.

Hugo deserved man of the match with best bowling figures and a net contribution of +34 but was barely pipped by Man of the Match Gristle with +38.

Hugo takes out the coveted "Over of the Season" award with his first over where all 8 balls were bowled to the same batsman who simply could not get off strike: Catch, Dot, Stumping, Wide, Legside Wide, No Ball, Stumping, Dot. Champion.

The Fathers took 26 wickets and Gilly was particularly busy behind the stumps effecting catches, run outs and 5 stumpings.

The car park festivities were extravagant with top shelf Crownies courtesy of the Snorkmeister. The Esky was practically drained and there was much rejoicing.
It was unanimously agreed that FINES will be issued in the finest of Founding Fathers tradition at Ike's 40th on Saturday night where many of the Founding Fathers Old Timers and FFCC Pensioners are rumoured to be coming out of hiding for the gala event. The night is sure to be a BIG ONE and will no doubt go down in the annals of Canberra folklore.

NEXT WEEK SEMI FINAL 8:40pm
The Semi Final Team was agreed in the car park: (Changes: Itchy IN for Gristle OUT)
1. Captain Billy the Kid
2. Norris - Beer Boy
3. Nads - Body Language Consultant
4. Hugo - Best Dressed
5. Itchy - The Babe Ruth of Indoor Cricket
6. Snorkey - BIG GAME SPECIALIST
7. Gilly - Youthful Enthusiast
8. Gladdy - Lethal Weapon

Cheersquad:
Gristle, Our Kylie, Choco, Inzy and Kermie (ineligible due to not having played the minimum five matches this season)
Cheezy (minor calf strain)
Harmie (semi final umpire irritant strategist)
Madman (semi final sledging coach)
Various FFCC retirees and pensioners.

Fathers give 'The Ducks' a cricket lesson

2008-10-04T07:29:00.008+10:00

News In Brief

'And then there were four'

Last night was our first victory for a while, we started out with five (Gilly, Glady, Cheesy, Billy & Itchy) but went to four halfway through the first dig when Cheese went down with a calf tear.

It looked pretty bad, he couldn't put weight on it so he may be out for a while. Let us know how it's going Cheese, hopefully you'll have a quick recovery. At any rate the four left dug in hard and restricted The Ducks to 116 under the captaincy of Billy. In reply the Fathers posted 143 for a famous 'backs to the wall' victory with Itchy top scoring with 41.

Too many fine credits to count were handed out including +100 to Gilly for bringing beer when he noted that our nominated beer boy could no longer play. The inaugural 'Clubman of the Year' contest is now wide open again!! More to follow on the weekend (including the previous two match reports).

Intuitive Bilbys destroy FFCC's best

2008-10-04T07:28:00.017+10:00

188 to 96!

Not a lot more needs to be said. Read down the card and weep.....

At Bat:
Cheesy: 16
Gladdy: 10
Gristle: 3
Kylie: -12
Harmie: 18
Gilly: 20
Itchy: 13
Nads: 28 (best batting)

Bowling:
Gladdy: 0/18
Cheesy: 1/34
Itchy: 1/22
Gilly: 1/43
Harmy: 3/10
Nads: 3/0 (best bowling)
Gristle: 0/28
Kylie: 1/28

We can do better Fathers!! C'MON!!!

2008 showdown at the WICC

2008-10-04T07:27:00.009+10:00

It was perhaps the Thrill Killer’s greatest triumph in sports history, the 2008 showdown at the WICC still invokes jubilation in every Killer's mind. Similar to twenty-five years ago, when Kapil Dev's devils pulled off one of the greatest wins, against the mighty West Indies at Lord's, to script a remarkable day for Indian cricket. Back then, hailed as the underdogs, India beat England in the semifinals and then went on to lift the trophy on June 25, 1983. Yes the parallels are remarkable. But instead of the well wishers sending in their hero messages to that Killer team, this week it was to that Fabulous Father’s outfit that the messages flooded.

See below…..

130 Comments | Post Comments
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Joshua said...

Hay Snork, You are a hero mate.. don't mind on these dogs.. You have done something BIG than these posters and you done Bigger than this BCCI.. You are a real HERO.. We all love you so much. Yeah me man, BIIIG LOVE, you know what I sayin. You are something very humble than any so called youngsters and so called great cricketers.. You are the best.. never mind again they can't remove your image from our heart.. take care and continue your good work forever at the WICC..(Posted: Sept 12, 2008, 2:50 pm)

satya said...

congrats to itchy’s devils on winning the world cup'83 (well whatever you call it out there at the WICC) (Posted: : Sept 12, 2008,2:50 pm)

d.chitti babu said...

salam 2008 WICC cup heroes(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008,12:16 pm)

K.Muthusamy said...

A very happy occassion After 25 years, we have found another captian in CH CH CH Choco man. Who can repeate what Kapil's Devils have done in 1983 But it is very sad Kapil & Co is not part of the WICC now. My personal request is for the Mr.Shard Pawar, a shrewed politican who has brokered many alliances even between the arc rivals in politics – well he should step into the fold at the WICC – cuz those bastards are angry, particularly that gnarley Burger boy ref. What the hell am I on about, dunno, but I am confident CH CH CHoco will respond postively as he is known for his love and effection for CRICKET. Hearty congrates to the FFCC Team. You lost but fuck yeah, you de champs (Posted: : Sept 12, 2008,11:48 am)

k parthasarathy said...

I hereby wish the FFCC 2008 Cricket Heros to enjoy very well the Siver Jublie celebratios at da WICC. The achievment made by them to much trophy and will remain in the WICC folklore history as the best and first biggest one. Wishing you for a very Happay Silver Jublie Celebrations. k parthasarathy chennai(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008, 10:22 am)

Jey Shan said...

When I was age 17 I am playing under 17 college cricket and practicing my Jaffna Hindu college cricket grounds. After finished our practice in the dressing room our master in charge listening cricket commentary and told us India all out 183. We was shocked and think this time West Indies going to win the world cup. After I came home switch on the radio score was 143/7 there after India won the World Cup. It was amazing victory. Much like other night at WICC. Congradulation to the 1983 Indian team and to FFCC – you lose but you win my biggest heart. I never forget the Nad’ss’sss’ (bugger me, when ees possible to finish say these fucking name) word "We never scored well but we wont allow the oppostion team easily chase that" thats spur the all FFCC players and ther play well and won that world cup (well not quite – but shit ay). That is a good captain ship. So well done too Itch and other team players. (Posted: Sept 12, 2008,6:51 am)

banti paul said...

well done Big Cheese and all boys. and we still dont know when tat moment of success is gonna come back again (well maybe only next week when Notto – or was dat Nozzo – return to captain, after shit Itch performance). cheers guys(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008, 4:30 am)

MAYANK said...

It was India's greatest triumph in sports history – much like FFCC at WICC dees week. Billy playe Spectacular inning aginst Silly Willys and one of the great indoor inning ever seen.I want to congratulate Itchy’s men and him self. Billy also ball beatufully during match and Nad's cath running back ward/sideways/whatever – oh baby, horn.(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008, 1:50 am)

hashank gujar said...

Gilly Gilly Gilly boy, and his team of 2008, world cup is great. We remember jimmy amarnath and mr. sandhu that well left delivery that took gordon greenidge is wicket, but this nothing compared with boy Gilly. Give Gilly paji the due respect, no two ways asked. What he did last week to world cricket, i reckon no one ever did winning a world cup as good as Gilly at WICC. Period. Stop. Full. Paji for PM - no question asked. give him the respect. That boy Gilly paji boy = R E S P E C T(Posted: Sept 12, 2008, 1:49 pm)

S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-Sorry Fathers

2008-09-06T09:47:00.011+10:00

The prematch humble apology by our favourite umpire was made to all and sundry. Even Itchy got to shake young burgers soft hand, no doubt conditioned from the array of skin creams he uses to nurture his glowing complexion. Nice work burger boy...but you're still a cock.

The Polar bears, well they look impressive in the field, sharp bowling and tidy fielding kept the fathers to 123 with solid contributions...well... Itch's first innings of 4 may not quite have been called solid but the rest were blazing. Itch made amends second time around with a David Fosteresque choppy 15, little did the bears know about our secret weapon. Notably Billy (13) has adopted a new style of batting...panache and grace and a silky wristy roll, are you trying to look too good for us mate? Was your new girlfriend in the bleachers? If its a substance can we have some?

Once out on the field the fathers adopted a 1/Ike body posture and played with confidence and a belief not seen for some time. Gladdy too would have held his head high if he indeed possessed a neck. Norro's captaincy was solid, throwing the great Gladstone in to open with great results, like his namesake before him and minus the tan he ripped through the openers with a 2 for -5. After a start like that we were never going to fail and despite some ordinary fielding from the inner south spastics the stump throwing was exemplary. Even Snork got one! (drug assisted).

It is certainly nice to play against a team when you can actually enjoy the match, are ya listening burger boy? And the euro carpark beers (one free carton with a packet of saos from Aldi) went down with a joy not seen in some weeks. Stirling tyre squealing accompaniment from the WCB (Weston Creek boguns) made Norros heart fill with pride as he realised that in only a few short years Jasper will be able to keep us all entertained. Right after his morning bake. Aaaaaaaah where did the years go....

Fines
Harmie - for not rolling up and sending some dick called SHAWN!
Itch - for being selected to bat again and for sitter or the match (henceforth known as the grub ball)
Snork - for being a spastic
Nads - for his council jacket
Norris - for his 'morning bake' drive
Gladdy - for having your L plates at 47
Billy - for pretending that you actually have mates except for us

Man of the Match - SHAWN
Product of the Match - Topex
Team of the Match - the magnificent SEVEN

FFCC Match Aborted Due to Burger Boy Tanty

2008-08-28T07:36:00.013+10:00

Dear Santa,

I was really hoping for a few doses of those cool new steroids that Tour de France folks can't detect but after being a naughty boy at the WICC last night I'm afraid all I'll get is a lump of coal for Christmas again this year.

I didn't mean to have a nasty little temper tanty but after Billy the Kid called me Superman and Snorkey bowled that pacey bouncer 3 metres over my head I just couldn't hold it together anymore.

My girlfriend wasn't going so good as umpire and she kept disagreeing with my wide and no ball calls and it really made me feel like how poor Greg Bird must have felt.

Those guys from the FFCC are just so cool and look so good in those tie dyed shirts and we didn't even have matching shirts and my girlfriend gave me -5 and I was really embarrassed.

I was doing ok early on in the match when we held Gilly (15) and Choco (13) to a 28 run partnership. I was making all the right calls behind the stumps and my girlfriend was agreeing with every decision I made and I think the FFCC guys thought I was really cool.

And then when Cheezy (-1) and Gladdy (-7) seemed to stop trying and wouldn't look at me and just ignored all my cool antics behind the stumps I started really getting angry.

Snorky (8) and Norris (3) didn't talk to me either and Norris complained about no one being able to hear my girlfriend but I just didn't understand because it didn't matter because I was making all the right calls.

And then we couldn't get Billy (10) out and Kylie (24) resurrected the match for the FFCC dudes.

I just knew we wouldn't be able to chase down the 66 we needed for victory and so when I came into bat I didn't bother running between the wickets so at least the FFCC guys would think that I am really cool. And I swore a lot and walked across the pitch at the non strikers end when they were bowling just so I would get their attention. And then when Billy called me Superman and Cheezy and Snorkey started to try to take my head off with bouncers I just wanted to go and lay in the corner and cry and cry.

But my girlfriend sent me off after I had a little tanty and I guess I'm not going to get any for a little while. I guess I was a bit mean to my girlfriend because she was crying so much after she sent me off that they decided they shouldn't bother finishing the match.

Tony rang me today and said Norris had given him the low down and that I shouldn't bother coming back to the WICC anymore and the FFCC didn't even have to pay for the match. And now Gilly has a date with my girlfriend on Friday night. Maybe I'll try Netball, I think I'd look good in a skirt.

Ok I'd better get back to flipping burgers at my cool job at the Fyshwick servo.

NEXT WEEK - 8:40pm
1. Billy the Kid
2. Billy the Kid's mate
3. Nads - BEER BOY
4. Norris - CAPTAIN
5. CHOCO - unfinished business
6. Itchy
7. Gladdy
8. Harmie

Let Itchy know if you can't play...

Fathers Body Language - ARREEEEBA!!!!

2008-08-21T19:00:00.010+10:00

The body language was the difference in a determinedly expressive six man FFCC crew tonight at the WICC.
Returning from a spell, Nads lead from the front displaying an unusually aggressive demeanour and even reckoned he needed to get more angry after smashing four sevens, stamping his foot on The Ducks and putting them well and truly out of their misery.

