Billy the Kid - Notoriety, fact vs reputation

Wicket Investigator, July 2008

Henry McCarty (alias William H. Bonney) (better known as "Billy the Kid") (November 23, 1859 - July 8, 2008),
As with many of the old west dubbed batsmen, Billy the Kid's reputation exaggerated the actual stats of matches in which he was involved. Despite being credited with top scoring 21 times in his lifetime, he is believed to have top scored only twice. One of them occurred when his gang had already safely chased down the total and were cantering home to victory. The other occurred when Billy the Kid was on debut, in a shootout in County Lynham, where he slayed four bowlers and two batsmen and a legend was born. But on 8 July 2008 time ran out for this daring and resourceful young man, when confronted by Captain Pat "Cheezy" Garrett, after scorning his Captaincy and failing to front a pivotal shootout against the Sheriff's posse - The Thrill Killers - in Weston County.

Like many in his gang, Billy was hard headed and loved his women. He reportedly enjoyed a party but found time to run with a motley crew called The Founding Fathers Regulator Gang. He was quick with his bat and carried two loaded 8 shooters into every bar and saloon wicket throughout the mid-west. His bullets were unpredictable and legend has it, one night in the heat of battle, he actually shot himself in the toe.

He reportedly was cool under fiery pace, as were many of the Fathers, but his reputation lofted above what actually took place on the wickets in the bars and saloons he made famous. For instance, way back on 8 July 2008, when he and the other Fathers were involved in the legendary WICC uprising against the Sheriff's posse. The Kid has been alleged to have calmly strutted in and demolished the Thrill Killers with a single swipe of the bat. In fact, this never happened, as it is doubtful that he even attended the match. (DOUBLE FINE!)

According to the irrefutable stats record, the Fathers were in trouble from the start, with many on the sidelines from previous battle injuries like "Quick Draw Gristle" who had taken one in the knee the previous week, and "Cookie Kermie" who is confirmed to have been swooning around in his finest Hugh Hefner white robe with a glass of moonshine in his hand only minutes before the shootout. "Gunfire Gilly" was still able to shoot through the eye of a needle from 40 paces but had exhausted himself in the process. "Hugo the Horrible", still nursing a knock to the knee, was unavailable. Others gang members like "Nickel and Dime Nads", "Hannibal Harmie", "Chundering Choco", "Murderous Madman" and "Irritable Itchy" were behind bars having been charged with murder in the first degree of any number of local unsuspecting bowlers.

But, despite the conspicuous absence of Billy the Kid, the depleted Fathers Gang fought hard on that fateful evening of 8 July 2008. The Sheriff's posse started the shooting and Sniper Snork (19) and Gun-Toting Gladdy (13) put on a decent opening partnership. Captain Cheezy Garrett (7) and Killer Kylie (13) were distracted by the fact that The Kid had not yet turned up. Knock Kneed Norris (13) and Sizzling Simmo (21) set the bar with Simmo top scoring for the Fathers Gang on debut. Killer Kylie (12) was picked to bat the extra innings with debutant Terry the Tyrant and the Fathers had to defend 89.

Captain Pat Cheezy Garrett, lead the Fathers like a champion that evening and fought with shrewd courage, but without Billy the Kid on hand, he barely negotiated a jailbreak from the WICC for refreshments in nearby horse parking stables. The Sherriff's openers put on 42 in a 90 run chase. Gladdy (2 for 7), Simmo (1 for 8) and Cheezy (2 for 15) kept the Fathers in with a glimmer of hope but the gap left in the field by Billy the Kid was costly. Late that night, after several bootleg honey wheat beers from the southern hemisphere, Cheezy was rumoured to have sworn retribution for the late withdrawal of Billy the Kid. Folklore has it that Cheezy and his ragamuffin crew hunted down Billy that very night. Knock Kneed Norris settled into the stables with a few frosties after ridiculous dropped catches off his bowling by Klunker Kylie (sitter runner up) and Snorkey the Sieve (sitter of the match - FINE!) Legend has it that Cheezy found Billy the Kid later that evening, living it large at a nearby poker tournament. Despite several appeals for amnesty, Billy the Kid was heavily FINED and lived in fear of Encampment for many a year.

Sizzling Simmo took the honours of best on ground for top scoring with the bat, raising the bar in the field and bowling with accuracy, swing and pace that ain't been seen 'round these parts for many- a-moon. Simmo ultimately earned the Fathers a Skin with a brilliant runout off the last ball of the match - the Sherriff's posse needed 4 for the skin but only got 1! which was a victory in itself. Forget about Billy the Kid, a new Fathers legend has stamped his claim on immortality.
NEXT WEEK - 8:40pm (Captain to be named by Pat Cheezy Garrett)

1. Nickle and Dime Nads

2. Gun-toting Gladdy

3. Sniper Snork

4. Irritable Itchy

5. Murderous Madman

6. Billy the Kid

7. Gunfire Gilly

8. Hannibal Harmie (bootleg moonshine boy)

Planning Jailbreak: Hugo the Horrible, Pat Cheezy Garrett, Cookie Kermie, Sizzling Simmo, Terry the Tyrant

On the Range: Killer Kylie, Inzy the Invincible, KEVIN! the EXCITED, Chundering Choco, Freaky the Formidable, Quick-draw Gristle, Knock Kneed Norris