FFCC Team Manager named for semi-final

KEVIN! has been named the TEAM MANAGER of a blazingly in form FFCC squad for the 9:30pm SEMI FINAL.

This EXCITING new appointment by the FFCC Board has some media types asking questions about leadership and future direction but there is a resounding majority that view this is as exactly the brand of FFCC INNOVATION that has blasted The Fathers into Semi Finals contention in three out of four seasons since they burst onto the scene. There is no doubt that recent Carpark Dressing Downs delivered by Big Kev! have provided just the spark the team needed after a minor case of the doldrums atrributed to a seemingly endless 28 week season at the WICC.

KEVIN! has applauded The FFCC Board for making tough decisions at a crucial juncture in the season. "Boy I am excited to be named manager - although I have no idea what that makes me responsible for." KEVIN declared "unnatural love" to all FFCC supporters and gave Dressing Down tips to young aspiring Captains as he signed autographs outside Maccas.

Clearly The Board needed to act and with this announcement trading was suspended at TABACT for the second time in 24 hours after the heavyweight player contract management team of key strokemaker Itchy suddenly announced shoulder surgery would prevent the superstar from taking any part in the Semis. Further to this shock development Gladdy announced by text message from a resort on the south coast: "Just making it official that I am unavailable for next weeks semi-final. But will look forward to the following weeks Grand Final.

The Founding Fathers finish the season comfortably second on the "Open D" ladder at the WICC despite suffering a player list plagued by injury, disease, hangover and overseas travel. In this season alone the Fathers racked up numerous international visits to spread the indoor vibe to countries including Brazil, Spain, Argentina, Morrocco, Thailand, Hawaii, The Gold Coast and Congo. And through these efforts the player list has grown to include a possible "Founding Fathers A" team to be registered at the WICC next season.

This development has made Semi Finals selection tough and the FFCC Selection Panel was locked in the Irish Club all day pouring over Stats, Demerits, FINES, Sitters and Dressing Downs to determine the most worthy and respected Semi Final 8. After several pints the entire Brazilian Soccer Cheerleader Squad was named to play but then sanity prevailed and the Panel resisted calling upon the younger, more talented and skillful part time ringers and fell back on tradition, service to the game, encampment attendances, seniority (grey hair) and several important KEY TRAITS critical to the modern indoor version of the game:

EXCITED TEAM MANAGER (Number 9) - KEVIN!
1. courage in battle (Choco);
2. anger sledge potential (Gilly);
3. big balls (Nads) (BEER BOY);
4. venom in attack (Hugo);
5. unearthly beauty (Our Kylie);
6. well restedness (Kermie) (CAPTAIN - manifesto - need I say more?);
7. try hard (Norris) (SEMI FINAL VICTORY RESERVE BEER BOY); and
8. international man of mystery (The Snorkmeister)

Expected to turn up and barrack are several stalwarts and newcomers alike:
Itchy
Inzy
Gristle
Mickey
Rosco
Madman
Harmie
Billy the Kid
Freaky
Conga
The Old Crow

Carpark festivities are likely to run late into the night so it may be a good idea to bring a toothbrush, swag and a fresh pair of socks and undies.

GO THE FATHERS!!!!

NEWFLASH - Itchy ruled out with injury

The 'Founding Fathers' will be without Itchy for the semi-final next week after he picked up a shoulder injury in last nights loss to 'Kerwin's Mob' aka the wankers.

Itchy's withdrawal has paved the way for one reserve to become the first of the FFCC's new breed of superstars.

Itchy, international indoor crickets record points scorer, was last night ruled out of the upcoming semi-finals by the pressing need for shoulder surgery.

"Of course we would have liked to have him available and we intend to field our strongest possible squad," said Big Kev, who will be the FFCC team manager for the finals series. "But player welfare is important and in this case it's the right call for Itchy not to play."

The decision to ground Itchy comes three days after Norris marked his appointment as FFCC supremo (after a tense boardroom struggle last Saturday night at the Irish club) by revealing his desire to create a team of "superstars that everyone can look up to in this country".

Fathers almost rue lost chances

It was close - 161 - 159.