The Ducks lost the toss and went downhill from there. Norris knew a run fest was on with six a side and decided runs were king. (Billy's mate was a late withdrawl (flu) and Kermie didn't bother to turn up - has anyone seen Kermie?) The FFCC squad had recently proven their mercenary run getting appetite and with the likes of Gladdy, Cheezy, Itchy, Billy, Norris and In Form Nads bowling at the death The Ducks were always going to struggle chasing runs.

Gladdy and Itchy solidified their position at the top of the order backing up last week's 56 run opening stand with a solid 46. Itchy top scored with 39 runs and lately he's had every bowler in The Creek looking lost without a paddle.

Norris (27) and Cheezy (25) continued the theme with Norris knocking a four off the first delivery and neither batsman looked back. But for a scintillating seven saving catch at the back net off one of Norro's trademark punishing drives, the partnership was without loss for 52 runs.

Billy the Kid (28) took the strike in the premiership partnership with Nads (12) who strutted and jumped like a caged animal barking and howling at the nonstrikers end practising his cover drives, cuts, pull shots and full on flat bat swipes. There was nothing defensive about Billy the Kid either. The pair peppered the nets shot after shot picking the gaps and turning the fielders inside out on their way to a 40 run partnership. The pair batted on to close out the innings putting on a match winning 68 runs.

The score board never lies and at drinks the scoreboard said "Founding Fathers - 206, The Ducks - no hope in hell."

The Fathers took to the field sprinting up and down and back and forth in their warm up. Nads encouraged, threatened and assaulted anything in his path. Trend setting throwing and fielding skills were on display while the Ducks argued amongst themselves regarding the batting order.

Billy the Kid opened the bowling as the crowd's cheering and barracking built to a deafening roar. The Ducks looked like they had the answers and chased down the skin putting 61 on the board taking the FFCC home crowd out of the match. Norris looked to the cricket Gods and saw wickets. The Fathers tightened in the field and Gladdy bowled a scorching opening over to the second pair giving up just three runs. Norris injected himself into the match and took a first ball wicket. The crowd went wild! Billy battened down the hatches with a tidy 1 for 7 and Norris, sensing weakness, went for the throat taking the ball in hand delivering a match winning 2 for 1 that sent the crowd into a climactic frenzy!

Nads, Gladdy Itchy and Cheezy made it look easy and brought it home with two overs each and debutant wicket keeper Billy the Kid took the match by the scruff of the neck with stumping after stumping mixed with catches behind the stumps, spectacular run outs and dance moves that had Johnny Travolta out of his seat bowing and chanting "Leeeeeegeeeeeeennnnnnd!" Be very aware Gilly.

Fathers 206, The Ducks 142
Skins 3 to 1

Batting
Itchy 39
Billy 28
Norris 27
Cheezy 25
Nads 12
Gladdy 7
Nads supplementary runs 36
Billy supplementary runs 32

Bowling
Norris 3 for 11
Itchy 2 for 25
Gladdy 1 for 6
Cheezy 1 for 23
Billy 1 for 27
Nads 1 for 27
Supplementary Bowling:
Gladdy 0 for 10
Nads 1 for 14
Cheezy 2 for 1
Itchy 2 for -2

Injuries
Cheezy - jarred thumb off a straight drive at the back net - lots of ice and rest from work should sort it out (sitter of the match runner up off Nads - it went for 7!)

Sitter of the Match
Itchy - tricky side back net (off Nads again) but was well positioned and would have been a certain catch with the standard Itchy waste high knee lift.

FINES
Cheezy (1) - failed to take the hat trick
Itchy (3) - failed to take the hat trick, sitter, Captains dressing down (what is it with batting superstars? KP syndrome?)
Kermie (3) - failed to turn up

Car Park
Brilliant - nice work Cheezy with the Carlton Draughts.

Father of the Week goes to NADS FOR MATCH WINNING BODY LANGUAGE!!

NEXT WEEK - 8:40pm
1. Norris - Captain, beer boy
2. Nads
3. Billy the Kid
4. Cheezy
5. Gladdy
6. Our Kylie
7. Snorkey
8. Gilly

BREAKING NEWS
Congratulations to Madman who had a BABY GIRL!!!
Wet the head 7:30pm next Tues at the Irish Club (before the match)
Nads has announced the drinks are on the FFCC!

Beijing comes alive with introduction of the Founding Fathers

2008-08-13T18:06:00.013+10:00

Reuters

A lackluster Beijing Olympics was awakened from its tedium last night by the introduction of the sexy new Olympic demonstration sport, indoor cricket.

With the pride of the game on the line and the potential for billions of people to be introduced to the spectacle of indoor cricket there was a lot riding on the match. Fortunately the crouching tiger Norris and the hidden dragon Itchy did not disappoint and combined to put the 'Smashed Budgies' to the sword in the first ever indoor cricket match at the Beijing Olympics.

Despite missing the opening ceremony on Friday night due to a dearth of sponsorship dollars the Fathers responded well considering the match had to be moved from Beijing to Weston Creek.

After winning the toss the Fathers put the little Budgies in to the field. Perhaps the Budgies were distressed at not playing in their favored birds nest stadium or perhaps they were just suffering in the 35 degree heat and 90% humidity but whatever the case their bowlers were just not up to the task.

The normally unflappable Australian Olympic broadcaster Bruce McAvaney summed it up best last night when he exclaimed, "Forget Hackett, forget Phelps and forget Olympic feats of yore, the real excitement machines of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing are the Founding Fathers!"

To be fair, Bruce had a point last night. The flashing blades of the Fathers batsmen decimated the Budgies attack and by the time the 16 overs were done the wounded Budgies had conceded 189 runs and a lot of cuttlefish in side bets.

Top scoring bat was Harmie with Norris and Snorky providing bludgeoning cameos also. Highlights included Norris being bowled around his leg by a ball deceptive in its timidity of pace and straight flight.

When the time came to take the field the Beijing Fathers did not yield to the temptation to take it easy and rest for later Olympic encounters. Instead the Fathers amped it up a bit more and sent down exocet after exocet missile. The fielding Fathers supported their bowlers with feats reminiscent of Jackie Chan and Jet Li at their lithesome best. Tumbling here and tumbling there to gather up the ball combined with laser like throwing accuracy to have the Budgies on the rack early.

In truth the Budgies never had a chance against the Olympic debutant Fathers and it ended with them posting a paltry 91 chasing down the Fathers 189.

The only question that remains is how far the Fathers can take this new found interest in indoor cricket that their Olympic debut has created? Will they take eventual gold against the highly fancied Slovaks? Will they move the franchise to China to capitalise on the emerging Asian fan base? The streets of Beijing are already lined with vendors selling replica Fathers jerseys and autographed score sheets are in hot demand.

A new cultural revolution for China perhaps? Only time will tell but one thing is for sure, the 2008 Beijing games mark the beginning of a new era in Olympic and FFCC history.

BREAKING NEWS
In related news last nights explosive entry onto the Olympic scene sent a strong message to potential FFCC sponsors.

FFCC manager, Khoder Nasser, and ardent supporter Anthony 'Choc' Mundine were unequivocal in denouncing the Australian business community for not getting behind this great Australian team, "look mate, we all know it's because the boys are Muslims that no one has sponsored them. Racism and religious bigotry in this country has to be stamped out".

When it was later pointed out that none of the FFCC squad was, in fact, Muslim Khoder was quick to clarify his earlier statement, "Sorry guys, my mistake. I have two clients with similar names, Sonny Bill Williams and Sonny Bill Wilson, it's confusing. I meant to have said that Australian sponsors are ageist. I'll be the first to admit that the boys are not necessarily spring chickens but their good looks, panache and dogged determination have got to be worth something to someone surely? Hello Viagra?"

FFCC player representative 'Nads' was believed to be holidaying with Sonny Bill Wilson and the Khmer Rouge on the Laos Cambodia border and could not be contacted for comment.

Fathers back where they belong

2008-08-11T18:31:00.006+10:00

There was a sudden unveiling of nerves for some reason as I sat down at my computer to write this tale of 8 impeccable sportsman, maybe because of the brilliant write ups before me or perhaps just because of the lies I was about to spit. The truth is that I have always been a good fiction writer in a short story kind of way. So that's exactly what this will be a short story of men, likes of which have never been seen before to face battle on the court,on a dark and stormy night.

Due to the obvious scare factor that the Fathers bring onto the court our opposition John's Jokers were two men down, I don't think we are so intimidating that we would cause people not to show up but it seemed to be the case. So we took to the field first with a not so bad could be better opening over by Billy the good looking kid. To be sure our next three bowlers Norris Snork and cheesy bowled great figures, in a word indestructible Norris giving 11 runs Snork a brilliant ZERO and two wickets with a stumping by Gilly and a run out in the field. Cheesy with a solid five runs given, making the first quarter of football, sorry cricket a great start. Next in was Gladdy with his deceiving slow run up only to fire them out at 100 miles an hr with a great 6 runs given. Mad man gave an Honorable first over on paper due to the class in the field surrounding him but giving a personal two wicket heist in his second lapping up a four wicket all day performance. Snork in his second over, again solid with one wicket for four. Followed by two slightly heavier performances by Itchy with 15 and Norris 23 the Fathers powered home in the field with some out of this world keeping by Gilly and some tight ass bowling by the tail enders not giving away much at all. So in short we bowled and fielded a competent half of indoor cricket giving away only 140 runs, a doable target.

First in for the Fathers with the wood was Gilly and Gladdy showing nothing but class only giving away one wicket and making a sexy start of 48 runs. Only to be followed by a legendary pair in billy and mad man scoring a stable 33 between them, mad man 32 billy 1 OUCH!. Itchy and Snorky coming into bat at a intricate part of the match needing to really pull some runs together to make the win a shore thing, a score of 27 left our big hitters Cheezy and Norris in a plump position to collect a ripe old final score of 162.

Once again the Fathers are back in the winners circle.

Fathers narrowly avoid victory

2008-08-05T07:03:00.007+10:00

Last week the Fathers faced up against the Happy Salmons, a fellow team competing with shirts that some may consider dangerous to wear in the Weston and Charnwood areas, however they proved to be more than just a mob of "try-hard metros".

Batting first, the Fathers found themselves in a strong position after the opening pair of Mad Man and Nads built a steady partnership of 40, with Nads playing some cavalier shots to notch up 2 maximums to bring up a solid score of 24. Unfortunately Mad Man was the victim of the first of a series of poor judgements from our official, Blind Freddy. The following pair of Snorky and Gladdy threatened to cut loose, but were unable to continue the flow of runs and managed 14 together. Their progress restrained by the regular unwelcome interjections of Freddy.

In third was the somehow prolific pairing of Norris and Harmie, producing a majestically dour 49, as they proceeded to send the fielding side to sleep with their consolidation of the innings. Norris grafting a textbook 23 and Harmie milking a painful 26. With the Fathers sitting on 103, the fourth pair of Itchy and Gilly were looking to build a formidable total. At this point the court lights turned off and when they came back on again, the Fathers were 107 from their 16 overs. Some believe this was the work of Blind Freddy, however the claims cannot be substantiated. Gilly apparently managed to acquire 18 runs in the darkness.

Despite some setbacks with the bat, the Fathers appeared upbeat in the field, only to the see the Salmon's opening pair nick their way to 49. Nads the only shinning light with the ball in the first 4 overs, bagging 1/5. The Fathers then hit their straps in the next 4 overs to restrict the Salmons to a total of 66. Gladdy (1/0), Mad Man (2/1) and Itchy (1/3), dragging the Fathers back into the match.

The Salmons next pair managed to rack up 28, however Snorky (1/3) and most notably Norris with a huge over of 4 for -8, still managed to give the Fathers a sniff of victory. With the Salmons needing 14 off the last 4 overs, Gilly (2/1) and Harmie (2/0) left them with some work to do in the last 2. However just when the Fathers were gaining momentum, Blind Freddy stepped in to give the Salmons a helping hand, missing some clear stumpings and run outs to push to Salmons over the line by only 2 runs.

Overall, some promising moments splattered with some "special" ones, which were mostly forgotten when the Fathers gathered in the Weston car park to witness Mad Man revealing his esky on wheels filled with amber sports drinks. At some point late in the evening some wild and crazy stories were told of hoards of mad men riding around a mountain for 24 hours non-stop. When some members of the Fathers signalled their intention to join this wacky cult, it was determined that the "Weston Freeze" was taking affect and that all should escape to the safety of their homes.

