Fathers Season – a (incomplete) retrospective

Editors note: Nads set me straight yesterday. Apparently we played a LOT more games this season. I must have been suffering from 'temporary memory loss'. The retrospective below covers only the part of the season since the website began (about two thirds).

Prior to finals fever hitting the squad a quick glance through the history of this past season shows a season of two distinct halves.

Excluding byes and forfeits the Fathers fronted for eleven games this season. The first five resulted in only one win against the Yallops. The second six games exemplified the character intrinsic to the squad with the team managing a massive five wins from six games.

The only team to go undefeated at the hands of Fathers this season was the Monaro Screams. They won’t be so lucky next season.

Official memorabilia from the season will be on sale shortly through Legends memorabilia.

Itchy

Founding Fathers stake a claim for A-grade berth

Cricket Chronically AUG 2007

The FOUNDING FATHERS have blitzed the NICC B-Grade top of the table TWO MUGS and extended their streak to five wins in six matches finishing the season only barely out of the finals. After weeks of hammering top sides it seems nothing can stop the in form Founding Fathers.

The top four sides are thanking sweet fate that the Fabulous Fathers are just out of finals contention.

Last Nights Highlights: FF 153 TM 99

1. Conga (3 for none) blasted the stumps on two occasions (not unlike Roy);
2. Conga - 37 runs not out - including two huge 7's and a 5;
3. Conga - Man of the Match and Father of the Week;
4. Gladdy (3 for five), didn't give up any boundaries with the ball and scored no boundaries with the bat with a no fuss 24 not out.
5. Birthday Boy Nads 29 runs with the bat (but batting partner Norris has disputed the official umpire's document in a most serious case of dissention in the usually tight knit Fathers outfit);
6. Captain Hugo (2 for 5) and 23 runs in a demoralising 60 run final partnership with Conga;
7. Gilly 20 not out and Itchy (2 for 14) and 20 runs despite the loss of several (two) wickets (editors note: Itchy also took TWO catches, one of which was a screamer and the two wickets were both bullshit);
8. Norris (2 for 14) proving hard to hit with only 8 wides and no balls in his 16 deliveries;
9. Nad's insistent screamers to the keepers end when "Fats" was heading in that direction;
10. Sitter of the Match - Hard one to judge this week with so many runners up but Captain Hugo annoints himself with the dubious honour. Dropped catches and missed chances were in fashion but the boys in black pulled it together in the final partnership holding them to -6.

The good news is the Fathers now have the opportunity to mop up the bottom of the B-Grade Ladder and take out the consolation premiership. A couple of big wins against Brewskies and Yallops in the coming weeks will mean an all A-Grade pre-season next year at the NICC.

A NICC spokesman advised last night that a hostile take over by the Tradies Club was successfully rebuked. The NICC instead have strategically aligned themselves with the Cash Flush Walmart. This means business as usual next year for the NICC except that box prices will be up 15% and staff wages will be cut down to just below the minimum wage.

The Fathers really let rip in the carpark after the match and there was much rejoicing banter and fun poking and patting on the back and posing for photographs and signing autographs and releasing the book, signing a movie deal, launching the website and listing on the stock exchange. And much, much more. And special thanks to Nadses Missus for the Chocolate Cake! The Fathers APPROVE!!!

See you all next week for another rip snorter against the hapless Brewskies. Don't forget to bring in your STATS Sheets.

Norris.

Next weeks match (FINALS FEVER)

Wednesday 27 August - Fathers vs. Brewskies – 6.50pm

In the 8
1 Conga
2 Kev
3 Gladdy
4 Choco
5 Gilly
6 Mash
7 Hugo – Carryover Captain
8 Norris – beer boy

Rotation policy
9 Nads (catching practice)
10 Itchy (a town called Alice)
11 Snorky (in Thailand 'finding himself')

Injured or malingering - take your pick
Gristle (pre-season training camp)
Inzy (cartilage)
Our Kylie (s-Tuft)

Founding Fathers spark late charge to finals

The Hugo Bugle - Thursday 16 August 2007

With an outside chance of a finals berth the Fathers knew they had to “come to play” against the highly rated slogging machine, Howezat……and play they did!

With Hugo appointed the Caretaker Captain just prior to the coin toss (you need to check the website more often Hugo, your status as Captain was posted for a week.... FINE!- Itchy), a number of critical decisions were needed to go our way. Hugo’s decision to bat turned out to be critical especially considering the probability of showers later in the night.