We started off the night brilliant (partnerships - 61, 45, 35, 20) and got worse and worse and worse. We were horrible in the field.
If it weren't for Gladdy and Harmie and Hugo we would have lost. Harmie got 49 not out with the bat and Cheezy was best bowler with about 3 for 9
Anyway it was a much needed one skin win.
We are going to need to lift for the Semis.
Carpark was good. Hoons and drunken kids fart arsing around. Norris was beer boy for Snork who dropped out the night before (DOUBLE FINE!)

Sitter of the Match - Hugo (FINE!)
Sitter of the Match Runner up - Hugo
Sitter of the Match Second Runner up - Hugo
Sitter of the Match Third Runner up - Gladdy
Harmie could have gone on all night.

Man of the Match: HARMIE (FINE CREDIT!) (non redeemable)

The Semis
Semi Final Team is the Encampment Crew plus Harmie or Madman - have played most games this season out of everyone else.
Gladdy may be in doubt for the Semis. We need as many to turn out as possible and we'll have a couple of slabs in the car park and a victory beer at the Irish Club.

Next Encampment
Nads and Snork are the official organising committee.
Announcement on Venue and dates any day now.


Next tuesday - 9:30pm - last match of the regular season

1. Harmy - Captain
2. Nads
3. Gilly
4. Norris
5. Gladdy
6. Itchy
7. Kermie
8. Our Kylie

Who's turn to be beer boy - Gladdy???????(serves you right for converting a sitter into a 7 - oh ya it was off the top net - whippy-doo)

Getting hard to pick the side - too many players - always happens at Finals after a long drought that lasts the entire season.
If anyone in the 8 can't play there are plenty of reserves:
KEVIN!
Choco
Cheezy
Snorkey
Madman
Billy
Gristle
Mickey
Hugo

Hugo's Brazillian adventures

Part one of Hugo's Brazil report has just arrived.

Fathers defeated by 2 runs in cliffhanger - 142 to 140

Coming into the game with a reserve and returned expat for moral support, as well as a game in hand on the opposition, the Fathers were expected to account for the Pie Chuckers in some style.

A crack team sauntered onto the ‘G with a Buddyesque level of confidence having rolled the Chuckers previously. With Nads calling the shots this surely would be a practice session for the finals!

Bowling and fielding was…er, flat. Which resulted in the first pair easing it out to a respectable total of 41, despite the best efforts of some tight bowling from the Royale, as well as Captain Nads. Maybe this was to be just another average start from the Fathers, to be followed by an angry onslaught which would leave the Chuckers feeling somewhat impotent after 32 overs played in anger?

Maybe not. Read: 63 from the second pair with Kermie being called upon twice and shown the door twice, banished to cover where there were diligent attempts to dive over and around the ball, only to be saved by some spectacular fielding from Gladdy and Madman down back.

It was then that the contest began. The Fathers realized the seriousness of the situation and the importance of momentum when Captain Nads not too subtly gave each minion the mad stare of the half back flanker and cooly insinuated that it was “Game ON!”

Some impressive bowling from Itchy, enthusiastic efforts from Billy the Kid and a general lift in intensity saw the Chuckers submit to finish with 142. Respectable but gettable.

Captain Nads chose to open with the GREY partnership, who having played a colourful innings, ended up producing something rather GREY. Room for improvement and a return to natural games are in order.

Then it was time for the colossus to return. Madman, backing up from some stellar work last week, in combo with able and revered sidekick, Gladdy. And what a treat it was to watch one of the all time greatest partnerships being compiled. Gentle nudges were followed by 7 “shit was that Gladdy”, 7 “settle down Gladdy”, out! But with Madman opening the shoulders with inside out cover drives and Gladdy turning them off the pads with a Mark Waugh level of nonchalance, there was hope for the Fathers and everybody, including Chocco, was pleased.

Then it was the turn of two truly reliable players to take to the field against a stacked bowling line up in the third partnership. Gladdy and Andy toiling hard but pushing on and recording 26 runs for the Fathers under trying circumstances.

And so it came to the Captain and Itch to bring it home. Snork and Nads returned from their pre-finals training session to watch them unload. And unload they did…to create an ungodly mess which we hope organizers have cleaned up by the time we return tonight!
Sixteen left the Fathers agonizingly short by two runs and even with three other teams heading into the next round.