Grumpy Umpie Foils Fathers Fun Flogging Foolish Flies

2008-07-27T09:59:00.012+10:00

Mussolini returned to umpire at the WICC after a prick of a day at work and the discovery that his girlfriend had spent the afternoon with the Maggots captain. He was in a mood that rhymed with bunt. Nothing like spending a hundred bucks when you get 100% effort from the opposition - knobs. Ol’ capn was knackered from his afternoons exploits and umpie took 5 for each stroke. So 10 runs down and ol’ victa (two stroke) launched into a volley of verbal abuse giving Gilly the best figures of his career. Not bad for a bloke that was diagnosed with Ebola not 2 weeks prior. Gilly also knocked up a handy 27 pad free. Great to have him back, though he was lucky to escape equipment abuse with some glove throwing.

The wicket and bowling was also to Itchy’s taste – his characteristic fleet footed front foot play was sublime in his knock of 40 (world record) and his agile back court catching of the maggots bullets was nothing short of superb. Other notable batting performances were Nads 38, the enigmatic Cheesy 30 and Norro with a brilliant 8…Jimmy Higgs coaching has really helped him along. Look I can crap on all day but it was noted that my card run thru was dreary and boring - and I might add so was the game. Abuse, counter abuse, fines, reports and complaints - a distinct lack of effort and a win that was assured before the maggots 6th over. Crap really, and we can only hope things will improve.

Car park beers were spent fighting over admin duties more specifically dealing with the late pullouts from the frog – Billy’s 5.30pm party invite (but a good knock Bill – 24) also copped some abuse from the Canook. So after Norros’ uncompromising withdrawl from his post Itchy and I decided to take on the administrative duties. Good on ya Itch. Just an aside to let you know my hair has grown back where my head was scraping on the roof of the pimp mobile on the way home, and Amber wondered why I smelt of cheap perfume. Happy to let you pick me up as long as its dark.

The only other thing to emerge from the cool rarified atmosphere of the car park was the impending FATHERS FAMILY TRIP TO BALI. Put a week aside next July – first week of school holidays. Think about it – but leave the boogie board at home. Norro’s the mule. Kids, Missuses, Fathers and pets are welcome. It will be one of those things that will be remembered with great fondness as you draw your last breath, and the great thing is that the kids will be so knackered after a day in the pool they will be asleep by 6! Arak o’clock. More details to follow. Word up the Missuses, but don’t write it on your hand Gladdy.
Capn Snorkwash

Fathers push 'Juicy Ham' hard, get hammered

2008-07-20T16:27:00.008+10:00

Butchers Weekly Gazette

It was a close-run thing against 'Juicy Ham' last Tuesday, but the six man (and one ringer) Fathers outfit ended up being hammered by 42 runs.

Nads and his men battled manfully, and pushed 'Juicy Ham' hard, but in the end 'false promises' and 'bullshit and bluster' were no match for basic cricketing skill and ability, and it was the 'Hams' who emerged victorious.

The Fathers started well and claimed their first major victory of the season, when they won the toss and elected to field first.

From there it was all downhill as the B Grade 'Hams' went nuts and slugged away at the hapless Fathers attack.

By the time the 'Hams' had finished with the Fathers 16 overs their score stood at a respectable 172. The Fathers fared a little better with the bat but by the time the smoke cleared they had come up short by 42 runs.

A day to forget in Fathers folklore.

NEXT WEEK'S MATCH - 7.20pm

1. Nads
2. Gladdy
3. Snorky (el Capitano)
4. Itchy (beermeister)
5. Kermie
6. Gristle
7. Gilly
8. Norris

Pending call up: Billy the kid, Madman, Harmie, Hugo etc

Encampment June 2008

2008-07-12T15:04:00.001+10:00

Check out more encampment shots here.

Billy the Kid - Notoriety, fact vs reputation

2008-07-12T07:20:00.011+10:00

Wicket Investigator, July 2008

Henry McCarty (alias William H. Bonney) (better known as "Billy the Kid") (November 23, 1859 - July 8, 2008),
As with many of the old west dubbed batsmen, Billy the Kid's reputation exaggerated the actual stats of matches in which he was involved. Despite being credited with top scoring 21 times in his lifetime, he is believed to have top scored only twice. One of them occurred when his gang had already safely chased down the total and were cantering home to victory. The other occurred when Billy the Kid was on debut, in a shootout in County Lynham, where he slayed four bowlers and two batsmen and a legend was born. But on 8 July 2008 time ran out for this daring and resourceful young man, when confronted by Captain Pat "Cheezy" Garrett, after scorning his Captaincy and failing to front a pivotal shootout against the Sheriff's posse - The Thrill Killers - in Weston County.

Like many in his gang, Billy was hard headed and loved his women. He reportedly enjoyed a party but found time to run with a motley crew called The Founding Fathers Regulator Gang. He was quick with his bat and carried two loaded 8 shooters into every bar and saloon wicket throughout the mid-west. His bullets were unpredictable and legend has it, one night in the heat of battle, he actually shot himself in the toe.

He reportedly was cool under fiery pace, as were many of the Fathers, but his reputation lofted above what actually took place on the wickets in the bars and saloons he made famous. For instance, way back on 8 July 2008, when he and the other Fathers were involved in the legendary WICC uprising against the Sheriff's posse. The Kid has been alleged to have calmly strutted in and demolished the Thrill Killers with a single swipe of the bat. In fact, this never happened, as it is doubtful that he even attended the match. (DOUBLE FINE!)

According to the irrefutable stats record, the Fathers were in trouble from the start, with many on the sidelines from previous battle injuries like "Quick Draw Gristle" who had taken one in the knee the previous week, and "Cookie Kermie" who is confirmed to have been swooning around in his finest Hugh Hefner white robe with a glass of moonshine in his hand only minutes before the shootout. "Gunfire Gilly" was still able to shoot through the eye of a needle from 40 paces but had exhausted himself in the process. "Hugo the Horrible", still nursing a knock to the knee, was unavailable. Others gang members like "Nickel and Dime Nads", "Hannibal Harmie", "Chundering Choco", "Murderous Madman" and "Irritable Itchy" were behind bars having been charged with murder in the first degree of any number of local unsuspecting bowlers.

But, despite the conspicuous absence of Billy the Kid, the depleted Fathers Gang fought hard on that fateful evening of 8 July 2008. The Sheriff's posse started the shooting and Sniper Snork (19) and Gun-Toting Gladdy (13) put on a decent opening partnership. Captain Cheezy Garrett (7) and Killer Kylie (13) were distracted by the fact that The Kid had not yet turned up. Knock Kneed Norris (13) and Sizzling Simmo (21) set the bar with Simmo top scoring for the Fathers Gang on debut. Killer Kylie (12) was picked to bat the extra innings with debutant Terry the Tyrant and the Fathers had to defend 89.

Captain Pat Cheezy Garrett, lead the Fathers like a champion that evening and fought with shrewd courage, but without Billy the Kid on hand, he barely negotiated a jailbreak from the WICC for refreshments in nearby horse parking stables. The Sherriff's openers put on 42 in a 90 run chase. Gladdy (2 for 7), Simmo (1 for 8) and Cheezy (2 for 15) kept the Fathers in with a glimmer of hope but the gap left in the field by Billy the Kid was costly. Late that night, after several bootleg honey wheat beers from the southern hemisphere, Cheezy was rumoured to have sworn retribution for the late withdrawal of Billy the Kid. Folklore has it that Cheezy and his ragamuffin crew hunted down Billy that very night. Knock Kneed Norris settled into the stables with a few frosties after ridiculous dropped catches off his bowling by Klunker Kylie (sitter runner up) and Snorkey the Sieve (sitter of the match - FINE!) Legend has it that Cheezy found Billy the Kid later that evening, living it large at a nearby poker tournament. Despite several appeals for amnesty, Billy the Kid was heavily FINED and lived in fear of Encampment for many a year.

Sizzling Simmo took the honours of best on ground for top scoring with the bat, raising the bar in the field and bowling with accuracy, swing and pace that ain't been seen 'round these parts for many- a-moon. Simmo ultimately earned the Fathers a Skin with a brilliant runout off the last ball of the match - the Sherriff's posse needed 4 for the skin but only got 1! which was a victory in itself. Forget about Billy the Kid, a new Fathers legend has stamped his claim on immortality.
NEXT WEEK - 8:40pm (Captain to be named by Pat Cheezy Garrett)

1. Nickle and Dime Nads

2. Gun-toting Gladdy

3. Sniper Snork

4. Irritable Itchy

5. Murderous Madman

6. Billy the Kid

7. Gunfire Gilly

8. Hannibal Harmie (bootleg moonshine boy)

Planning Jailbreak: Hugo the Horrible, Pat Cheezy Garrett, Cookie Kermie, Sizzling Simmo, Terry the Tyrant

On the Range: Killer Kylie, Inzy the Invincible, KEVIN! the EXCITED, Chundering Choco, Freaky the Formidable, Quick-draw Gristle, Knock Kneed Norris

Founding Fathers bring global warming to the WICC

2008-07-12T07:19:00.007+10:00

Another game, another win for the irrepressible Founding Fathers. Last week's victim – The Polar Bears. Put simply, The Fathers applied the heat and the Polar Bears melted.

Forced to bat first because only four Fathers turned up on time (FINES to Nads, Norris, Itchy and Glady), The Fathers’ opening pair (Kermie & Gristle) got off to a less-than-glorious start, thanks entirely to an inept display of “batting” from Gristle. Yep, my first six balls went something like this: dot, OUT, dot, dot, OUT, dot. What a Muppet! Fortunately, some lusty hitting from Kermie steadied the ship, with the opening pair eventually posting a respectable 30 runs. Kermie 22, Gristle 8.

The Big Cheese (a.k.a. "El Capitano") and Glady then got down to the business of slaying the Polar Bears without even a hint of mercy. In a display reminiscent of sealers beating Arctic seal pups to death with wooden clubs, Cheesy (20 runs) and Gladdy (23 runs) clubbed the Polar Bears to all parts of the ground. 43 runs - call in Greenpeace!

Itchy and Billy, clearly the fittest of the Fathers, highlighted their innings by RUNNING A TWO! Surely such a feat is worthy of a FINE (for making the rest of us look bad) but the FFCC Rule Book is strangely silent on the subject. A solid partnership yielding 17 runs (Itchy 12, Billy 5).

Closing an innings is a GIANT task, so who better for the job than the elongated duo, Nads and Norris? Nads was at his customary swashbuckling best, slamming TWO SEVENS (the only two of the Fathers’ innings) but it was the vintage display by Norris that really caught the eye. His deft glides and elegant glances had many Fathers questioning whether or not a ring-in (on stilts) had crept on to the pitch in Norro’s place. Nads 18, Norris 16. Innings closed with a total of 124 but would it be enough?

The Polar Bears got off to a solid start, posting 13 runs off Itchy’s opening over. Enter Billy. “The kid” no more, Billy’s 3-for-minus-3 over set the Polar Bears back on their backsides. Norris and Kermie immediately followed up Billy’s great work by snatching 2/-4 and 3/-7 respectively, bringing the Polar Bears’ opening partnership to an end with a score of minus one. For all intents and purposes, it was GAME OVER!

The Polar Bears second pair ground out a respectable and boring 29 runs, despite some tight bowling from Glady and Cheesy. Another skin for The Fathers.

Norris and Billy followed up their great first efforts with more of the same, conceding just two runs a-piece in the first two overs of The Polar Bear’s third batting pair. However, by the time Itchy has conceded an unlucky 8 runs in the third over, the Polar Bears were entertaining hopes of taking the third skin. In an inspired act of captaincy, The Big Cheese then threw the ball to Nads. Cometh the moment, cometh the man! Bowling his customary slow wobblers, Nads started his over with a brilliant HAT-TRICK (fine credit) and had claimed another two wickets before he was done. His FIVE FOR MINUS TWENTY must surely rank among the finest single overs in FFCC history and sent the Polar Bears third pair back to the sheds with a combined score of minus 8.

Kermie, Cheesy, Gristle and Glady allowed the Polar Bears to pinch the final skin, 39 runs to 34, but not even that could take the gloss off another great win for the FFCC.

Top score – Glady (23 runs). Worst score – Billy (4 runs).

Best bowling – Nads (5 for -7). Worst bowling – Itchy (2 for 20).

Best net contribution – Nads (+25 runs). Worst net contribution – Gristle (-11 runs).

Final Score – The Founding Fathers 124 def. Polar Bears 60.

LATE BREAKING NEWS - FOUNDING FATHER CAUGHT UP IN "ENJO-GATE" SCANDAL!!!

