HARMIE LIFTS INTENSITY WITH WHITELINE FEVER - SPARKS FATHERS UPSET VICTORY

Key FFCC all rounders Harmie and Norris singlehandedly blasted the Founding Fathers back into B-Grade with an unprecedented display of intensity, guile and skill in a seesawing Tuesday Night clash of the WICC titans.

Even before the match started, comeback kid Norris sensed something special already in train, with whispers of encampment and hushed rumours of early entrants to the annual Nuggan baking contest. Arriving after the coin toss, Norris (FINE!) received the Death Stare from Captain Itchy normally reserved for his unwitting batsmen counterparts. Itchy was in transmit mode: "If you want to be a part of this team then you need to LIFT SOLDIER!" When late sub Harmie (FINE!) (for Nads (FINE!)) asked if it was true that he missed the toss Itchy didn't miss a beat "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
Billy the Kid was in full on yoga mode, Choco was running internal diagnostics on hammys, calves, back, neck, elbow - check. Gilly was handing out early chrissy pressies, Madman was warming up with three bats and Cheezy was relaxed with a heart rate of minus 24 beats per minute. The scene was set.

Itchy had lost the toss and the modern gurus looked to take advantage of a sticky wicket sending the Fathers in to bat. Cheezy (18) and Choco (21 not out) quietly set about their business in almost surreal conditions turning over the strike with masterful skill. The WICC went quiet and the gurus looked puzzled and miffed. The battle of the body language had begun. The Fathers were on top.

Itchy recalculated and needed no manifesto. With his undeniable ability to size up a situation and unrivalled indoor cricketing brain, Itchy sensed it was time to put the foot down, nail the lid shut and go for the kill. Gilly (25) and Norris (24 not out) had answers to all of the gurus questions. Itchy and Gladdy cajoled and ranted at the back of the net. The gurus shoulders drooped. Norris and Gilly played their shots: immaculate cover drives and cuts, flat batted slogs down the ground, masterful square drives, and regulation snicks into the back net. The gurus were wicketless until the penultimate ball when a minor brain seizure caused Gilly to misinterpret a shout of NO!!!! to RUN LIKE HELL GILLY!!! It didn't matter. It could happen to anyone. 49 was on the board and the minstrels rejoiced. The Encampment schedule of major events was pencilled in.

Itchy (21) and Billy the Kid (13) carried on the theme with the bat not surrendering a wicket until the 29th ball of the partnership. And again on the 30th ball. And again on the 31st ball. THAT'S A FINE!
But the steady 34 run premiership partnership lifted the Fathers tally to 120 set the platform for the open the shoulders partnership. There were FFCC high fives, pats on the back, and the odd gentle stroke of encouragement on the unsuspecting bottom. (Snorkey was pleased!)

Itchy had saved his impact players for last. Little did he know what an impact they would have. With the delivery of the first ball of the 14th over, the destiny of the Founding Fathers changed irreversibly when Harmie (26) was given out by Cro-Magnon Man Umpire caught behind off his arse. Harmie went through all the emotions. First disbelief, then shock, then disconsolate sorrow, then ROAD RAGE!! There was pacing, finger pointing, hand waving, shoulder shrugging and bottom patting. Harmie was spewing. He gave it to the umpire, he gave it to the wicket keeper and when silly mid off piped in Harmie threatened to take his head of with the next short, widish delivery. Madman (21) remained focussed and urged his partner to stick to the task at hand. Itchy hollered "Settle down Harmie!" Norris bellowed "GET ANGRY HARMIE!" And the next delivery was despatched for 7. But the controversy didn't end there with Harmie back chatting the ump and anyone in his path while stroking another lovely 7 and a bitchin' 5 through the off side.

When the smoke cleared, the scoreboard flashed 169. The gurus looked up in disbelief and trudged off the ground, knuckles dragging. The fit and formidable Founding Fathers took to the field with aplomb quickly going through their routine of organised wind sprints, catch and throw drills, and a mid pitch visualisation yoga session.

The Founding Fathers juggernaut rolled onwards from the first delivery of the gurus innings. Cheezy opened taking 2 for 1. The pressure mounted on the batsmen. Madman followed up with a mixture of short and full length deliveries taking 1 for 4. The gurus were in trouble. Norris was on queue with 2 for -3. The gurus were searching within. Choco taunted and deceived taking 2 for 0. The Fathers turned their minds to the car park. The gurus bickered and squabbled amongst themselves.

Itchy took the ball in hand. 0 for 16. Harmie tossed it up. 0 for 29. Madman pitched it in short leaving the batsmen no width. 0 for 11. Gilly bowled his dibbly dobblers. 0 for 26. The 81 run partnership had turned the match. Those Fathers out in the car park putting the final details into the encampment strategy quickly finished their beers and raced back to the ground.

Billy the Kid settled the nerves. 1 for 10. Norris bowled with wide cunning and guile. 1 for 5. Gilly bowled more of his dibbly dobblers. 0 for 21. Choco was pleased. 1 for 13. A 48 run partnership - the Gurus needed only 41 runs for victory in the final partnership. The Gurus had their tails in the air. The Fathers were dismissive. Paddy O'Gladdy ranted on the sidelines.

Many Captains of the modern game have crumbled under the weight of pressure that a run chase can create. Careers have been destroyed. Indeed lives have been lost. At the moment the final guru partnership entered the ground, souls were being searched. How could this be? How could the unlosable match be slipping away? The Founding Fathers looked to their Captain for insight, strength and belief. What they saw was a giant of a man, a tower of strength, 100% pure valour. Itchy: "Give the ball to Harmie." Norris: "Ummm, Itchy... excuse me sir... did you know that 7 plus 7 equals 14?" Itchy: "Did you say something to me punk? Did you punk? YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH IN THE CARPARK!"

The Captain was vindicated. Harmie's first ball deceived the batsman so badly that he managed to run out his partner. And then he ran him out again next ball. Then a dot ball (FINE!). Then a catch and a run out off the last two balls of the over (FINE!) (Note: Harmie remains eligible for a FINE CREDIT if he takes a wicket off his first ball in his next match) (Note Note: FINE CREDITS are not redeemable under any circumstances). 4 for -18. Harmie had turned the match. The Fathers body language rallied. Norris was uncertain of his future. From there it was Billy: 0 for 11, Itchy: 2 for 12 and Cheezy: 1 for 18.

The Fathers revelled in back to back victories under Captain Itchy. The car park beers and chips and nuts suffered annihilation. The body language was supreme. Encampment seemed only days away.