Something needs to happen. Changes need to be made. Inspiration rather than capitulation needs to be the buzz word. Troops need to be rallied. It’s time to re-dress the balance and the indoor cricket world order. Who do we turn to? Enter Snork. Welcome back and please…..do something!!!

Here is the 8 for the 6:50pm match next week - after two straight losses we need a win.

1. Snork - beer boy (welcome back)
2. Choco
3. Norris
4. Gilly
5. Gladdy
6. Kermie
7. Harmie - Captain
8. Cheezy

Riding the Pines
KEVIN!
Madman
Billy

Not available:
Hugo - toe better yet? How is the Samba pole dancing coming along?
Our Kylie

Dropped: (for their 14 run partnership chasing 17 for victory! - they needed 9 runs off 24 deliveries!)
Nads
Itchy

'Happy Salmons' release new single

This little ditty should carry them all the way to the finals.

Special message for next Tuesday's opposition

No-one is bigger than the game

April 2, 2007

Ray Martin speaks to the FFCC Chairman Norris 'Norro' Norrisman about the enigmatic all-rounder Kermie in part one of this exclusive interview.

RAY:
Norro, can I call you Norro?

NORRO:
Sure Ray, can I call you helmet hair?

RAY:
I guess so, um anyway..... there has been a bit of furore, if you like, from the FFCC and fellow cricketers about the latest Kermie saga. The Australian Sports Commission, do they have the power to actually stop him from training with the FFCC, and for that matter stopping his McDonald's drive-thru rights?

NORRO:
Well the Sports Commission obviously is responsible for the overall conduct of sport in Australia, it has quite a substantial budget and it has to use that budget to ensure that the aims are upheld. One of the aims is, of course, to ensure contracted players fulfill their obligations by turning up to play with their team when required, and that is why they are taking such a strong stand in relation to this and they have the full backing of the FFCC to do that. The mere suggestion of a McDonalds ban will certainly make Kermie sit up and take notice I can tell you.

RAY:
So they do have your backing?

NORRO:
They do have the backing of the FFCC. The Australian Sports Commission administers money on behalf of the public, taxpayers' money, and they have the obligation to ensure that that money is spent on players who front up occasionally. I mean for all they know he could be spending his entire indoor cricket scholarship money on quarter pounders rather than the prescribed diuretics and human growth hormones.

RAY:
A couple of commentators in the morning papers are saying that you should keep out of it and leave sports administration to the sports administrators.

NORRO:
Who do you think bloody runs this club Ray? I am the bloody administrator, coach, treasurer and sports psychologist. Maybe if we got our hands on some of the cash the Australian Sports Commission funnels down the throats of stars like Kermie I'd be able to afford to concentrate on my own game a bit more. Jesus Ray, have you ever played the game?

RAY:
A bit at school....

NORRO:
Wanker.

RAY:
umm, thanks Norro, we'll leave it there.

NORRO:
Whatever.

'Thrill Killer's' prove that eight is usually better than seven

The regular season might be drawing to a close but the 'Thrill Killers' last night lived up to their 'next big thing' tag in the WICC World Championships, finishing with a 12 run win over their more fancied rivals the Founding Fathers (141 to 129). The Founding Fathers have bossed around all comers for most of the last month but last night the 'TK's' proved too good in a tight tussle.

The Father's bowlers had a tough time last night - the 24 extras indicated as much - and all conceded seven or more runs an over.

Overthrows, one less player and a wicket off a no-ball typified their night and there was really nothing that went their way in front of a raucous crowd.

The flashing blades of the 'TK's' punished much of the Fathers attack and after 16 overs their total stood at a respectable 141.

Sent in to bat by Captain Norro the opening pair of Gladdy and Madman were keen to get the team off to a good start. Controlled aggression and masterful stroke play were the order of the day and despite their best efforts the 'TK's were unable to force any wickets from this pairing. By the end of the fourth over the pair had put on 57 runs for no loss and the Fathers were off to a flyer.

Andy and Cheesy were next in and promised so much. Unfortunately their promises were a little hollow and a combination of devastating bowling and cavalier batting combined to see the boys trooping off with only 7 runs to their names.