In a dramatic development, it was alleged over post-match beverages that Snorky had attended an Enjo Party. For those unfamiliar with the concept, think "Amway" or "Tupperware" but in this case the product in question is a humble cleaning cloth. Surely no self-respecting Founding Father would allow himself to be caught up in such a event? At the time, it was assumed that The Snork must have been forced into it - unable to assert his manhood under the duress of some sort of no-sex ultimatum from his missus. HOWEVER, after contacting The Snork to hear his side of it, the Fathers assembled in the W.I.C.C. car park were stunned to learn that Snorky had attended the Enjo Party voluntarily (without his missus) AND had scandalously accompanied the missus of another Founding Father to the event! Needless to say, an Emergency FFCC Tribunal will be hastily assembled to determine the penalties for (1) failing to comply with Rule 16 and (2) Cutting another Father's grass.

In the meantime, if Snorky shows an unhealthy interest in your cleaning product needs (or your missus), advise him to seek counselling.

Encampment-gate

2008-06-25T07:14:00.015+10:00

The Westington Post, June 2008

This young indoor cricketing reporter had thought he'd seen it all - until tonight when a six man Founding Fathers squad smashed The Ducks in a comprehensive display of post-encampment wizardry. The FFCC SIX (as they are now referred) had only just checked out of the betty-encampment-ford clinic to sober the Ducks and learn that one of their encampment colleagues had "spilled the beans" to their loverly Missus on encampment "goings on". Encampmentgate. "I haven't even been able to speak since Sat night so it sure wasn't me" said a confident Norris knowing that a potential Rule 16 violation was at stake. Gladdy also knew he was safe "I don't even have a Missus besides, everyone knows what goes on encampment stays on encampment - it's in our contracts." The Fathers were befuddled. But never mind, all will come clear in the Grand Poo Bah FFCC Board meeting which will convene in the car park next Tuesday Night.

Speaking of Founding Missusses, Itchy's Missuss is a total legend: Bianca the Brownie Beauty cooked up an Encampment Double Batch of unbelieveable brownie beauties! Judging by the way Itchy and Kermie had a go at them all weekend I reckon it was a triple batch before the drive to the coast.

It all looked good tonight from the outset when The FFCC SIX rolled up to the WICC. Cheezy won the toss and sent them in, confident of chasing a total with a beer or two in hand. The FFCC SIX did their work early and Itchy opened with an absolute blinder of a first over (2 for -2). Norris stepped it up (1 for 4) and Cheezy demoralised the batsmen with 2 for 0. One of the batsmen became overcome with frustration with the consistent line and length and spat the dummy earning -5 for damaging equipment. Snorkey mopped up the first partnership with 1 for 6 and they trudged off with a paltry 8. The match was won.

The FFCC SIX bowling figures were:
Itchy 2 for 14
Norris 3 for 20
Cheezy 3 for 4
Snorkey 1 for 25
Harmie 2 for 16
Gladdy 0 for 27 (magnificent but luckless)

The FFCC SIX were set a total of 107 for victory and Norris cracked open a light beer while Snorkey, Harmie and Cheezy settled for a cold encampment Sprite (FINE!)

Cheezy sent in openers Gladdy and Itchy and the lads stuck to their game plan of regulation ones off the back net for an easy skin and set the bar with a partnership of 1 for 41 (Gladdy 27 not out, Itchy 14)
Cheezy and Harmie were bemused and unimpressed. Cheezy dispatched the first four deliveries he faced for 4, 5, 4 and 7. They chased down the skin and piled on 47 runs for the loss of just two wickets. (Cheezy 28, Harmie 19)
Norris and Snorkey needed 19 runs an piled on some insurance in a 41 run partnership but failed to achieve the skin worth 56 but alls well that ends well. (Snorkey 28, Norris 13).

The FFCC SIX retired to the carpark to a veritable smorgasbord of 25 James Boags Premium Lights, 2 long neck Guinness, 5 tinnies of Red Bitter and a dozen or so cokes and sprites. The bushland setting took the minds of the FFCC SIX back to encampment and there were stories of skulduggery, japery and death defying drinking prowess. But these stories remain on tour. At least we thought...

Next Week's match - Stay Tuned for timing - they've got us down for a double header but I'll put a stop to that!

1. Cheezy - Captain
2. Hugo
3. Nads
4. Gristle
5. Gilly
6. Kermie
7. Itchy
8. Gladdy

Available:
Norris
Harmie
Snorkey
KEVIN!
Inzy
Billy
Our Kylie

Retired:
Freaky
Choco

Unavailable
Madman (interstate)

UPDATE ON GILLY
Gilly has spent the last few days in hospital and is therefore excused for non-attendance at encampment.
He has a bad reaction to some antibiotics and claims that he can "put certain things through" the eye of a needle from 40 paces.
Hang in there Gilly and get well for next Tuesday night.

Encampment 2008 sets new records

2008-06-25T07:13:00.002+10:00

We're working on the report right now......

Revenge of the Nerds

2008-06-18T07:08:00.004+10:00

The odd finally got even.

Poindexter will be filing a match report complete with complex and dull calculations describing the match in full very soon.

Fathers defeat the 'Loose screws' in record 249 run win

2008-06-18T07:07:00.002+10:00

251 to 2!

Match report to follow.

Outstanding victory captured on video

2008-06-11T16:23:00.006+10:00

The WICC Wiccly
11 June 2008

Gristle
So many reasons to talk about this man…

1. But in a word he is summed up…..stumpings.
Gilly watch your back- you are an undisputed indispensable fully fledged founding fathers stalwart, however, with gristle performing like that, we no longer need you. Sayonara Gilly.
2. Gristle – you are like our Sudanese Foster child. Every week each and every Father puts in his monies to pay for our Foster child. Gristle, we really want you to grow up strong and healthy, and have access to clean drinking water, so we will continue to put in for you, but next week cough up ($80)
3. Part of the bounty mutiny (along with Gladdy) in not following Captains orders re who’s turn it was to bowl. Fully deserved the captains car park dressing down. Don’t you understand, we do NOT want Gladdy bowling the last over, we learnt that lesson in last season’s semi final.
4. Got a second (non) captains dressing down when he was found out by the car park fashion police – thanks for that observation Gladdy. Obviously was well under dressed for the Canberra climes – it was like he was standing there in a bikini. However this indiscretion was understandable considering his HOT performance behind the stumps (listening Gilly??)

Snork
A gritty knock with the bat – so unassuming is this lad. Did anyone realize he got 24?? No, I don’t think so. Probably because this man just goes about his business, like a shy little wall flower.
PS: Thanks for winning the vote for sitter of the match. I love you, not only cos you have that special ability to make even me look good in the field.
PPS: check out the special video snapshot of Snorks Snork. A pearla.
PPPS: Was hit for two consecutive 7’s. I’m afraid this has to be referred to the match review panel for possible fines.

Billy
Well Gilly, just when you started to think there was a Father ready to assume your mantle, there is not one, but two fathers lining up for best Gilly impersonator.
Pity no catches went Billy’s way, cos he was resplendent with those sticky figures (read as, he is now nursing bruised toes after bowling numerous deliveries onto them – with one particularly notable quadruple bouncer that did not make it to half court, the batter advanced down past half court to tee off on the teasing delivery, Nads and Madman trembling on the back net, only for the delivery to break viciously to the off side ( on the 4th bounce (in case you forgot), caught the outside edge, bounced into the net, bobbled deliciously to Hugoss, who confidently put his name forward for sitter of the match – only for that title to be snatched from his firm grasp by the Snork).

Hugoss
See above re sitter runner up.
And see above re stumpings. Gristles performance would not have been possible if astute captain Nads had not thrown the ball to Hugoss for the opening over. With the shiny red cherry acting more like an indoor cricket yellow banana, Hugoss at full pace was able to draw that lazy, fat arsed tosser forward down the pitch, and with late away swing beat the outside edge not once, not twice but three times for THREE stumpings in one over. Heroic stuff Hugoss (and Gristle) (listening Gilly??? Or have you yet smashed your fist through this screen in disgust???)

Gladdy
Despite being a significant part of the capn’s dressing down, the highlight of the match was also compliments of this Glad Man.
Over #4, the opening pair is just settling in to a rythym, and Nads showing devilishly astute captaincy (in case you missed that point earlier) - and wanting to get Gladdy’s over out of the way early so he is no chance of bowling the final over (no offence Gladdy) - throws the ball to the GLAD MAN. Facing is the tall left handed opening bat tosser from Kerwin’s Mob, otherwise known as Norro’s best mate. Third last ball of the over, Gladdy digs one in short, tosser gets nailed under the armpit, and hobbles like a hurt little Guantanamo Bay detainee in leg irons down to the non strikers end. Last ball of the over. Tosser, having been softened up, is again facing. Gladdy whips the rm over, like a tracer bullet it hones in at ful length, the tossers eyes light up, he swings, is deceived by the GLAD MANS GUILE, and is clean bowled.
That my friends, was a beautiful moment.

MadMan
This man strikes the ball like no other – except for perhaps Harmie, and Cheezy, and…..ah f**k it, bad analogy, but f**k ya’s he can hit it. For proof just click here to watch Itchy’s video of him – Itchy’s commentary sums it up poetically.

Harmie
Deft slaps back to the keeper (you with us Gilly??) for numerous run outs. Bowling is literally stratospheric – at least it would be if there was no top net. Stay tuned for his next leg break bouncer – it’s not far away.
This man was able to excite the Snork in the car park (well who can’t) by tales of surfboard riding.
Which reminds me, Gristle was also able to incite car park guttural feelings in the Snork by questioning his Julio ness. Fair cop Gristle – cos the man (boy) is a poof.

Itchy
Didn’t he perform beautifully last night? As 9th man perhaps he has finally found his place in the team. He was astounding with his camera work, insightful comments (thanks for pointing out I was game in sending Snork and Gristle in together – Itch, mate, when 2 players have an issue, they need to get back on that horse and sort it out – notice how they never once ran down the same side of the pitch. Me thinks Gristle has spent the last 12 months of his 18 month hiatus over in Snorks back yard doing training drill tandem sprints with Snork. If they can master separation in Snorks back yard then surely the expansive Wicc grounds can accommodate them.

Nads
Astute captaincy. And all round top bloke.
Luv ya’s all.

For those of you wondering we did actually win the match (by about 100 runs), can't find any mention of that in the report Nads. other than that it's a great match report. Itchy.

FF Cricket Selectors get out the knives - WHOLESALE CHANGES!!

2008-06-04T16:13:00.013+10:00

Editor: below at long last is Gilly's long anticipated match report! (posted Friday 13 June).

Father’s go down in lacklustre display

I’ve been trying to forget!! I’ve tried my best to avoid committing this farce to writing. BUT, of course the OVERACHIEVING Nads has shamed me. He has already penned NEXT WEEK’S match report [well it would have been next week if ….. well, you get the picture!!!].

Now next week’s report has brought the whole nightmare of this week’s match back into focus. Damn you Nads! Damn you Nads!!!!!!!!!! Could the two matches be more sharply contrasted??? (Could the same accusation be levelled at the two match reports)??? [Ball-tearer report by the way Nads]

This week’s report should say:

“The Fathers turned up at 18:00 to play against a pack of no-names of dubious quality. Well six of us did. Hugo and Gristle missed the toss. FINE! FINE! [Gristle, if only you knew how close (I’d call it a fly’s patooter) you were to missing your comeback game. Norris, claiming points in the Michael Stinziani quiet achiever award by turning up as a spectator, FINE CREDIT!, was fired up and ready to take your place!!]

What happened next was JUST SH1T!!!! We played like GRANDfathers, not Fathers, in losing 149-126.

I almost choked on my own words to the opposition at the end of the game as I apologised for not even making the game interesting. I hate losing!!!

That’s all the performance deserved.

END OF REPORT”

…………….. But then I thought about it a bit more (oh the HORROR, the HORROR!). Some things do deserve mention.

There wasn’t a happy face was to be seen among the nine (yep, Norris was still hangin’ ‘round) as we undertook the match post mortem. Even the beers didn’t help. How was it possible to take three skins AND STILL LOSE COMFORTABLY?

Oh that’s right, Billy (4) and Itchy (8) batting third struggled to put 12 runs on the board chasing the opposition pair’s 60. Poor Billy struggled to get bat on ball, while Itchy was swinging like a dunny door in a force 10 gale

But they had plenty of help. We only managed to take 12 wickets for the entire game. (Hugo 3 for 1, Gristle 2 for 7 clearly the best). Dishonourable mentions to Itchy (none for 36) and Gilly (1 for 38).

Did I mention that we were SH1T???

