Founding Fathers bring global warming to the WICC

Another game, another win for the irrepressible Founding Fathers. Last week's victim – The Polar Bears. Put simply, The Fathers applied the heat and the Polar Bears melted.

Forced to bat first because only four Fathers turned up on time (FINES to Nads, Norris, Itchy and Glady), The Fathers’ opening pair (Kermie & Gristle) got off to a less-than-glorious start, thanks entirely to an inept display of “batting” from Gristle. Yep, my first six balls went something like this: dot, OUT, dot, dot, OUT, dot. What a Muppet! Fortunately, some lusty hitting from Kermie steadied the ship, with the opening pair eventually posting a respectable 30 runs. Kermie 22, Gristle 8.

The Big Cheese (a.k.a. "El Capitano") and Glady then got down to the business of slaying the Polar Bears without even a hint of mercy. In a display reminiscent of sealers beating Arctic seal pups to death with wooden clubs, Cheesy (20 runs) and Gladdy (23 runs) clubbed the Polar Bears to all parts of the ground. 43 runs - call in Greenpeace!

Itchy and Billy, clearly the fittest of the Fathers, highlighted their innings by RUNNING A TWO! Surely such a feat is worthy of a FINE (for making the rest of us look bad) but the FFCC Rule Book is strangely silent on the subject. A solid partnership yielding 17 runs (Itchy 12, Billy 5).

Closing an innings is a GIANT task, so who better for the job than the elongated duo, Nads and Norris? Nads was at his customary swashbuckling best, slamming TWO SEVENS (the only two of the Fathers’ innings) but it was the vintage display by Norris that really caught the eye. His deft glides and elegant glances had many Fathers questioning whether or not a ring-in (on stilts) had crept on to the pitch in Norro’s place. Nads 18, Norris 16. Innings closed with a total of 124 but would it be enough?

The Polar Bears got off to a solid start, posting 13 runs off Itchy’s opening over. Enter Billy. “The kid” no more, Billy’s 3-for-minus-3 over set the Polar Bears back on their backsides. Norris and Kermie immediately followed up Billy’s great work by snatching 2/-4 and 3/-7 respectively, bringing the Polar Bears’ opening partnership to an end with a score of minus one. For all intents and purposes, it was GAME OVER!

The Polar Bears second pair ground out a respectable and boring 29 runs, despite some tight bowling from Glady and Cheesy. Another skin for The Fathers.

Norris and Billy followed up their great first efforts with more of the same, conceding just two runs a-piece in the first two overs of The Polar Bear’s third batting pair. However, by the time Itchy has conceded an unlucky 8 runs in the third over, the Polar Bears were entertaining hopes of taking the third skin. In an inspired act of captaincy, The Big Cheese then threw the ball to Nads. Cometh the moment, cometh the man! Bowling his customary slow wobblers, Nads started his over with a brilliant HAT-TRICK (fine credit) and had claimed another two wickets before he was done. His FIVE FOR MINUS TWENTY must surely rank among the finest single overs in FFCC history and sent the Polar Bears third pair back to the sheds with a combined score of minus 8.

Kermie, Cheesy, Gristle and Glady allowed the Polar Bears to pinch the final skin, 39 runs to 34, but not even that could take the gloss off another great win for the FFCC.

Top score – Glady (23 runs). Worst score – Billy (4 runs).

Best bowling – Nads (5 for -7). Worst bowling – Itchy (2 for 20).

Best net contribution – Nads (+25 runs). Worst net contribution – Gristle (-11 runs).

Final Score – The Founding Fathers 124 def. Polar Bears 60.


LATE BREAKING NEWS - FOUNDING FATHER CAUGHT UP IN "ENJO-GATE" SCANDAL!!!

In a dramatic development, it was alleged over post-match beverages that Snorky had attended an Enjo Party. For those unfamiliar with the concept, think "Amway" or "Tupperware" but in this case the product in question is a humble cleaning cloth. Surely no self-respecting Founding Father would allow himself to be caught up in such a event? At the time, it was assumed that The Snork must have been forced into it - unable to assert his manhood under the duress of some sort of no-sex ultimatum from his missus. HOWEVER, after contacting The Snork to hear his side of it, the Fathers assembled in the W.I.C.C. car park were stunned to learn that Snorky had attended the Enjo Party voluntarily (without his missus) AND had scandalously accompanied the missus of another Founding Father to the event! Needless to say, an Emergency FFCC Tribunal will be hastily assembled to determine the penalties for (1) failing to comply with Rule 16 and (2) Cutting another Father's grass.

In the meantime, if Snorky shows an unhealthy interest in your cleaning product needs (or your missus), advise him to seek counselling.