Founding fathers drain esky after ushering in new era

WESTON WESTIE, MAY 2008

Every so often indoor cricket throws up a match of the barnstorming variety that touches the hearts and minds of those courageous enough to risk life and limb on the quadrangle battlefield.
Tonight the Founding Fathers put paid to doubters and naysayers with an air of confident determination adding just a hint of flamboyance and ill disciplined recklessness. The pundits at the WICC got more than they bargained for when the impulsive and formidable Founding Fathers took to the field.

The Fly Blown Maggots were in a quandary from the start when only three Fathers fronted for the coin toss. "Were the f#rk is Captain Itchy" was all seasoned veteran Gilly could muster when the dim-witted, dork-headed umpire tossed the coin into the air. Even before FFCC Season 5 was underway, the first FINE (Itchy) had been issued. In a break from tradition Itchy delivered the Captain's Dressing Down on the way to the match to seemingly dopey driver Nads (FINE) who, knowing ENCAMPMENT may be only weeks away, had cunningly suckered Itchy into an early FINE!

"We'll bowl mate" said Captain Maggot "seeing as youse guys are only three, hay?" And from there the maggots never had a hope in hell.

Billy the Kid (late call up (FINE CREDIT - non-redeemable at official Founding Fathers Functions) for Madman who was a late withdrawal (FINE)) faced the first ball of the season with Cheezey at the non strikers end and smashed a conservative 1 to get proceedings underway. Cheezey responded in kind and the lads suddenly had their eyes in and blazed away sharing the runs in a partnership of 39 with Billy 1 for 19 and Cheezey 20 NOT OUT. Itchy quickly assumed the roll of Captain and began barking at all within earshot as he paced up and down the side of the nets cursing and bellowing like a bull in a china shop through to the very last delivery. "NADS and NORRIS ARE IN NEXT so get the f#rc ready you slack-arsed, piss weak, lame fools and you better bloody well OPEN UP THE SHOULDERS!" he cackled.

Norris (13) was bowled and run out in an otherwise chanceless partnership of 48. Nads top scored for the Fathers with 35 NOT OUT. Itchy backed himself to close out the innings sending in Gilly and Snorkey who continued the theme with 1 for 22 and 1 for 19 respectively adding another 41 runs to a daunting total of 128; Itchy and Hugo still to bat. Facing the pick of the bowlers Hugo worked hard to eke out 1 for 12. He did his best to control the strike and settle his captain who had decided to swipe every ball into the adjoining carpark. After two overs Itchy (4 for -14) strode down the pitch to meet Hugo (0 for 5). Thinking he was in for a few words of congratulations Hugo joined his Captain mid pitch "It's a bloody funny game lad, they're bowling right well to me and they're bowling crap to you. It's shifting all over the place," Itchy said. "I'll be all right, but you might struggle." Itchy finished 6 for -18 dropping the Fathers innings total to a seemingly gettable 122. Itchy strutted off the ground like a matriarch hyena having just rooted the king of the pride.

The Fly Blown Maggots had their tails in the air. Itchy was in a mood to spank.

From the start of the second innings, Captain Itchy led by example, gritting his teeth, crouching bareheaded at silly mid off, snapping at recalcitrant fieldsman and generally storming from over to over. Backing himself to take the new ball the Maggots failed to register a run and Itchy took three wickets knocking over the stumps twice. Itchy calculated his moves with the care of a Russian chess player and tossed the ball to Snork who continued his run of first ball wickets finishing with 2 for 5 from the over. Billy the Kid and Nads were victims of lazy fielding and the batsman were back on top and the Maggots had earned the first skin with a partnership of 45. They were well on their way to the required total but they hadn't counted on the power of an indisputably brilliant captaincy.

Itchy brought Cheezey into the attack to greet the second partnership. Cheezey was clinical taking 3 for -7 robbed of a fourth wicket only by the sieve leaking in the back corner. There were chances being missed by lacsidaisical fieldsman and Itchy, following his instincts, growled at the Gods and continued berating and delivering a chastising out of the old school. The Fathers lifted. The chess game continued.

of Swing, Norrises first delivery was bowled on middle stump and finished up wide of the flailing batsman at third slip. The Maggot batsmen looked at each other in disbelief. The FoundingItchy looked to brother Norris who, unbeknownst to himself and his peers, was about to embark on an indoor cricket bowling night of genius rarely experienced in the forgotten back blocks of The Creek. Having recently reinvented himself as the King Fathers lifted. Norris turned towards his mark and shook his head at a missed wicket opportunity. Norris readjusted his line in his next delivery and Gilly took an away swinger cleanly just wide of the off stump. The Snorkmeister became intimately involved polishing the ball after each delivery with the diligence of a fine timepiece craftsman. Norris was struck for 3, then delivered a wide and then went for 7. But Norris steadied the swing and took two consecutive wickets and earned himself a FINE for failing to take the hatrick when a four was struck (Norrises supporters undoubtedly considered this a missed run out chance) off his final delivery. Norris was 2 for 8. And counting.