Brothers in Arms (Chocco and Gilly) were appointed as openers after a superb batting performance last week (forget about the bowling) and the crowd was not disappointed with a sparkling 49 not out (FINE). With both wickets in tact after the full 4 overs, a team tunnel was formed for these champions of the game.

Nads and Norris batted next even though it has been a long time since they had batted together. In fact it's been a long time since anyone has batted with the super sub “Norro”. It's amazing what 8 weeks laying on your arse can do for your cricket ability. The fact that Norro had forgotten how to play was a benefit to the fathers as he came out all guns blazing and put the cricket textbook in the bin. The pair put on a sparkling 46, with Norro unbeaten on 24. After being 2 for 5 after the first 2 overs, the pair put on 41 in the remaining 2 overs of the innings!

Gladdy and Itchy put on a polished 53 for the loss of no wickets, even though there were 16 missed opportunities thanks to the powerful hitting of both. Itchy top scored for the team with a resounding 31 No.

So after 12 overs the fathers had lost a total of 2 wickets a sublime effort, that’s a wicket every 6 overs, simply impressive.

With the Fathers on 148 there was an opportunity to score over 200 and secure the bonus point. However at the Captains instruction Kevin was requested not to embarrass the opposition, but this message appeared to have been taken a bit too far as Kevin ended up with a positive score of 1 out of the innings of 24.

In came Howezat, trying to chase down the impressive total of 172, at approximately 10.8125 runs per over - a very gettable target considering the final four overs of the previous match! Sportsbet had changed the odds on the Fathers from $80 to $1.00001.

The rest is history the Fathers bamboooozeled the opposition with stunning run outs, bowling and catches – the best fielding performance of the century. A number of one handed screamers by Nads at the back of the court were simply sublime. Although all this co-ordinated brilliance was undone when ungraciously when he tried his best to impale all his “Nads” on middle stump whilst attempting a simple run out.

The Fathers went on to win by 72 runs and lost only 5 wickets in total compared with 21 by Howezat (see graph- click on graph for larger version). There have been whispers of A grade next season amongst the Fathers but those dreams were quickly shelved upon reliving the 9 match losing streak earlier during the B grade season. Bring on D grade and Shaw.

Super-Sub Norro was MVP, the Wayne Gretzky of Cricket. His dedication to winning was outstanding it shows his pre-game nets training has paid dividends.

The car park beers flowed, the banter was exceptional and ideas how to get keys for Snorkys farm for the Annual Encampment were discussed.

Post Match Update:

Wickets were the key as any cricket coach would advise.

A request from the ACB has been made to the Fathers for a copy of the match video. The video is apparently to assist the cricket academy in making good cricketers into great cricketers (something the Fathers excel at, well maybe bad cricketers into good drinkers!). The ACB also advised that they have identified Canada as a new country to scout for exceptional talent.

Next weeks match (last match of the regular season)

Wednesday 22 August - Fathers vs. Two Jugs (league leaders) – 9.30pm

In the 8
1 Conga
2 Nads - Birthday beer boy (tough call but there you go...)
3 Gladdy
4 Choco
5 Gilly
6 Itchy
7 Hugo - Captain
8 Norris

Rotation policy

9 Kev (Mum said no)
10 Mash
11 Snorky (in Thailand 'finding himself')

Injured or malingering - take your pick
Gristle (pre-season training camp)
Inzy (cartilage)
Our Kylie (s-Tuft)

Depleted Fathers outfit take it to the wire

Associated Press – Thursday 9 August 2007

Last night a depleted Founding Fathers outfit pulled off what many are calling the ‘game of their lives’. With only six Fathers able to take the field Conga, Gladdy, Itchy, Hugo, Gilly and Chocco were always going to be up against it versus the fourth placed ‘Dodgy Wicket’ (DW).

Despite never having beaten DW the Fathers took to their monumental task with great aplomb. Sent in to bat by a sympathetic DW Captain (Hugo had not yet arrived………FINE) Chocco (24) and Gilly (33) blazed away at the hapless opening bowlers and posted a brilliant 57. Highlights of their innings included Chocco being BOWLED off a double hop ball (FINE).

