No-one is bigger than the game

April 2, 2007

Ray Martin speaks to the FFCC Chairman Norris 'Norro' Norrisman about the enigmatic all-rounder Kermie in part one of this exclusive interview.

RAY:
Norro, can I call you Norro?

NORRO:
Sure Ray, can I call you helmet hair?

RAY:
I guess so, um anyway..... there has been a bit of furore, if you like, from the FFCC and fellow cricketers about the latest Kermie saga. The Australian Sports Commission, do they have the power to actually stop him from training with the FFCC, and for that matter stopping his McDonald's drive-thru rights?

NORRO:
Well the Sports Commission obviously is responsible for the overall conduct of sport in Australia, it has quite a substantial budget and it has to use that budget to ensure that the aims are upheld. One of the aims is, of course, to ensure contracted players fulfill their obligations by turning up to play with their team when required, and that is why they are taking such a strong stand in relation to this and they have the full backing of the FFCC to do that. The mere suggestion of a McDonalds ban will certainly make Kermie sit up and take notice I can tell you.

RAY:
So they do have your backing?

NORRO:
They do have the backing of the FFCC. The Australian Sports Commission administers money on behalf of the public, taxpayers' money, and they have the obligation to ensure that that money is spent on players who front up occasionally. I mean for all they know he could be spending his entire indoor cricket scholarship money on quarter pounders rather than the prescribed diuretics and human growth hormones.

RAY:
A couple of commentators in the morning papers are saying that you should keep out of it and leave sports administration to the sports administrators.

NORRO:
Who do you think bloody runs this club Ray? I am the bloody administrator, coach, treasurer and sports psychologist. Maybe if we got our hands on some of the cash the Australian Sports Commission funnels down the throats of stars like Kermie I'd be able to afford to concentrate on my own game a bit more. Jesus Ray, have you ever played the game?

RAY:
A bit at school....

NORRO:
Wanker.

RAY:
umm, thanks Norro, we'll leave it there.

NORRO:
Whatever.