Itchy looked to Gilly who eagerly ran back to his mark choosing to bowl over the wicket; Norris took up his regular position as part time wicket keeper. Gilly continued his form with the ball giving up 1, 2 and 7 thus drawing the batsmen into a false sense of security. The next delivery was a catch followed by a brilliantly short, teasing delivery drawing the batsman out of his ground and when Norris smashed over the stumps, Gilly was on a hat trick. The hat trick delivery was a floater giving the batsman far too much time to think about his shot. Gilly mesmerised. The batsman was caught off balance attempting an extravagant shot and was caught cleanly by safe Founding Fathers hands. The first Hat Trick of the season was effected and Gilly had earned himself a FINE CREDIT (non-redeemable at official Founding Fathers Functions). Billy the Kid tidied up the partnership with solid bowling taking 3 for -3 and sending off the second batting pair with a flashing -1 for their effort. The Fathers were in control.

Hugo went for 19 in the first over of the third partnership. The Founding Fathers went quiet. But for Captain Itchy, every over brought heroic deeds and horrible mistakes for which he did not consider himself accountable. He scowled and growled and threw the ball to Nads who surrendered another 10 runs for just the one wicket (according to Nads there were several dropped chances).

The third partnership was on 29; the Maggots needed 50 runs from 48 deliveries. Did Itchy panic? Certainly not. Run for cover? Nope. Hide himself in the front corner? Uh uh. He tossed the ball to the Seasoned Snorkmeister who began shifting fieldsman around like Warney bowling to Harbajan Singh on Day 5. In the confusion, the batsmen were called out by the numb-skulled umpire for technical reasons - AFTER TWO DOT BALLS, THE RUNNER AT THE NONSTRIKERS END MUST NOT TURN AROUND TO REGAIN HIS GROUND AFTER HAVING LEFT HIS CREASE. The Snorkmeister had, unwittingly, contrived another first ball wicket. And he finished 2 for -3 and the maggots needed 53 from 40 deliveries. Would the Fathers capitulate?

Enter Norris.

Run out, Catch, Catch, Catch, dot, 1, Run out. The match was over. Norris (The King of Swing) took 5 for -21 in the final over of the third partnership and the Founding Fathers turned their minds to the carpark Esky in Cheezey's boot.

Itchy (2 for 0), Gilly (1 for 7 - including a brilliant caught behind effected by Norro), Hugo (1 for 1) and Cheezey (1 for 8) mopped up the tail and the Fathers cantered home to a 55 run victory.

The Fathers are Top of the Table in S5. Itchy is LIFETIME CAPTAIN (until the Fathers lose a match or Itchy is otherwise dropped)

KEY STATS
Best fielder on ground - Hugo
Sitter of the Match - Cheezey
Sitter run out of the match - Gilly (off his own bowling though)
Sieve of the match - Snorkey
Top score with the bat - Nads - 35 NOT OUT
Best bowling - Norris 7 for -13
FINES - Norris (2) Nads, Itchy, Cheezey, Gilly, Snork, Madman

NEXT WEEK IS VERY SPECIAL!!!
We have two matches next week but Nads never told anybody what time - bloody dopey b*st*rd.
Anyways we need everyone to turn out - I'm pretty sure there is an 8:10 and a 9:30.
Named in the squad for the two matches:
1. Itchy (Captain of game 1 and possibly game 2 if we win game 1
2. Norris
3. Nads
4. Gladdy
5. Hugo
6. Snorkey
7. Cheezey
8. Billy the Kid
9. Kermie
10. Madman
11. Harmey - beer boy 1
12. Our Kylie
13. KEVIN! - beer boy 2

OUT - Gristle, Gilly, Choco and Inzy

ENCAMPMENT - Pencil in Weekend of Sat 22 June 2008. To be confirmed by forthcoming Encampment Forecast Report.