Encampment-gate

The Westington Post, June 2008

This young indoor cricketing reporter had thought he'd seen it all - until tonight when a six man Founding Fathers squad smashed The Ducks in a comprehensive display of post-encampment wizardry. The FFCC SIX (as they are now referred) had only just checked out of the betty-encampment-ford clinic to sober the Ducks and learn that one of their encampment colleagues had "spilled the beans" to their loverly Missus on encampment "goings on". Encampmentgate. "I haven't even been able to speak since Sat night so it sure wasn't me" said a confident Norris knowing that a potential Rule 16 violation was at stake. Gladdy also knew he was safe "I don't even have a Missus besides, everyone knows what goes on encampment stays on encampment - it's in our contracts." The Fathers were befuddled. But never mind, all will come clear in the Grand Poo Bah FFCC Board meeting which will convene in the car park next Tuesday Night.

Speaking of Founding Missusses, Itchy's Missuss is a total legend: Bianca the Brownie Beauty cooked up an Encampment Double Batch of unbelieveable brownie beauties! Judging by the way Itchy and Kermie had a go at them all weekend I reckon it was a triple batch before the drive to the coast.

It all looked good tonight from the outset when The FFCC SIX rolled up to the WICC. Cheezy won the toss and sent them in, confident of chasing a total with a beer or two in hand. The FFCC SIX did their work early and Itchy opened with an absolute blinder of a first over (2 for -2). Norris stepped it up (1 for 4) and Cheezy demoralised the batsmen with 2 for 0. One of the batsmen became overcome with frustration with the consistent line and length and spat the dummy earning -5 for damaging equipment. Snorkey mopped up the first partnership with 1 for 6 and they trudged off with a paltry 8. The match was won.

The FFCC SIX bowling figures were:
Itchy 2 for 14
Norris 3 for 20
Cheezy 3 for 4
Snorkey 1 for 25
Harmie 2 for 16
Gladdy 0 for 27 (magnificent but luckless)

The FFCC SIX were set a total of 107 for victory and Norris cracked open a light beer while Snorkey, Harmie and Cheezy settled for a cold encampment Sprite (FINE!)

Cheezy sent in openers Gladdy and Itchy and the lads stuck to their game plan of regulation ones off the back net for an easy skin and set the bar with a partnership of 1 for 41 (Gladdy 27 not out, Itchy 14)
Cheezy and Harmie were bemused and unimpressed. Cheezy dispatched the first four deliveries he faced for 4, 5, 4 and 7. They chased down the skin and piled on 47 runs for the loss of just two wickets. (Cheezy 28, Harmie 19)
Norris and Snorkey needed 19 runs an piled on some insurance in a 41 run partnership but failed to achieve the skin worth 56 but alls well that ends well. (Snorkey 28, Norris 13).

The FFCC SIX retired to the carpark to a veritable smorgasbord of 25 James Boags Premium Lights, 2 long neck Guinness, 5 tinnies of Red Bitter and a dozen or so cokes and sprites. The bushland setting took the minds of the FFCC SIX back to encampment and there were stories of skulduggery, japery and death defying drinking prowess. But these stories remain on tour. At least we thought...

Next Week's match - Stay Tuned for timing - they've got us down for a double header but I'll put a stop to that!

1. Cheezy - Captain
2. Hugo
3. Nads
4. Gristle
5. Gilly
6. Kermie
7. Itchy
8. Gladdy

Available:
Norris
Harmie
Snorkey
KEVIN!
Inzy
Billy
Our Kylie

Retired:
Freaky
Choco

Unavailable
Madman (interstate)

UPDATE ON GILLY
Gilly has spent the last few days in hospital and is therefore excused for non-attendance at encampment.
He has a bad reaction to some antibiotics and claims that he can "put certain things through" the eye of a needle from 40 paces.
Hang in there Gilly and get well for next Tuesday night.

Encampment 2008 sets new records

We're working on the report right now......

Revenge of the Nerds

The odd finally got even.

Poindexter will be filing a match report complete with complex and dull calculations describing the match in full very soon.

Fathers defeat the 'Loose screws' in record 249 run win

251 to 2!

Match report to follow.

Outstanding victory captured on video

The WICC Wiccly
11 June 2008

Gristle
So many reasons to talk about this man…

1. But in a word he is summed up…..stumpings.
Gilly watch your back- you are an undisputed indispensable fully fledged founding fathers stalwart, however, with gristle performing like that, we no longer need you. Sayonara Gilly.
2. Gristle – you are like our Sudanese Foster child. Every week each and every Father puts in his monies to pay for our Foster child. Gristle, we really want you to grow up strong and healthy, and have access to clean drinking water, so we will continue to put in for you, but next week cough up ($80)
3. Part of the bounty mutiny (along with Gladdy) in not following Captains orders re who’s turn it was to bowl. Fully deserved the captains car park dressing down. Don’t you understand, we do NOT want Gladdy bowling the last over, we learnt that lesson in last season’s semi final.
4. Got a second (non) captains dressing down when he was found out by the car park fashion police – thanks for that observation Gladdy. Obviously was well under dressed for the Canberra climes – it was like he was standing there in a bikini. However this indiscretion was understandable considering his HOT performance behind the stumps (listening Gilly??)