A few (rare) highlights:

Gristle, (welcome back), marked his long awaited return with a very poised top score (27) with the bat. Cheezey, ably assisted him to amass 53 for the final wicket. For the mathematically challenged, Cheezey scored 26. [Don’t get excited though, the game was well gone by that stage. They batted without pressure. Am I sounding bitter and twisted - Gilly].

I predict Gristle to have a stormer next week.

Cheezey also set the tone for the night dropping 2 catches in the first over and cemented his hatrick of “sitters of the week”. FINE! FINE! FINE!

Snork (17) and Gladdy (9) in the first batting pair. Christ!!! “I’m not batting with you again”. “No, I’m not batting with you again”. When are you two going to get divorced. You sounded like an old married couple. [Is there something that we should know??]

Gladdy – repeat after me – “Side nets. Side nets. I must not try to hit 7s.”

For those that way inclined, the rest of the stats were:

2nd batting pair Gilly (15) Hugo (17).

Bowling:

Cheezey 2 for 14
Snork 2 for 11
Gladdy 1 for 18
Billy 1 for 24

Oh, did I mention that we were SH1T???

………… AND THE SELECTOR’S AXE FELL (was Choco pleased??)

After last nights DEBACLE the selectors have been justifiably brutal.

Rd 4 - NEXT WEEK 7:20pm

1. Nads - CAPTAIN
2. Gristle
3. Gladdy
4. Kermie
5. Harmie
6. Choco
7. Madman - beer boy
8. Billy

With only two matches to go to Encampment the entire list will get a crack.

Let me know as soon as possible if you can't play next week because Hugo, Cheezy, Gilly and The Snorkmeister are all match fit, on fire and raring to go.

Then get ready for an HISTORIC EVENING the following week.

Rd 5 - 17 June Pre-Encampment match - 7:20pm
Norris - Beer Boy 1
Nads
Kermie
Gilly - Beer Boy 2
Snorkey
Hugo
Cheezy
Harmie

Followed by.....

PRE-ENCAMPMENT BLOCKBUSTER!!!
17 June - 8:40pm
All Founding Fathers Affair - Julios take on Nerds for Encampment Bragging Rights.

Julios: (Tie Dyed)
Snorkey - Captain
Norris
Kermie
Hugoss
Itchy
Harmie
Billy the Kid
KEVIN!

Nerds: (Baggy Black)
Nads - Captain
Gilly
Cheezy
Gristle
Choco
Madman
Our Kylie
Gladdy

Stats Man: Inzy

Match Rules:
Loss of Wicket - FINE!
Dropped Catch - FINE!
Missed Stumping - FINE!
Wide or No ball - FINE!
Sitter of the match (each team) FINE!
Partnership Loses the Skin - FINE!
Losing Team - FINE!
Plus/Minus in the negatives - FINE!
Captain's Dressing Down (each team) - FINE!

Fathers spread wings to smash budgies 160-92

2008-05-29T07:37:00.005+10:00

Wisden Lyrical
May 2008

Mild mannered middle Australian men by day, fearless formidable Founding Fathers by night.

The night was thick with controversy but the Fathers rose above it all with four skins continuing their unbeaten streak in S5.
Two beer boys had been picked for the occasion but neither bothered to turn up. Harmey and KEVIN! cop a TRIPLE FINE each and are facing lifetime bans when they face the judiciary next week.
Kermie and Madman were late withdrawals and Our Kylie texted Norris the day after the match saying he was keen to play.
Lucky for the Fathers the second match of the double header was cancelled when one of the teams was a late scratch.

Itchy won the toss and elected to bat after deciding the wicket had more runs than hooker's 3 day old fishnets.
The Fathers piled on a big total with big partnerships:
Gladdy and Snorkey - 38
Itchy and Billy - 61
Hugo and Norris - 36
Cheezy and Nads - 25

It was a tenuous start with Gladdy (22) facing the first delivery - dot and a one straight down the pitch. Snork (16) was stumped and then run out but the lads settled and put up a handy total.
Gladdy smacked three boundaries in the second over (4, 7, 5) and Snork smacked a couple of 4s and they put on 27 runs from 8 balls (off the bowling of budgie Sean) and never looked back.

Itchy (30 NOT OUT) and Billy (TOP SCORE 31 NOT OUT) smacked it all around the ground and put the fieldsman through their paces. There was good hustle between the wickets and they deserved every run despite several dead set sitters and general crap fielding.

Hugo (18 NOT OUT) and Norris (18) faced the pick of the bowling and shrugged it off with an air of nonchalance. Hugo saved the Fathers 10 runs with clever backing up at the non-strikers end and Norris was faultless leaving six balls down leg side for easy runs.

Nads (18) and Cheezy (7) opened up the shoulders and were just a tad unlucky to be run out twice, stumped once and caught four times. But Cheezy smacked four scintillating straight drive boundaries including a disallowed 7 that ripped through the net at long off. And Nads unleashed a couple of sevens and they put on 60 runs from 25 deliveries - too bad they were out off the remaining 7 deliveries. Nads stooped and dropped his shoulders in disgust and had his head lolling around his navel while dragging his bat around behind him. Itchy was incensed and very nearly flew into a rage. The Budgies lifted. Nads and Cheezy crumbled. They were out for a hat trick in the final over - Cheezy stumped, caught and Nads caught (FINE! EACH) And budgie Sean, who had earlier proved expensive (0 for 27 and 0 for 14) had better luck with Nads and Cheezy when they picked him to bowl the extra over he took 2 for 3! Itchy paced and the boys went quiet sensing another premature Captain's Dressing Down!

The Fathers were on top at the turn but how would they respond knowing the car park would be beerless? And Gilly not in the side for the first time since 1972? Could they recover from the body-language incident?

Snork opened the bowling with the breakthrough coming off his fourth delivery. The Fathers lifted. Then Itchy took a first-baller but the budgies settled and were on 31 needing 8 for the skin off 6 deliveries. The Fathers lifted again. Billy the Kid took the crucial late innings wicket to tidy up the partnership and hold them to 32. A steady stream of wickets from Gladdy, Hugo, Cheezy and Norris held the second partnership to 28 and the Budgies were in trouble needing 101 from the last two partnerships. Nads, Billy, Norris and Itchy looked to have lost the skin with the budgies on 39 with one delivery to face. Itchy bowled an absolute screamer and the Fathers effected the run out taking back the skin. The Fathers were ON FIRE!!!

Snork, Hugo, Gladdy and Cheezy pegged back the final partnership and they put -2 on the scoreboard for their troubles.

Fathers figures as follows:
Gladdy 3 for -5
Itchy 3 for 10
Cheezy 3 for 11
Snork 2 for 3
Billy 2 for 9
Hugo 1 for 8
Norris 1 for 32
Nads 0 for 26

Best on Ground goes to Billy for top scoring with the bat; honourable mention to Gladdy who was outstanding with a match high +/- 27; and Itchy was ferocious with the Dressing Down.

Other key stats:
The Fathers retired to the pavilion and beers were on Nads but he kept a tight rein on the FFCC purse strings. Hardly a light beer was seen. Cheezy picked up the sitter (FINE!) again this week and Nads was severely dressed down (FINE!) Late withdrawals (FINE! each) to Kermie and Madman. Kylie DOUBLE FINE! for failing to attend the match or give notice. KEVIN! and Harmey each cop a TRIPLE FINE! as noted above for failing to front up with a slab. And Cheezy and Nads cop a FINE! for getting out for a partnership hat trick.

NEW TIMESLOTS FOR MATCHES: 6pm, 7:20pm and 8:40pm

Next WEEK - 6pm match
In the 8:
1. Gilly
2. Gristle (beer boy - welcome back Gristle)
3. Itchy (Captain)
4. Snorkey
5. Cheezy
6. Billy
7. Gladdy
8. Hugo

(Gilly - you are going to be seriously bruised by this line up - don't forget your box.)

Cheer Squad:
Norris, Nads, Choco, Kermie, Madman
Facing the Judiciary:
KEVIN! and Harmey
Too Early:
Our Kylie (Our Kylie is now available for the 8:40pm timeslot)

ENCAMPMENT
Make sure you confirm you are IN with The Snorkmeister.

Encampment June 21-22 2008

2008-05-24T06:41:00.016+10:00

And open letter & invitation from the Snorkmeister to all FFCC players

Prepare ye selves for encampment at the newly chimney'd Nuggan.

Activities will come at a fast and furious rate beginning of course with fine night and a Hugo culinary extravaganza on Friday.

A lot of thought has gone into making people feel at home over the weekend and the individual touches will include:

Norro - A brand new wicker basket complete with Dougal, Angus' Scottish teddy bear - reputedly soft without the waxy wipe of public toilet paper. Washable and scrubbable.

Itchy - a large Cuban, rolled on the naked thigh of Big Al our farm caretaker - complete with leg hair, piss dribble and the occasional long pube.

Ike - a bowl of dry biscuits to provide his weekends nourishment. We can organize an extra hard Gulag style mattress complete with lice as well if he wishes.

Choco - Vitamin B to get over the years insemination efforts...we'll put a little bowl beside your bed as well.

Gilly - the headcrush in the stockyards is oiled and heifers are lookin' good - black or brown mate?

Gladdy - a carton of 'ladies light' will be waiting beside your lettuce salad.

Hugo - A tape recording of an extremely annoying noise will be placed into your pillow, specifically designed to switch on the minute you actually get to sleep. Chocos bowl will be tipped over your head at 3am. Fantasy will become reality.

Inzy - You are excused from the beach sprints and will provided with a box of all the single socks in the house...hope its enough

Gristle - you will have the most comfortable chair carried around wherever we go so you can watch us have fun - we don’t want you to hurt yourself…ya handbag.

Kylie - I have got all the stuff ready so you can build us a tennis court on Saturday ready for competition Sunday. Don’t worry we can give you a quick lift with the heavy stuff. A small patch of grass has been especially mown to cater for you Saturday morning redeye burp.

Kevin – you are officially in charge of cleaning products – and the subsequent cleaning….and that should get you very excited. Inzy may need a help with the washing machine.

Kermie – a quiet room for you to prepare the manifesto for the season. You can come out Sunday for some air.

Madman, Cheezy and Harmie – sorry boys not well acquainted with your bad habits yet but I am sure this can be soon rectified. Rest assured you will be comfortable.

Billy the kid – we’ll set up a jumping castle in the backyard

The traditional games of canon mark, bocce, beach cricket will form some of the many stimulating weekend activities

So June 21 – all excuses must pass into the public domain and have to be deemed fair by the committee. I'd put some work into them cos they they’ll be on the website. Truancy will be heavily fined.

Any excuses must be written in the following template;

********************

Dear Founding Fathers Encampment Organising Committee,

Firstly I would like to apologise unreservedly for being a….<250>

Yours grovelingly

********************

The ‘Meister

P.S: the green relining chair is out of bounds

Founding fathers drain esky after ushering in new era

2008-05-21T18:46:00.018+10:00

WESTON WESTIE, MAY 2008

Every so often indoor cricket throws up a match of the barnstorming variety that touches the hearts and minds of those courageous enough to risk life and limb on the quadrangle battlefield.
Tonight the Founding Fathers put paid to doubters and naysayers with an air of confident determination adding just a hint of flamboyance and ill disciplined recklessness. The pundits at the WICC got more than they bargained for when the impulsive and formidable Founding Fathers took to the field.

The Fly Blown Maggots were in a quandary from the start when only three Fathers fronted for the coin toss. "Were the f#rk is Captain Itchy" was all seasoned veteran Gilly could muster when the dim-witted, dork-headed umpire tossed the coin into the air. Even before FFCC Season 5 was underway, the first FINE (Itchy) had been issued. In a break from tradition Itchy delivered the Captain's Dressing Down on the way to the match to seemingly dopey driver Nads (FINE) who, knowing ENCAMPMENT may be only weeks away, had cunningly suckered Itchy into an early FINE!

"We'll bowl mate" said Captain Maggot "seeing as youse guys are only three, hay?" And from there the maggots never had a hope in hell.

Billy the Kid (late call up (FINE CREDIT - non-redeemable at official Founding Fathers Functions) for Madman who was a late withdrawal (FINE)) faced the first ball of the season with Cheezey at the non strikers end and smashed a conservative 1 to get proceedings underway. Cheezey responded in kind and the lads suddenly had their eyes in and blazed away sharing the runs in a partnership of 39 with Billy 1 for 19 and Cheezey 20 NOT OUT. Itchy quickly assumed the roll of Captain and began barking at all within earshot as he paced up and down the side of the nets cursing and bellowing like a bull in a china shop through to the very last delivery. "NADS and NORRIS ARE IN NEXT so get the f#rc ready you slack-arsed, piss weak, lame fools and you better bloody well OPEN UP THE SHOULDERS!" he cackled.