Into the breech stepped Itchy and Kev. Kev was a little less excited than usual (perhaps at the sight of his batting partner?) but an uncharacteristic show of common sense batting from Itchy (second week in a row of no outs) and dependable batting from Kev saw a respectable total of 47 achieved after the 12 over was completed.

With one player short the 'TK's' had to pick another Father to bat again with Captain Norro. They chose Kev and he and Norro set about working hard toward the 31 required runs for victory. Bad luck hampered their innings and with two balls to go they needed 8 runs. Kev opened up the shoulders, wound up to hit the back fence and was comprehensively bowled. With that the match was effectively over.

The boys trooped off and adjourned to the carpark for the traditional post mortem. Madman played host and the players present decided to blame the loss on the fact that for the umpteenth time this season that Fathers had fielded an under-strength team. In practice this means that, as the last player to pull out this week, Kermie was to blame for the loss. Strangely, this made everyone feel much better. The disciplinary committee meets Friday to discuss what action, if any, will be taken against the Kerminator.

Last night's loss doesn't change the table and with one match left to play in the regular season it looks like the Father's position at number two on the ladder is safe. It also appears that the Father's will again face the third placed 'Thrill Killer's' in a semi final in a fortnights time.

This weeks 'Coolie weirdness':
Man pushing a shopping trolley full of meat off cuts back home while walking his rottweiler.

Batting:
Madman - 40 (not out)
KEVIN! - 24 (not out)
Itchy - 23 (not out)
Gladdy - 17 (not out)
Norris - 14
Andy - 8
Kermie - 4 (out bowled off the penultimate delivery to lose the match)
Cheezy - pretty good - better than Kermie.

Bowling:
Cheezy - 3 for 6
Itchy - 1 for 16
Norris - 3 for 20
Andy - 2 for 29
Gladdy - 3 for 11
Madman - 0 for 22
KEVIN! - 3 for 8
Kermie - 1 for 29

Partnerships:
Gladdy and Madman - 57 chasing 34 for the skin
Andy and Cheezy - 7 chasing 38 for the skin
Itchy and KEVIN! - 47 chasing 30 for the skin
Norris and Kermie - 18 chasing 39 for the skin and 31 for victory

Sitter of the Match:
Kermie

Man of the Match:
Madman - can't argue with 40 not out and a match high contribution of +18

FINES!
Kermie - Withdrew on Match Day with no legitimate excuse - DOUBLE FINE!
Gladdy - Failed to take the hat trick - FINE

Quotable Quotes:
Norris on fielding: "The gap in the field cost us 30 or 40 runs - We were lucky that Cheezy was able to sub in for Choco and KEVIN! able to sub in for Gilly. I think Kermie was at a swimsuit photo shoot for the cover of Cricketers Illustrated."
Norris on batting "We soared like eagles but we just couldn't get off the ground."
Norris on Finals Season: "Sometimes you have to take one step forward in order to take two steps back."
Norris on the Thrill Killers 12 run victory: "They are a bunch of poofs - we'll smash 'em in the semis."
Gilly on Wicketkeeping: "You miss one lousy match in 2 years you lose your spot in the side."
Itchy on back to back Not Out performances: "It's my life and it's now or never and I ain't gonna live forever."
Gladdy and KEVIN! on AFL Football: "The Cats are a pack of chokers."

Fundraising
New policy:
1. Every player needs to pay $15 every match. (You can pay in advance if you wish - FFCC Accounting Standards rival those of Enron Financial Officers.)
2. 8 x $15 = $120. (Match fee is $96. Excess funds contribute to WICC membership fee, bye nights, Official FFCC Functions, beer in the carpark and new promotional FFCC tye died froot loops.)
3. At the start of the new season - your first match will cost $30 ($15 match fee and $15 deposit). (Your $15 deposit wil be held by the FFCC Treasurer and will be for every player - you may lose your match deposit if you withdraw from a match without providing adequate notice.)

Next Match - 6.50pm Tuesday

In the 8:
1. Norris - Captain
2. Madman
3. Cheesy
4. Gilly
5. Gladdy
6. Itchy
7. Kermie - beer & fries boy
8. Billy the kid (aka: Andy)

Resting but on call:
Harmie

Semi Finals Contention:
If you attended Encampment you are IN.
If you are up to date on your match fees you are IN.
If you are better than Norris you are IN.