The Smashing of the Scorpion

Penguin Books - AUGUST 2009

Prologue
This book is dedicated to the Founding Father of Gilly: Keith Scarlett,
who sadly slipped away not long after the Fathers made it four straight on
their inexorable march to greatness (again).

Chapter 1 – The Coin Toss
The winning chemistry comprised old and new with two original match
Founding Fathers (KEVIN! and Freaky) dusting off their old boots and
coming out of retirement to join FFCC debutant Sidney in the traditional
pre-match baggy tie dye ceremony. Nads handed the newcomer his baggy tie
dye with all the pomp and ceremony deserving of a young man who had dreamt
of this moment from early days and who’d worked hard to crack into the
championship squad “Here ya go mate, try not to f@ck it up”. Norris
quietly marked the occasion with a bit of chemistry that sent dozens out
the front door for fresh air.

With that the 8 strong Fathers promptly lost the coin toss, were sent into
field, and the WICC C-Grade wrecking ball went quickly through their
drills of wind sprints, shoulder charges and a mid pitch yoga
visualisation session.

Captain Nads tossed the ball to Hugo and the batsmen could only dodge and
snick their way to seven runs. Singer followed suit taking a wicket with
the 12th delivery of the match and from there the floodgates opened.

Chapter 2 – A Legend is Born
Debutant Sidney’s first FFCC wicket came after he had returned to his mark
to bowl his sixth delivery and the batsmen ran themselves out trying to
pinch an extra. (Nice work Nads!) Sidney finished off his first over on
a hat trick taking 3 for -7 earning himself a White Feather FINE! and a
legend was born. Freaky felt a bit sorry for the beleaguered batsman and
gifted a few consolation runs and they trudged off with 32 on the board.

KEVIN! took the ball in hand allowing 16 runs to a couple of dangerous
looking batsmen. Captain Nads turned to secret weapon Norris who settled
things down with a first ball wicket. Hugo continued the theme taking 2
for -1 (finishing with 2 for 6) and earned himself a FINE! for failing to
take the hat trick. Gristle‘s first ball bouncer had the batsman
wondering if he should strap his box across his face. He was out caught
next delivery and then Gristle bowled him purely for insult value. They
slinked away with only 19 runs for the partnership.

Singer was scintillating in his second over taking 1 for 0 and finished
with the tidy figures of 2 for 7. Freaky kept up the pressure with 2 for
9 and Nads finally inserted himself into the attack allowing just 6 runs.
Norrisseses returned figures of 2 for 12 and his second over concluded
with a Gristle stumping. The batsmen were displeased - just 20 runs for
the partnership.

Chapter 3 – Endangered Species
Things never got better for the Scorpions who were unable to add to their
total of 71 with the fourth partnership. KEVIN! dusted them up with 1 for
2 and then Sidney, who failed to take the hat trick (FINE!) took 2 for 0
finishing with match best figures of 5 for -7. Gristle took a couple more
wickets to finish with 4 for -8 with all his wickets coming from the same
bunny batsman. Nads finished them off with 1 for 3 prompting the crowd at
the WICC to start the Mexican wave.

Chapter 4 – The Foreskin Wins
The Fathers chased 72 runs for victory. They came in the 7th over off the
bat of debutant Sidney.
Freaky (16) and Singer (21 not out) saw off the openers with a skin
winning partnership of 37.
Norris (22) smashed and overhead full toss for nine “it was right in my
slot” and Sidney (16) would have been not out if Norris hadn’t run him
out. Skin 2 safe in hand.
Nads (21) had a bit of trouble with a stumping in his first over which was
attributed to his skulling of a light beer before taking strike in the
middle. Gristle (33 not out) hit a seven “by accident” and thus earned
Man of the Match honours with a net +ve contribution of 41. Three skins
and counting.
Hugo (11) and KEVIN! (5) were entertaining and earned the skin comfortably
despite some “experimental” running between wickets.
Founding Fathers - 145.
FOUR SKINS AND A WIN AND THE FOUNDING FATHERS JUGGERANAUT ROLLS
MERCILESSLY ON!

Epilogue
The beers in the car park were sensational and the Fathers went hard late
into the night. Next week we’ll be tipping one in memory of Keith. Come
one, come all.

Founding Fathers run amok in double header double victory

A slick, six man Founding Fathers outfit ran amok in C-Grade at the WICC

this evening smashing the competition to smithereens.

"We were smokin' with the bat tonight" said Captain Nads (7 wickets) who
amassed 84 runs and took a scorcher in the nether regions from an over
exuberant Singer. "And with the ball, well, Norrisses' 12 wickets were
simply mesmerisering." Norris was out just the once for his 45 runs.

"When you've got blokes like Gilly who can deliver the goods with the
gloves and bat in four partnerships and bowl 5 overs you really don't need
8 players." Gilly quietly compiled 57 runs and took 7 wickets with a
clever combination of slightly over pitched deliveries and double
bouncers.

Harmy certainly didn't disappoint either with a plethora of boundaries in
74 runs and 5 wickets including a spectacular stint as part time
wicketkeeper.

Singer was the pick of the fielders and also blazed away for 72 runs with
the bat. He was unlucky with the ball taking just the two wickets. But
the batsman had no interest in seeing Singer bowl the extra overs and the
same was true of the blistering paceman Hugo who only took the one wicket
but was prolific with the bat tallying 63 runs.

The C-grade cellar dweller Founding Fathers SIX accounted for top four
side Polar Bears 209 - 92. The Fathers backed that up with a 184 - 146
victory over the top of the table Dwayne Leverock Spastic Association
Lookalikes and siezed the moment with a couple of settlers while enjoying
the batting. The Fathers have hit a rich vein of from at the business end
of the season and have declared finals intent beating three top four sides
in as many matches.

"I think six is just about right" Norris said to the press gallery after
the double header double victory. "If you look at the style of cricket we
are playing right now I think the extra two players may cramp us up a
bit." "Besides, the beers go a bit further in the carpark - the rest of
the blokes are a bunch of pooftas and are barely fit to carry the drinks"

Singer kindly offered to ice Nadses bollocks in the carpark to a chorus of
rauccous laughter and beer boy Nads barely crept away into the evening
esky (and jewels) intact.