Norris (13) was bowled and run out in an otherwise chanceless partnership of 48. Nads top scored for the Fathers with 35 NOT OUT. Itchy backed himself to close out the innings sending in Gilly and Snorkey who continued the theme with 1 for 22 and 1 for 19 respectively adding another 41 runs to a daunting total of 128; Itchy and Hugo still to bat. Facing the pick of the bowlers Hugo worked hard to eke out 1 for 12. He did his best to control the strike and settle his captain who had decided to swipe every ball into the adjoining carpark. After two overs Itchy (4 for -14) strode down the pitch to meet Hugo (0 for 5). Thinking he was in for a few words of congratulations Hugo joined his Captain mid pitch "It's a bloody funny game lad, they're bowling right well to me and they're bowling crap to you. It's shifting all over the place," Itchy said. "I'll be all right, but you might struggle." Itchy finished 6 for -18 dropping the Fathers innings total to a seemingly gettable 122. Itchy strutted off the ground like a matriarch hyena having just rooted the king of the pride.

The Fly Blown Maggots had their tails in the air. Itchy was in a mood to spank.

From the start of the second innings, Captain Itchy led by example, gritting his teeth, crouching bareheaded at silly mid off, snapping at recalcitrant fieldsman and generally storming from over to over. Backing himself to take the new ball the Maggots failed to register a run and Itchy took three wickets knocking over the stumps twice. Itchy calculated his moves with the care of a Russian chess player and tossed the ball to Snork who continued his run of first ball wickets finishing with 2 for 5 from the over. Billy the Kid and Nads were victims of lazy fielding and the batsman were back on top and the Maggots had earned the first skin with a partnership of 45. They were well on their way to the required total but they hadn't counted on the power of an indisputably brilliant captaincy.

Itchy brought Cheezey into the attack to greet the second partnership. Cheezey was clinical taking 3 for -7 robbed of a fourth wicket only by the sieve leaking in the back corner. There were chances being missed by lacsidaisical fieldsman and Itchy, following his instincts, growled at the Gods and continued berating and delivering a chastising out of the old school. The Fathers lifted. The chess game continued.

of Swing, Norrises first delivery was bowled on middle stump and finished up wide of the flailing batsman at third slip. The Maggot batsmen looked at each other in disbelief. The FoundingItchy looked to brother Norris who, unbeknownst to himself and his peers, was about to embark on an indoor cricket bowling night of genius rarely experienced in the forgotten back blocks of The Creek. Having recently reinvented himself as the King Fathers lifted. Norris turned towards his mark and shook his head at a missed wicket opportunity. Norris readjusted his line in his next delivery and Gilly took an away swinger cleanly just wide of the off stump. The Snorkmeister became intimately involved polishing the ball after each delivery with the diligence of a fine timepiece craftsman. Norris was struck for 3, then delivered a wide and then went for 7. But Norris steadied the swing and took two consecutive wickets and earned himself a FINE for failing to take the hatrick when a four was struck (Norrises supporters undoubtedly considered this a missed run out chance) off his final delivery. Norris was 2 for 8. And counting.

Itchy looked to Gilly who eagerly ran back to his mark choosing to bowl over the wicket; Norris took up his regular position as part time wicket keeper. Gilly continued his form with the ball giving up 1, 2 and 7 thus drawing the batsmen into a false sense of security. The next delivery was a catch followed by a brilliantly short, teasing delivery drawing the batsman out of his ground and when Norris smashed over the stumps, Gilly was on a hat trick. The hat trick delivery was a floater giving the batsman far too much time to think about his shot. Gilly mesmerised. The batsman was caught off balance attempting an extravagant shot and was caught cleanly by safe Founding Fathers hands. The first Hat Trick of the season was effected and Gilly had earned himself a FINE CREDIT (non-redeemable at official Founding Fathers Functions). Billy the Kid tidied up the partnership with solid bowling taking 3 for -3 and sending off the second batting pair with a flashing -1 for their effort. The Fathers were in control.

Hugo went for 19 in the first over of the third partnership. The Founding Fathers went quiet. But for Captain Itchy, every over brought heroic deeds and horrible mistakes for which he did not consider himself accountable. He scowled and growled and threw the ball to Nads who surrendered another 10 runs for just the one wicket (according to Nads there were several dropped chances).

The third partnership was on 29; the Maggots needed 50 runs from 48 deliveries. Did Itchy panic? Certainly not. Run for cover? Nope. Hide himself in the front corner? Uh uh. He tossed the ball to the Seasoned Snorkmeister who began shifting fieldsman around like Warney bowling to Harbajan Singh on Day 5. In the confusion, the batsmen were called out by the numb-skulled umpire for technical reasons - AFTER TWO DOT BALLS, THE RUNNER AT THE NONSTRIKERS END MUST NOT TURN AROUND TO REGAIN HIS GROUND AFTER HAVING LEFT HIS CREASE. The Snorkmeister had, unwittingly, contrived another first ball wicket. And he finished 2 for -3 and the maggots needed 53 from 40 deliveries. Would the Fathers capitulate?

Enter Norris.

Run out, Catch, Catch, Catch, dot, 1, Run out. The match was over. Norris (The King of Swing) took 5 for -21 in the final over of the third partnership and the Founding Fathers turned their minds to the carpark Esky in Cheezey's boot.

Itchy (2 for 0), Gilly (1 for 7 - including a brilliant caught behind effected by Norro), Hugo (1 for 1) and Cheezey (1 for 8) mopped up the tail and the Fathers cantered home to a 55 run victory.

The Fathers are Top of the Table in S5. Itchy is LIFETIME CAPTAIN (until the Fathers lose a match or Itchy is otherwise dropped)

KEY STATS
Best fielder on ground - Hugo
Sitter of the Match - Cheezey
Sitter run out of the match - Gilly (off his own bowling though)
Sieve of the match - Snorkey
Top score with the bat - Nads - 35 NOT OUT
Best bowling - Norris 7 for -13
FINES - Norris (2) Nads, Itchy, Cheezey, Gilly, Snork, Madman

NEXT WEEK IS VERY SPECIAL!!!
We have two matches next week but Nads never told anybody what time - bloody dopey b*st*rd.
Anyways we need everyone to turn out - I'm pretty sure there is an 8:10 and a 9:30.
Named in the squad for the two matches:
1. Itchy (Captain of game 1 and possibly game 2 if we win game 1
2. Norris
3. Nads
4. Gladdy
5. Hugo
6. Snorkey
7. Cheezey
8. Billy the Kid
9. Kermie
10. Madman
11. Harmey - beer boy 1
12. Our Kylie
13. KEVIN! - beer boy 2

OUT - Gristle, Gilly, Choco and Inzy

ENCAMPMENT - Pencil in Weekend of Sat 22 June 2008. To be confirmed by forthcoming Encampment Forecast Report.

Founding Fathers pick up the pieces at Filthies

2008-05-15T17:51:00.011+10:00

The FFCC senior leadership group congregated at Filthies last night after a long break from the indoor game to reflect on what could have been and crap on about various cricket and non-cricket crap. Semi Final night was confirmed a disaster and many Fathers have lapsed into deep depression after being completely smashed by the first place team and then losing by a run to the third place team to miss out on the Grand Final.

At risk of being labelled a bad loser, Norris ignored messages from the WICC pleading for the Fathers to take their place in the Grand Final after the third place team withdrew in controversial circumstances. Norris finally rang the WICC and told them they could "get stuffed cuz The Fathers will be at the pub sinkin' p!ss". The nervous WICC representative asked Norry if The Fathers would be returning for another season upon which Norris negotiated a bye night every two months to ensure a longstanding tradition of excess on pub night. Norris went further. "You pr!cks oughta give us some decent bats and poor Gilly's gloves are ripping apart at the seams." Norris backed down when Tony threatened to enforce strict liquor licence rules preventing The Fathers from bringing their own grog into the WICC on match night.

The good news is a new dawn is breaking and the FFCC player list has never had more character and depth.

The Founding Fathers Player list for season 5 includes:
1. Nads
2. Norris
3. Choco
4. Snorkey
5. Gilly
6. Hugo
7. Itchy
8. Gladdy
9. Our Kylie (9:30 matches only)
10. KEVIN! (on demand)
11. Kermie
12. Madman
13. Harmie
14. Billy the Kid - don't have Billy's e-mail - Madman do you have it?
15. Cheezy
16. Gristle (confirmed match fit and available)
17. Freaky (rumoured return from retirement)
18. Inzy (minor niggles - expected return Rd 14)

The Fathers are set to take the WICC by storm this season. It's conceivable that Founding Fathers A could join the league. With a player list like this we are serious minor premiership contenders (no more matches with 5 or six players mid season). And the beer boy rotation will be just right.

Round 1 FFCC 8 - 6:50pm next Tuesday 20 May 2008
1. Nads
2. Norris
3. Itchy
4. Snorkey
5. Gilly
6. Hugo
7. Madman - Captain
8. Cheezy - beer boy

You will need to bring $50 to your first match and $15 per match thereafter. Your $35 goes towards: smart new kit, WICC membership fee, covering the cost of late withdrawls, pub night once every two months and rhinoplasty for Snork. You will probably have to kick in $50 twice during the season unless the corporate sponsorship drive is immensely successful.

Encampment News!
The date could be the weekend of Saturday 24 May (weekend after next!) - Snork to confirm date.
We want a good turn out so pencil it in and block out the entire month of June just in case.

Found Fathers and Smokin' Hot Lady Friends Big Night Out
A big night is touted. Nads is the man with a plan.

FFCC confirm Chappell departure

2008-05-10T07:43:00.003+10:00

By Johnny Scoop in Weston

Greg Chappell's anticipated departure from the Founding Fathers Cricket Club was confirmed last night when president Norris 'Norro' Norrismeister announced that he will not continue at the WICC next season. The new first-team coach will be former star fielder and current B team boss Freaky.

Chappell's departure comes after a disastrous second successive season without a trophy.

On Tuesday night, The Founding Father's misery was complete when they were forced to play two semi-finals in a row, and then stole defeat from the jaws of victory.

Forty fans jeered the players when they arrived back at the Cooleman Court carpark, while the Cooleman daily, Indoor Cricket Extra, declared that many players "do not deserve to stay a minute longer". Major changes are expected but Chappell is the first casualty.

"I would like to thank Chappell for his work and behaviour while he has been with us," said Norris. "We will always remember him as the man who led us out of the National Indoor Cricket Centre wilderness to the promised land of the WICC. In the end he's won us nothing but hey, I've got a good feeling about next season under Freaky".

"We believe in Freaky to lead our revival because we think he guarantees the continuity of the same ideals that took us to success in the past. He is knowledgeable, full of confidence and has the blessing of the whole club."

International Council of Man Laws

2008-05-04T13:22:00.006+10:00

With many thanks to our esteemed fellow Father 'Gilly' for alerting us to this important new legislation from the International Council of Man Laws.

Fathers save best for semis

2008-05-02T07:07:00.012+10:00

Wikipaedia news, MAY 2008

The Fathers Selection Committee took a chance giving The Snork a run in the lead up to the semis and were rewarded with a First Ball Wicket. After a year on the sidelines plucking olives in Spain and otherwise gallivanting shamelessly, the snide Snorkmeister revived a longstanding FFCC tradition of excellence with a conniving first ball delivery which deluded the unsuspecting batsman into a false sense of security smashing a seven only to be majestically and defiantly run out at the non-strikers end for -5. McSnafu barely recovered to scrape home by four runs against a Fathers side that all but gifted the hapless barrel bottom scrapers after finding out at the last minute that the Semis would be postponed.

Captain Kermie was keen but there was no manifesto to be seen. After Gilly and Nads put on 0/26 and 1/28 respectively in the premiership partnership chasing a paltry 102 for victory Kermie was in the car park toasting the pundits and damning the naysayers. But a last minute McSnafu surge held the "open the shoulder" batsmen to 14 runs without a shot being struck in anger. And Kermie knew the manifesto was good and quietly promised himself that next time the manifesto would weigh considerable stone.

Earlier in the match, perhaps foreshadowing the result, Hugo was shockingly struck in the bean off a delivery from Norris that sent the fieldsman for the icebucket. It was a certain seven but after Hugo finished redirecting, Norris was pleased to escape with a two. But Hugo was all at sea. The Fathers shoulders were down knowing Hugo had spent considerable effort turbo drying his coif and preparing his fashionable fleece cranial tunic for the big match. Ironically, it was only his spectacular millinery that prevented forehead seam impregnation. Hugo was back to bowl the final over and spent considerable effort with Kilkenny in carpark recounting his final deliveries ball by ball with only the faintest of drool.