Next in were Gladdy (30) and Itchy (6). Gutsy batting typified their innings and they trooped off with a respectable 36. Gladdy was solid as always and Itchy had a mini heart attack half-way through but managed to regroup. Conga (26) and Hugo (23) soon followed and so too did the runs with the boys trooping off after smashing an entertaining 49. Conga got cranky and opened up the shoulders which warmed Itchy’s heart in particular.

The last pair were up. DW were undecided, who to choose? Thinking they were terribly clever they chose Itchy and Gladdy to have another dig. DW’s ace in the hole was that they had saved their two best bowlers for last, would it work? Sadly it didn’t. Frustrating the shit out of their two best bowlers and smashing the rabbits was the order of the day and Itchy (22) and Gladdy (6) trooped off with a respectable 28.

The change brought out DW’s openers. They never got a start under a sustained Fathers bowling barrage and were skittled for 10. The Fathers were looking good. The next pair tried to get going and looked to steady the rocky DW ship. Despite their best efforts further bowling brilliance held them to a measly 23.

After two pairs DW were on the rocks with 33 playing 93, the Fathers had a 60 run lead but remained focused. The third pair batted doggedly but lost wickets at crucial times thanks to brilliant bowling and could manage only 21.

The last DW pair strolled on to the NICC ‘Four n Twenty’ paddock looking confident, but why? They needed 116 runs from four overs to win, 29 runs an over to be exact, 3.62 per ball! Itchy was heard to mutter to Chocco, “we’ll have to try pretty hard to lose from here…”. The DW lads liked the cut of Chocco and Gilly’s jib so they requested they have two overs each in the final four.

To put it politely DW went MENTAL with the bat. Poor Chocco and Gilly got smacked in the first three overs of the final four. Hugo and Conga who were fielding on the back net got peppered with a succession of exocet missiles. The Fathers came under heavy fire and took casualties. When the smoke cleared DW had, incredibly, posted 97 runs from just 3 overs.

The Fathers were shaken, the Fathers were rocked, the Fathers were injured, but crucially and in a display of TICKER that will long live in the memory of those present for this momentous game the Fathers were not, and would not, be BOWED.

DW needed just 20 to win the match and seal an historic victory. DW looked confident and had every right to be, after all, this pair had averaged 32.33 per over for the previous three overs.

But they hadn’t taken into account the ‘Gilly factor’. Gilly picked up the ball, he looked poised, he looked confident. Sensing this the Fathers got on their toes and readied themselves for something just a little ‘special’.

What followed was nothing short of remarkable. In a display of cunning, guile and outright trickery that will be talked about for generations Gilly and the remaining FIVE fielding Fathers got inside the heads of the DW firebrand batsmen. Brilliant bowling combined with lightning reflexes in the field for the first delivery eroded their confidence. From this point on DW didn’t stand a chance. The Fathers were whooping, the fathers were jiggling, the Fathers were all over the field like Joe Hockey on a sausage roll and Gilly was tweaking the ball with a confidence rarely seen since Warnie hung up the jock strap. In the end DW could manage only 16 runs from the final over.

The Fathers had won! The six Fathers who took the field left as true heroes of the game. The question now is, with the finals in sight what could an eight man Fathers team be capable of? Stay tuned.

Man of the match: Gilly – best batting with 33 runs, 'best' bowling with 4 for 46 and brilliant at the death. On ya Gilly!

Honorable mention: Inzy - on the injured list but came out of his way to drop by and visit the depleted fathers.

Note to the stats nerds: their last innings is recorded as only 99 and not 113 because the scoreboard (pictured) can't go that high....

Next weeks match – Wednesday 15 August - Fathers vs. Howezat – 8.10pm

In the 8

1 Kev
2 Nads
3 Gladdy
4 Chocco
5 Gilly - beer boy
6 Itchy
7 Hugo - Captain
8 Norris

Rotation policy
9 Conga (laurel resting)
10 Mash (chillin')
11 Snorky (in Thailand 'finding himself')

Injured or malingering - take your pick
Gristle (pre-season training camp)
Inzy (cartilage)
Our Kylie (Tuft luck)

White Line Fever Mars Gritty Fathers Display

A petulant display by Gilly behind the stumps detracted from what was otherwise a strong fielding, albeit losing, display by the Fathers in last night's clash with the big-hitting Monaro Scream(er)s. Despite holding some scintillating catches the Fathers went down by 54 runs bringing to an end their four week winning streak under Nads’ incisive leadership.