Snork
A gritty knock with the bat – so unassuming is this lad. Did anyone realize he got 24?? No, I don’t think so. Probably because this man just goes about his business, like a shy little wall flower.
PS: Thanks for winning the vote for sitter of the match. I love you, not only cos you have that special ability to make even me look good in the field.
PPS: check out the special video snapshot of Snorks Snork. A pearla.
PPPS: Was hit for two consecutive 7’s. I’m afraid this has to be referred to the match review panel for possible fines.

Billy
Well Gilly, just when you started to think there was a Father ready to assume your mantle, there is not one, but two fathers lining up for best Gilly impersonator.
Pity no catches went Billy’s way, cos he was resplendent with those sticky figures (read as, he is now nursing bruised toes after bowling numerous deliveries onto them – with one particularly notable quadruple bouncer that did not make it to half court, the batter advanced down past half court to tee off on the teasing delivery, Nads and Madman trembling on the back net, only for the delivery to break viciously to the off side ( on the 4th bounce (in case you forgot), caught the outside edge, bounced into the net, bobbled deliciously to Hugoss, who confidently put his name forward for sitter of the match – only for that title to be snatched from his firm grasp by the Snork).

Hugoss
See above re sitter runner up.
And see above re stumpings. Gristles performance would not have been possible if astute captain Nads had not thrown the ball to Hugoss for the opening over. With the shiny red cherry acting more like an indoor cricket yellow banana, Hugoss at full pace was able to draw that lazy, fat arsed tosser forward down the pitch, and with late away swing beat the outside edge not once, not twice but three times for THREE stumpings in one over. Heroic stuff Hugoss (and Gristle) (listening Gilly??? Or have you yet smashed your fist through this screen in disgust???)

Gladdy
Despite being a significant part of the capn’s dressing down, the highlight of the match was also compliments of this Glad Man.
Over #4, the opening pair is just settling in to a rythym, and Nads showing devilishly astute captaincy (in case you missed that point earlier) - and wanting to get Gladdy’s over out of the way early so he is no chance of bowling the final over (no offence Gladdy) - throws the ball to the GLAD MAN. Facing is the tall left handed opening bat tosser from Kerwin’s Mob, otherwise known as Norro’s best mate. Third last ball of the over, Gladdy digs one in short, tosser gets nailed under the armpit, and hobbles like a hurt little Guantanamo Bay detainee in leg irons down to the non strikers end. Last ball of the over. Tosser, having been softened up, is again facing. Gladdy whips the rm over, like a tracer bullet it hones in at ful length, the tossers eyes light up, he swings, is deceived by the GLAD MANS GUILE, and is clean bowled.
That my friends, was a beautiful moment.

MadMan
This man strikes the ball like no other – except for perhaps Harmie, and Cheezy, and…..ah f**k it, bad analogy, but f**k ya’s he can hit it. For proof just click here to watch Itchy’s video of him – Itchy’s commentary sums it up poetically.

Harmie
Deft slaps back to the keeper (you with us Gilly??) for numerous run outs. Bowling is literally stratospheric – at least it would be if there was no top net. Stay tuned for his next leg break bouncer – it’s not far away.
This man was able to excite the Snork in the car park (well who can’t) by tales of surfboard riding.
Which reminds me, Gristle was also able to incite car park guttural feelings in the Snork by questioning his Julio ness. Fair cop Gristle – cos the man (boy) is a poof.

Itchy
Didn’t he perform beautifully last night? As 9th man perhaps he has finally found his place in the team. He was astounding with his camera work, insightful comments (thanks for pointing out I was game in sending Snork and Gristle in together – Itch, mate, when 2 players have an issue, they need to get back on that horse and sort it out – notice how they never once ran down the same side of the pitch. Me thinks Gristle has spent the last 12 months of his 18 month hiatus over in Snorks back yard doing training drill tandem sprints with Snork. If they can master separation in Snorks back yard then surely the expansive Wicc grounds can accommodate them.

Nads
Astute captaincy. And all round top bloke.
Luv ya’s all.

For those of you wondering we did actually win the match (by about 100 runs), can't find any mention of that in the report Nads. other than that it's a great match report. Itchy.

FF Cricket Selectors get out the knives - WHOLESALE CHANGES!!

Editor: below at long last is Gilly's long anticipated match report! (posted Friday 13 June).