Norris was also a casualty from his own bowling attempting a spectacular catch off a well driven delivery in the very same match turning over. The ball didn't find middle palm but there was the faintest snick off the tip of Norro's right pinky. Immediately Norris knew some thing was wrong and after a quick shake of his hand, fingers remained abstractly dejected. With right pinking jutting off 90 degrees in a northerly direction Dr Snork was there to straighten things out: "are ya ready mate?" Yes. "No mate, ... are ya READY..... TWANG!!!!!!!! And Norris was right to bowl the final two deliveries of the over ((a one and a five!). Captain Kermie hid Norro in the front corner for the remaining three overs and the international man of mystery stepped in to bat for Norris who earned special mention in the dressing down for basically being a complete sissy. (Rule 16???????????)

Choco was tested in the field and at bat. First by taking catches off his shoe strings and effecting run outs with eyes in the back of his head. Then batting with KEVIN!. YES!!! NO!!! YES!!!! PUSH IT!!! GO GO GO!!!! KEVIN! was like a Field Sargent on holiday at Galipolli. Choco was pleased - his muscles rose to the occasion.

Kermie was the match stand out performer with 27 runs with the bat and 3 for 4 with the ball. Kev was the best bowler with 3 for 0 and Nads top scored with 28. The Snorkmeister won the rising star nomination for his audacious first ball wicket. Final score McFatsu 101, FFCC 97.

Nads was outstanding as beer boy and raised the bar with a mixture of Kilkenny, Boags daught and something light - not sure what. Well received burger rings and doritos lasted about a millisecond. Kermie almost didn't need a Maccas run on the way home. (Captains Quote "did you know the Maccas drive through is now open 24 hours?")

FINES to Choco (failed to take the hat trick), Norris (failed to bat), Snorky (failed to register a run), Kermie (no manifesto), Gilly (no white line fever), KEVIN! (lame dressing down), Hugo (failed to don the bonnet while batting) Nads (just because).

8:10pm Semi Final - this time it's for real. The Fathers finished 2nd place so have a double chance in the semis. If we beat the first place team Tuesday then its bye (ale) night at "The Office" next week. If that ain't motivation then I dunno what is.

1. Nads
2. Norris
3. Kermie - he did enough to be named Captain for the Semis (manifesto in progress)
4. Gladdy
5. Gilly
6. Choco
7. The Snorkmeister - Beer Boy
8. Itchy

KEVIN! is on standby for either of Itchy (shoulder) and Norris (pinky). Madman and Harmie are also waiting in the wings. Cheezy is probably about ready for a match also.
Hugo (unavailable) will be at the Gold Coast strutting his stuff in the the bean bonnet world chamionships - hoping for a last minute entry to the Beijing Fashion Olympics.
Billy the Kid must be ropeable that he hasn't been named. Our Kylie may struggle for another night off. Freaky is ready to come out of retirement. Gristle has announced match fitness.

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS

1. ENCAMPMENT ON THE CARDS!!! Have you got your invite yet???????
2. FOUNDING FATHERS LADY FRIENDS BIG NIGHT OUT - more info soon...
3. FOUNDING FATHERS "A" SQUAD TO BE NAMED IN PRE-SEASON
4. TRYOUTS COMMENCE NEXT WEEK.

FFCC Team Manager named for semi-final

2008-04-25T07:07:00.011+10:00

KEVIN! has been named the TEAM MANAGER of a blazingly in form FFCC squad for the 9:30pm SEMI FINAL.

This EXCITING new appointment by the FFCC Board has some media types asking questions about leadership and future direction but there is a resounding majority that view this is as exactly the brand of FFCC INNOVATION that has blasted The Fathers into Semi Finals contention in three out of four seasons since they burst onto the scene. There is no doubt that recent Carpark Dressing Downs delivered by Big Kev! have provided just the spark the team needed after a minor case of the doldrums atrributed to a seemingly endless 28 week season at the WICC.

KEVIN! has applauded The FFCC Board for making tough decisions at a crucial juncture in the season. "Boy I am excited to be named manager - although I have no idea what that makes me responsible for." KEVIN declared "unnatural love" to all FFCC supporters and gave Dressing Down tips to young aspiring Captains as he signed autographs outside Maccas.

Clearly The Board needed to act and with this announcement trading was suspended at TABACT for the second time in 24 hours after the heavyweight player contract management team of key strokemaker Itchy suddenly announced shoulder surgery would prevent the superstar from taking any part in the Semis. Further to this shock development Gladdy announced by text message from a resort on the south coast: "Just making it official that I am unavailable for next weeks semi-final. But will look forward to the following weeks Grand Final.

The Founding Fathers finish the season comfortably second on the "Open D" ladder at the WICC despite suffering a player list plagued by injury, disease, hangover and overseas travel. In this season alone the Fathers racked up numerous international visits to spread the indoor vibe to countries including Brazil, Spain, Argentina, Morrocco, Thailand, Hawaii, The Gold Coast and Congo. And through these efforts the player list has grown to include a possible "Founding Fathers A" team to be registered at the WICC next season.

This development has made Semi Finals selection tough and the FFCC Selection Panel was locked in the Irish Club all day pouring over Stats, Demerits, FINES, Sitters and Dressing Downs to determine the most worthy and respected Semi Final 8. After several pints the entire Brazilian Soccer Cheerleader Squad was named to play but then sanity prevailed and the Panel resisted calling upon the younger, more talented and skillful part time ringers and fell back on tradition, service to the game, encampment attendances, seniority (grey hair) and several important KEY TRAITS critical to the modern indoor version of the game:

EXCITED TEAM MANAGER (Number 9) - KEVIN!
1. courage in battle (Choco);
2. anger sledge potential (Gilly);
3. big balls (Nads) (BEER BOY);
4. venom in attack (Hugo);
5. unearthly beauty (Our Kylie);
6. well restedness (Kermie) (CAPTAIN - manifesto - need I say more?);
7. try hard (Norris) (SEMI FINAL VICTORY RESERVE BEER BOY); and
8. international man of mystery (The Snorkmeister)

Expected to turn up and barrack are several stalwarts and newcomers alike:
Itchy
Inzy
Gristle
Mickey
Rosco
Madman
Harmie
Billy the Kid
Freaky
Conga
The Old Crow

Carpark festivities are likely to run late into the night so it may be a good idea to bring a toothbrush, swag and a fresh pair of socks and undies.

GO THE FATHERS!!!!

NEWFLASH - Itchy ruled out with injury

2008-04-23T18:19:00.003+10:00

The 'Founding Fathers' will be without Itchy for the semi-final next week after he picked up a shoulder injury in last nights loss to 'Kerwin's Mob' aka the wankers.

Itchy's withdrawal has paved the way for one reserve to become the first of the FFCC's new breed of superstars.

Itchy, international indoor crickets record points scorer, was last night ruled out of the upcoming semi-finals by the pressing need for shoulder surgery.

"Of course we would have liked to have him available and we intend to field our strongest possible squad," said Big Kev, who will be the FFCC team manager for the finals series. "But player welfare is important and in this case it's the right call for Itchy not to play."

The decision to ground Itchy comes three days after Norris marked his appointment as FFCC supremo (after a tense boardroom struggle last Saturday night at the Irish club) by revealing his desire to create a team of "superstars that everyone can look up to in this country".

Fathers almost rue lost chances

2008-04-19T07:22:00.011+10:00

It was close - 161 - 159.

We started off the night brilliant (partnerships - 61, 45, 35, 20) and got worse and worse and worse. We were horrible in the field.
If it weren't for Gladdy and Harmie and Hugo we would have lost. Harmie got 49 not out with the bat and Cheezy was best bowler with about 3 for 9
Anyway it was a much needed one skin win.
We are going to need to lift for the Semis.
Carpark was good. Hoons and drunken kids fart arsing around. Norris was beer boy for Snork who dropped out the night before (DOUBLE FINE!)

Sitter of the Match - Hugo (FINE!)
Sitter of the Match Runner up - Hugo
Sitter of the Match Second Runner up - Hugo
Sitter of the Match Third Runner up - Gladdy
Harmie could have gone on all night.

Man of the Match: HARMIE (FINE CREDIT!) (non redeemable)

The Semis
Semi Final Team is the Encampment Crew plus Harmie or Madman - have played most games this season out of everyone else.
Gladdy may be in doubt for the Semis. We need as many to turn out as possible and we'll have a couple of slabs in the car park and a victory beer at the Irish Club.

Next Encampment
Nads and Snork are the official organising committee.
Announcement on Venue and dates any day now.

Next tuesday - 9:30pm - last match of the regular season

1. Harmy - Captain
2. Nads
3. Gilly
4. Norris
5. Gladdy
6. Itchy
7. Kermie
8. Our Kylie

Who's turn to be beer boy - Gladdy???????(serves you right for converting a sitter into a 7 - oh ya it was off the top net - whippy-doo)

Getting hard to pick the side - too many players - always happens at Finals after a long drought that lasts the entire season.
If anyone in the 8 can't play there are plenty of reserves:
KEVIN!
Choco
Cheezy
Snorkey
Madman
Billy
Gristle
Mickey
Hugo

Hugo's Brazillian adventures

2008-04-12T14:19:00.001+10:00

Part one of Hugo's Brazil report has just arrived.

Fathers defeated by 2 runs in cliffhanger - 142 to 140

2008-04-11T06:59:00.005+10:00

Coming into the game with a reserve and returned expat for moral support, as well as a game in hand on the opposition, the Fathers were expected to account for the Pie Chuckers in some style.

A crack team sauntered onto the ‘G with a Buddyesque level of confidence having rolled the Chuckers previously. With Nads calling the shots this surely would be a practice session for the finals!

Bowling and fielding was…er, flat. Which resulted in the first pair easing it out to a respectable total of 41, despite the best efforts of some tight bowling from the Royale, as well as Captain Nads. Maybe this was to be just another average start from the Fathers, to be followed by an angry onslaught which would leave the Chuckers feeling somewhat impotent after 32 overs played in anger?

Maybe not. Read: 63 from the second pair with Kermie being called upon twice and shown the door twice, banished to cover where there were diligent attempts to dive over and around the ball, only to be saved by some spectacular fielding from Gladdy and Madman down back.

It was then that the contest began. The Fathers realized the seriousness of the situation and the importance of momentum when Captain Nads not too subtly gave each minion the mad stare of the half back flanker and cooly insinuated that it was “Game ON!”

Some impressive bowling from Itchy, enthusiastic efforts from Billy the Kid and a general lift in intensity saw the Chuckers submit to finish with 142. Respectable but gettable.

Captain Nads chose to open with the GREY partnership, who having played a colourful innings, ended up producing something rather GREY. Room for improvement and a return to natural games are in order.

Then it was time for the colossus to return. Madman, backing up from some stellar work last week, in combo with able and revered sidekick, Gladdy. And what a treat it was to watch one of the all time greatest partnerships being compiled. Gentle nudges were followed by 7 “shit was that Gladdy”, 7 “settle down Gladdy”, out! But with Madman opening the shoulders with inside out cover drives and Gladdy turning them off the pads with a Mark Waugh level of nonchalance, there was hope for the Fathers and everybody, including Chocco, was pleased.

Then it was the turn of two truly reliable players to take to the field against a stacked bowling line up in the third partnership. Gladdy and Andy toiling hard but pushing on and recording 26 runs for the Fathers under trying circumstances.

And so it came to the Captain and Itch to bring it home. Snork and Nads returned from their pre-finals training session to watch them unload. And unload they did…to create an ungodly mess which we hope organizers have cleaned up by the time we return tonight!
Sixteen left the Fathers agonizingly short by two runs and even with three other teams heading into the next round.

Something needs to happen. Changes need to be made. Inspiration rather than capitulation needs to be the buzz word. Troops need to be rallied. It’s time to re-dress the balance and the indoor cricket world order. Who do we turn to? Enter Snork. Welcome back and please…..do something!!!

Here is the 8 for the 6:50pm match next week - after two straight losses we need a win.

1. Snork - beer boy (welcome back)
2. Choco
3. Norris
4. Gilly
5. Gladdy
6. Kermie
7. Harmie - Captain
8. Cheezy

Riding the Pines
KEVIN!
Madman
Billy

Not available:
Hugo - toe better yet? How is the Samba pole dancing coming along?
Our Kylie

Dropped: (for their 14 run partnership chasing 17 for victory! - they needed 9 runs off 24 deliveries!)
Nads
Itchy

'Happy Salmons' release new single

2008-04-09T17:05:00.002+10:00

This little ditty should carry them all the way to the finals.