Normally so calm and unemotional in his work with the gloves, Gilly's outburst was clearly an aberration. "The umpire seemed to have upset him" commented Kev, who again proved to be a little excited during the match. Captain Nads attributed the wicket abuse warning and the short effusive response to a recent form slump which he felt may have been playing on the young wicketkeeper's mind.

Indeed, testimony to umpire Benji's – sounds like a good name for a dog!! - questionable competence was his accrediting Gladdy with 28 runs, awarding him Fathers' man of the match when in reality Gladdy had only scored (a solid) 18. This award deprived the better credentialed (at least on this night) Conga (26), Itchy (25) and Nads (5 for -5) of much deserved recognition. Perhaps Gladdy could take a little consolation given he had been forced to run half runs up and back to the non-strikers end as Conga farmed 10 of his runs off the first 7 balls of the match without even getting bat to ball!!!!!

Any anticipated lethargy from the previous week’s bye was instantly dispelled with yet another strong and competent opening stand between Conga and Gladdy. Both looked unruffled as they amassed a tidy 44 runs. Their composure was again underscored by the fact that the Scream(er)s could only manage to break the partnership once.

In past weeks the Fathers’ have developed a habit of producing one poor batting performance among the four batting pairs. This week it was Gilly (10) and Snorky (3), tarnishing the Snork’s farewell performance before jetting off to Spain (FINE!!!). They never recovered from a poor start losing two wickets in the first four balls. A late effort by Snorky 'opening the shoulders' to repair the damage only resulted in further wickets.

Choco (8) and Itchy (25) lost early wickets, but recovered to post a partnership of 33. It could have been more had Choco not been unlucky to be caught from a ball rebounding off one of the Scream(er)s’ blockheads.

With 90 on the board a big score was anticipated as Nads (12) and Kev (8) came to the crease. Anticipated, yes. Delivered, well not quite, as Nads struggled with the bat.

Still, 110 should be defendable. But that looked an unlikely proposition as the Scream(er)s first batting pair reeled off 28 runs in the first two overs. Captain Nads made the big call bringing himself on to bowl. Three wickets in five balls (including an unconverted hat-trick – FINE]) had the Scream(ers) heading to the room of mirrors. Kev followed up with a tidy over keeping the partnership to 31 (and a skin to the Fathers).

The Fathers were moving well in the field, taking some scorching catches. Gladdy plucked a rocket from the air and Choco’s diving one-hander was a joy to watch. Congo’s agility allowed him to remain a living, breathing human on the planet as he evaded an exocet that threatened to part his hair. Though tidy in the field, the Father’s got very few appeals for run outs paid. Combined with the Screamers ability to regularly find the back net on the full that meant the Fathers were always in trouble. Snorky did an admirable job at the back but was lamenting the fact that he wasn't a foot taller as ball after ball sailed inches over his hand in full leaping stretch. Eight sevens were scored, surely a record against the Fathers and, uncharacteristically, three of them coming from a single Gladdy over (FINE!!!).

All the Fathers got amongst the wickets but the match was all over by the time the last batting pair had come to the crease. The less said about Gilly’s performance the better.

Captain’s cuddle, anyone????

… Oh yeah, nearly forgot to mention that in his sterling 5 for -5 Nads failed to convert another hat-trick in his second over. Another FINE!!! [God I love this Norris]

Next weeks match – Wednesday 8 August - Fathers vs. Dodgy Wicket – 5.30pm

In the 8
1 Chocco - beer boy
2 Mash
3 Gladdy
4 Conga - Captain
5 Gilly
6 Itchy
7 Hugo
8 ????????

Unavailable
9 Our Kylie
10 Norris
11 Nads
12 Kev
13 Snorky

Injured
Gristle (pre-season training camp)
Inzy (cartiliage)

Adios amigos

Dear Snorky & family

Leaving on a jet plane tomorrow for sunnier climes. Have a great trip and enjoy the many delights of Thailand and Spain.

We can't promise there'll be a place for you in the team when you return but keep up the regular nets sessions and we'll see what we can do.

Don't forget to keep checking this site for further tales of our world beating exploits. No doubt your association with the Fathers will ensure you don't have to buy any drinks during your time away (our web stats show we are HUGE in Thailand and particularly in Spain - threatening bullfighting as the national pastime I understand).

All the best from all the 'Fathers' and their families.