Father’s go down in lacklustre display

I’ve been trying to forget!! I’ve tried my best to avoid committing this farce to writing. BUT, of course the OVERACHIEVING Nads has shamed me. He has already penned NEXT WEEK’S match report [well it would have been next week if ….. well, you get the picture!!!].

Now next week’s report has brought the whole nightmare of this week’s match back into focus. Damn you Nads! Damn you Nads!!!!!!!!!! Could the two matches be more sharply contrasted??? (Could the same accusation be levelled at the two match reports)??? [Ball-tearer report by the way Nads]

This week’s report should say:

“The Fathers turned up at 18:00 to play against a pack of no-names of dubious quality. Well six of us did. Hugo and Gristle missed the toss. FINE! FINE! [Gristle, if only you knew how close (I’d call it a fly’s patooter) you were to missing your comeback game. Norris, claiming points in the Michael Stinziani quiet achiever award by turning up as a spectator, FINE CREDIT!, was fired up and ready to take your place!!]

What happened next was JUST SH1T!!!! We played like GRANDfathers, not Fathers, in losing 149-126.

I almost choked on my own words to the opposition at the end of the game as I apologised for not even making the game interesting. I hate losing!!!

That’s all the performance deserved.


END OF REPORT”

…………….. But then I thought about it a bit more (oh the HORROR, the HORROR!). Some things do deserve mention.

There wasn’t a happy face was to be seen among the nine (yep, Norris was still hangin’ ‘round) as we undertook the match post mortem. Even the beers didn’t help. How was it possible to take three skins AND STILL LOSE COMFORTABLY?

Oh that’s right, Billy (4) and Itchy (8) batting third struggled to put 12 runs on the board chasing the opposition pair’s 60. Poor Billy struggled to get bat on ball, while Itchy was swinging like a dunny door in a force 10 gale

But they had plenty of help. We only managed to take 12 wickets for the entire game. (Hugo 3 for 1, Gristle 2 for 7 clearly the best). Dishonourable mentions to Itchy (none for 36) and Gilly (1 for 38).

Did I mention that we were SH1T???

A few (rare) highlights:

Gristle, (welcome back), marked his long awaited return with a very poised top score (27) with the bat. Cheezey, ably assisted him to amass 53 for the final wicket. For the mathematically challenged, Cheezey scored 26. [Don’t get excited though, the game was well gone by that stage. They batted without pressure. Am I sounding bitter and twisted - Gilly].

I predict Gristle to have a stormer next week.

Cheezey also set the tone for the night dropping 2 catches in the first over and cemented his hatrick of “sitters of the week”. FINE! FINE! FINE!

Snork (17) and Gladdy (9) in the first batting pair. Christ!!! “I’m not batting with you again”. “No, I’m not batting with you again”. When are you two going to get divorced. You sounded like an old married couple. [Is there something that we should know??]

Gladdy – repeat after me – “Side nets. Side nets. I must not try to hit 7s.”

For those that way inclined, the rest of the stats were:

2nd batting pair Gilly (15) Hugo (17).

Bowling:

Cheezey 2 for 14
Snork 2 for 11
Gladdy 1 for 18
Billy 1 for 24

Oh, did I mention that we were SH1T???


………… AND THE SELECTOR’S AXE FELL (was Choco pleased??)


After last nights DEBACLE the selectors have been justifiably brutal.

Rd 4 - NEXT WEEK 7:20pm

1. Nads - CAPTAIN
2. Gristle
3. Gladdy
4. Kermie
5. Harmie
6. Choco
7. Madman - beer boy
8. Billy

With only two matches to go to Encampment the entire list will get a crack.

Let me know as soon as possible if you can't play next week because Hugo, Cheezy, Gilly and The Snorkmeister are all match fit, on fire and raring to go.

Then get ready for an HISTORIC EVENING the following week.

Rd 5 - 17 June Pre-Encampment match - 7:20pm
Norris - Beer Boy 1
Nads
Kermie
Gilly - Beer Boy 2
Snorkey
Hugo
Cheezy
Harmie

Followed by.....

PRE-ENCAMPMENT BLOCKBUSTER!!!
17 June - 8:40pm
All Founding Fathers Affair - Julios take on Nerds for Encampment Bragging Rights.

Julios: (Tie Dyed)
Snorkey - Captain
Norris
Kermie
Hugoss
Itchy
Harmie
Billy the Kid
KEVIN!

Nerds: (Baggy Black)
Nads - Captain
Gilly
Cheezy
Gristle
Choco
Madman
Our Kylie
Gladdy

Stats Man: Inzy

Match Rules:
Loss of Wicket - FINE!
Dropped Catch - FINE!
Missed Stumping - FINE!
Wide or No ball - FINE!
Sitter of the match (each team) FINE!
Partnership Loses the Skin - FINE!
Losing Team - FINE!
Plus/Minus in the negatives - FINE!
Captain's Dressing Down (each team) - FINE!