Special message for next Tuesday's opposition

2008-04-05T07:40:00.002+11:00

No-one is bigger than the game

2008-04-02T09:58:00.011+11:00

April 2, 2007

Ray Martin speaks to the FFCC Chairman Norris 'Norro' Norrisman about the enigmatic all-rounder Kermie in part one of this exclusive interview.

RAY:
Norro, can I call you Norro?

NORRO:
Sure Ray, can I call you helmet hair?

RAY:
I guess so, um anyway..... there has been a bit of furore, if you like, from the FFCC and fellow cricketers about the latest Kermie saga. The Australian Sports Commission, do they have the power to actually stop him from training with the FFCC, and for that matter stopping his McDonald's drive-thru rights?

NORRO:
Well the Sports Commission obviously is responsible for the overall conduct of sport in Australia, it has quite a substantial budget and it has to use that budget to ensure that the aims are upheld. One of the aims is, of course, to ensure contracted players fulfill their obligations by turning up to play with their team when required, and that is why they are taking such a strong stand in relation to this and they have the full backing of the FFCC to do that. The mere suggestion of a McDonalds ban will certainly make Kermie sit up and take notice I can tell you.

RAY:
So they do have your backing?

NORRO:
They do have the backing of the FFCC. The Australian Sports Commission administers money on behalf of the public, taxpayers' money, and they have the obligation to ensure that that money is spent on players who front up occasionally. I mean for all they know he could be spending his entire indoor cricket scholarship money on quarter pounders rather than the prescribed diuretics and human growth hormones.

RAY:
A couple of commentators in the morning papers are saying that you should keep out of it and leave sports administration to the sports administrators.

NORRO:
Who do you think bloody runs this club Ray? I am the bloody administrator, coach, treasurer and sports psychologist. Maybe if we got our hands on some of the cash the Australian Sports Commission funnels down the throats of stars like Kermie I'd be able to afford to concentrate on my own game a bit more. Jesus Ray, have you ever played the game?

RAY:
A bit at school....

NORRO:
Wanker.

RAY:
umm, thanks Norro, we'll leave it there.

NORRO:
Whatever.

'Thrill Killer's' prove that eight is usually better than seven

2008-04-02T09:47:00.029+11:00

The regular season might be drawing to a close but the 'Thrill Killers' last night lived up to their 'next big thing' tag in the WICC World Championships, finishing with a 12 run win over their more fancied rivals the Founding Fathers (141 to 129). The Founding Fathers have bossed around all comers for most of the last month but last night the 'TK's' proved too good in a tight tussle.

The Father's bowlers had a tough time last night - the 24 extras indicated as much - and all conceded seven or more runs an over.

Overthrows, one less player and a wicket off a no-ball typified their night and there was really nothing that went their way in front of a raucous crowd.

The flashing blades of the 'TK's' punished much of the Fathers attack and after 16 overs their total stood at a respectable 141.

Sent in to bat by Captain Norro the opening pair of Gladdy and Madman were keen to get the team off to a good start. Controlled aggression and masterful stroke play were the order of the day and despite their best efforts the 'TK's were unable to force any wickets from this pairing. By the end of the fourth over the pair had put on 57 runs for no loss and the Fathers were off to a flyer.

Andy and Cheesy were next in and promised so much. Unfortunately their promises were a little hollow and a combination of devastating bowling and cavalier batting combined to see the boys trooping off with only 7 runs to their names.

Into the breech stepped Itchy and Kev. Kev was a little less excited than usual (perhaps at the sight of his batting partner?) but an uncharacteristic show of common sense batting from Itchy (second week in a row of no outs) and dependable batting from Kev saw a respectable total of 47 achieved after the 12 over was completed.

With one player short the 'TK's' had to pick another Father to bat again with Captain Norro. They chose Kev and he and Norro set about working hard toward the 31 required runs for victory. Bad luck hampered their innings and with two balls to go they needed 8 runs. Kev opened up the shoulders, wound up to hit the back fence and was comprehensively bowled. With that the match was effectively over.

The boys trooped off and adjourned to the carpark for the traditional post mortem. Madman played host and the players present decided to blame the loss on the fact that for the umpteenth time this season that Fathers had fielded an under-strength team. In practice this means that, as the last player to pull out this week, Kermie was to blame for the loss. Strangely, this made everyone feel much better. The disciplinary committee meets Friday to discuss what action, if any, will be taken against the Kerminator.

Last night's loss doesn't change the table and with one match left to play in the regular season it looks like the Father's position at number two on the ladder is safe. It also appears that the Father's will again face the third placed 'Thrill Killer's' in a semi final in a fortnights time.

This weeks 'Coolie weirdness':
Man pushing a shopping trolley full of meat off cuts back home while walking his rottweiler.

Batting:
Madman - 40 (not out)
KEVIN! - 24 (not out)
Itchy - 23 (not out)
Gladdy - 17 (not out)
Norris - 14
Andy - 8
Kermie - 4 (out bowled off the penultimate delivery to lose the match)
Cheezy - pretty good - better than Kermie.

Bowling:
Cheezy - 3 for 6
Itchy - 1 for 16
Norris - 3 for 20
Andy - 2 for 29
Gladdy - 3 for 11
Madman - 0 for 22
KEVIN! - 3 for 8
Kermie - 1 for 29

Partnerships:
Gladdy and Madman - 57 chasing 34 for the skin
Andy and Cheezy - 7 chasing 38 for the skin
Itchy and KEVIN! - 47 chasing 30 for the skin
Norris and Kermie - 18 chasing 39 for the skin and 31 for victory

Sitter of the Match:
Kermie

Man of the Match:
Madman - can't argue with 40 not out and a match high contribution of +18

FINES!
Kermie - Withdrew on Match Day with no legitimate excuse - DOUBLE FINE!
Gladdy - Failed to take the hat trick - FINE

Quotable Quotes:
Norris on fielding: "The gap in the field cost us 30 or 40 runs - We were lucky that Cheezy was able to sub in for Choco and KEVIN! able to sub in for Gilly. I think Kermie was at a swimsuit photo shoot for the cover of Cricketers Illustrated."
Norris on batting "We soared like eagles but we just couldn't get off the ground."
Norris on Finals Season: "Sometimes you have to take one step forward in order to take two steps back."
Norris on the Thrill Killers 12 run victory: "They are a bunch of poofs - we'll smash 'em in the semis."
Gilly on Wicketkeeping: "You miss one lousy match in 2 years you lose your spot in the side."
Itchy on back to back Not Out performances: "It's my life and it's now or never and I ain't gonna live forever."
Gladdy and KEVIN! on AFL Football: "The Cats are a pack of chokers."

Fundraising
New policy:
1. Every player needs to pay $15 every match. (You can pay in advance if you wish - FFCC Accounting Standards rival those of Enron Financial Officers.)
2. 8 x $15 = $120. (Match fee is $96. Excess funds contribute to WICC membership fee, bye nights, Official FFCC Functions, beer in the carpark and new promotional FFCC tye died froot loops.)
3. At the start of the new season - your first match will cost $30 ($15 match fee and $15 deposit). (Your $15 deposit wil be held by the FFCC Treasurer and will be for every player - you may lose your match deposit if you withdraw from a match without providing adequate notice.)

Next Match - 6.50pm Tuesday

In the 8:
1. Norris - Captain
2. Madman
3. Cheesy
4. Gilly
5. Gladdy
6. Itchy
7. Kermie - beer & fries boy
8. Billy the kid (aka: Andy)

Resting but on call:
Harmie

Semi Finals Contention:
If you attended Encampment you are IN.
If you are up to date on your match fees you are IN.
If you are better than Norris you are IN.

INSIDE SPORT: Snorky's imminent return to FFCC plagued by self doubt shock!!

2008-03-28T17:03:00.005+11:00

SCOOP: Hugo's secret South American mission revealed!

2008-03-28T16:36:00.005+11:00

Those fans and fellow FFCC squad members who believed Hugo's story about heading to South America for his brother's wedding will be shocked to discover the REAL reason behind his current visit.

Undisclosed sources have supplied the FFCC blog with the following secret document which outlines the true nature of Hugo's mission. It is understood Hugo is delivering this important message on behalf of a FFCC squad member to the people of Argentina.

Choco out - attending obedience assessment

2008-03-28T11:38:00.004+11:00

W.Creek Hype, March 2008

Today's big story down at "The Creek" is the controversial decision by the FFCC Board to suspend Choco for one week for an Obedience Assessment. In an unprecedented move, the FFCC Board did not take the decision lightly. FFCC Chair Nads greeted reporters after the meeting adjourned: "The Board has determined Choco's attendance of late has brought the indoor version of the game into disrepute and is a slur on the name of the Founding Fathers. We are saddened that a man with such a gift, at the peak of his career, has chosen the path of the neerdowell. We hope that Choco pulls through at the Obedience Assessment and straightens out his priorities - we'd like to see him back in full flight as soon as possible." When asked if Nads would be washing his box in preparation of the Finals Series he declined to comment.

The good news is that Cheezy comes off the bench to fill the void created by Choco's suspension. In two matches Cheezy is averaging 22 with the bat and has top run scorers like Norris and Itchy searching for an extra 5%. Kermie is also back in this week to give the Fathers extra wicket taking potential with his orthodox left hand wrist spin (did I get that right?) and is touted to partner The Cheezemeister in opening the Fathers account next week.

Late withdrawals threaten to derail a red hot FFCC squad

2008-03-26T11:40:00.007+11:00

FINE CREDITS to Harmie, Cheezy and Norris who were all late ring-ins for KEVIN!, Our Kylie, Kermie and Madman. "The depth in the squad is second to none" said Captain Norris after the Fathers comprehensively thrashed McSnafu for only the second time this season. "After Kermie withdrew, I knew this was my opportunity to step up and lead the Fathers into the Finals; I probably wouldn't get a spot in the 8 otherwise." With only two games remaining in the season, the Fathers have the momentum leading into the big end of the season. Norris added: "And it will help having The Snorkmeister back in the squad for the finals - he's managed to play the minimum five games despite living in Spain and having never played a match at the WICC - he's our Big Game Performer".

But last night there were Tie Dyed Big Game Performers everywhere you looked. The Fathers lost the toss and fielded surrendering 146 runs. Wickets were hard to find and there were many missed run out opportunities. At the interchange Norris searched for the manifesto and there was none. In quiet desperation he hatched a plan that McSnafu would later curse as the one of the significant turning points of the game. Cheezy and Gladdy chased down the skin with a solid opening partnership of 44 runs. Norris opted to split the big bats of Nads and Harmie and looked to Gilly, who is in the form of his life, to add tranquility to a partnership with Nads. 64 runs later, the second skin was safe, Nads and Gilly had swung the match irreversibly and the Fathers reached the midway point on 108 needing only 39 for victory. The boundaries continued to flow with Harmie and Itchy in the premiership partnership and skin number 3 was secured with a posting of another 54 runs. With the match stitched up, Norris and Cheezy opened up the shoulders chasing 61 for the final skin. Early intent was signalled with two fours, a seven and a three hit in the first over. But a couple of early wickets fell and then a couple more and on it went. It was nevertheless entertaining and Gilly enjoyed dressing down the Captain with a quiet beer upstairs after the match.

Carpark
There was no carpark. It was raining. There was no beer. Team FINE!

Man of the Match is a tough call this week between batsmen and bowlers but it has to go to Nads for his 41 with the bat and match high +35 contribution:

Batsmen:
Nads 41 NOT OUT
Harmie 31 runs for the loss of only the one wicket
Gilly 25 runs for the loss of only one wicket
Itchy 23 runs NOT OUT
Gladdy 23 runs NOT OUT
Cheezy 21 runs for the loss of only one wicket
Norris 13 runs for the loss of only four wickets
Bowlers:
Gilly 4 for -1
Nads 3 for 6
Harmy 2 for 12
Gladdy 1 for 15
Norris 1 for 23
Cheezy 0 for 22
Itchy 0 for 34

Sitter of the Match
I can only recall a certain run out at the non strikers end where Nads attempted to deflect the ball off his neck into the stumps but missed - FINE!

Fundraiser
Next week is another fundraiser. Bring money.

Next Match - 8:10pm Tuesday

In the 8:
1. Norris - Captain
2. Madman - beer boy
3. Andy
4. Gilly
5. Gladdy
6. Itchy
7. Kermie
8. Choco

On standby
Cheezy
KEVIN!
Harmie

OUT
Nads
Hugo
Inzy
Our Kylie
Snork

Itchy is bringing out the Australian version....

2008-03-20T10:41:00.002+11:00

Mind you after he was bowled out THREE times this week Itchy might ask Kylie to guest star also.... ;-)