Itchy has to carry the Fathers the rest of the way

Peter Roebuck

Wednesday 10 December 2008

WESTON CREEK - From the looks of things, Itchy will have to put the Fathers on his shoulders from here to the next Grand Final, the way he did in the 2008 Grand Final, the way he did on that last magical finals series drive.

I confronted Itchy with that burden Monday and he didn't even blink.

Those slumped shoulders of yesteryear have given way to a ‘Bring It On’ swagger -- what every championship team needs to see in its leader.

"I like bowling the ball, believe it or not," Itchy said. "That's my specialty, that's what I'm here for. I take pride in our fielding game, and try to get us in good run out situations. That's what I grew up doing."

Placing this kind of onus on Itchy a year ago at this time would have frightened Fathers fans to death, but not now. Asking Fathers fans whether they'd prefer Itchy over Norris a year ago would have been dismissed as folly, but not now. Itchy knows this team so well, he loves The Big Game so much, that he has reached the stage of his development where he is fully capable of making everyone around him better, so fans shouldn’t sweat the big pre-Christmas games.

"Playing playoff games, and you win some of those big games, it gives you a sense, and your teammates a sense that no matter what happens, how we start, or what's going on in the game, we're gonna find a way to win this game, we're gonna find a way to bounce back," Itchy said.

The Fathers are WICC Open C champions for plenty of reasons -- the best fielding side in indoor cricket, the legs of Nads, Mayor McCheese and Madman, the pugnacious batting of Gladdy, Gilly and Hugo, Snorky and his coaching staff, superior veteran leadership -- and the winner who leads their revitalized bowling attack.

Editor’s note: Shortly after this article was published Itchy was dumped as captain in a vicious car park coup d'etat. It is unclear if this article was to blame or if it was related to Itchy’s man of the match performance in a sub-standard team loss to the ‘In2itive Bilby’s’.

'In2itive Bilby's vs Founding Fathers scorecard 'highlights' below (click for larger version)

Family Night at the WICC a Massive Success

The FFCC Fan Club rivals the Mouseketeers for sheer enthusiasm, raucousness and charm. And they were HOT! HOT! HOT!

Rosie
Jasmine
Millie
Liam
Angus
Archie
Jasper
Ella
Oscar
Tanja
Bianca
Amber
Brookie

And the Founding Fathers were scintillating HOT! HOT! HOT!

The Fathers took the ball in hand and The Hapless Thrill Killers were restricted to a paltry 158.

FFCC Bowlers:
Cheezy 2 for 10
Madman 3 for 12
Nads 1 for 13
Gladdy 1 for 16
Billy 2 for 17
Norris 1 for 24
Itchy 0 for 29
Snorkey 2 for 37

The Fathers were confident at the midway point except for Nads whose body language had all but conceded victory and forshadowed an early retirement. "We need to get back to our winning ways" said Nads. Itchy let rip and gave Nads a right good rev up and away the Fathers went. "We ARE winning Nads. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING - YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH SON! Now get out there and OPEN UP THE SHOULDERS!" Itchy sent in Snorky and Gladdy in a move of sheer genius rivalling Einstein's notion of the existence of a comological constant.

Snorky 16
Gladdy 22

The Fathers were well on there way with the first skin.
Next up Nads (prancing like a Gnu in croc infested waters) and Billy the Kid
Nads 34
Billy 8

The Fathers put on 80 runs in the first two partnerships and were on par for the required total of 159.

Enter Captain Itchy and Norris:
Itchy 15
Norris 30

Tail enders Madman and Cheezy needed 34 for victory:
Madman 31
Cheezy 44

200 runs on the board and Fathers were loitering with esky in the carpark before the Thrill Killers had collected the ball from the boundary.

MAN OF THE MATCH - MAYOR MCCHEESE ESQ.
CAPTAINS DRESSING DOWN - NADS
SITTER - TAKE YOUR PICK WE ALL DROPPED AT LEAST ONE
CATCH OF THE MATCH - GLADDY (hounourable mention to Itchy for snaring one that ricocheted off his box!)
FINES - Billy (for not getting a FINE) Snorkey (failed to take the hat trick) Snorkey (jack pot delivery - 14!); NADS AND MADMAN FOR GETTING THE CAPTAIN'S ORDER REGARDING THE OPENING BOWLER HOPELESSLY CONFUSED.

Founding Fathers juggernaut rolls on

WICC OBSERVER NOV 2008

Best on Ground MADMAN (49 not out) turns the "Dwayne Levrock Experience" into a glorious carpark celebration that the big fat Bermudian would be proud of indeed!

Sluggo would have had a tear in his eye first when MADMAN unleashed the bat and then later in the carpark he would've headed straight for the Mackers drive through after MADMAN produced 24 low carb blonde brewski little beauties.

The Fathers put on 160 and then continued a run of sharp fielding restricting the chasers to just 124.

Madman's opening partnership with Nads of 72 set the bar for the new season and the crowd went beserk after each of five smashing 7's by the openers.
Gilly (11) and Billy (not -20) added 7 runs in the next partnership and Billy earned the Captains FINE for getting out for Ball Tampering after kicking the ball in disgust in the final over. After getting out for a hat trick in the opening over (FINE EACH) the pair settled and shouldered arms.

Consolidation was the theme with Captain Snorkey (22) and Itchy (14) putting on 36 runs in the third partnership. Snorkey was unlucky to be run out after smashing a 7 and Itchy's rehabilitation looks to be complete as the reinvented batsman hardly offerred a chance niggling and nerdling 1's and 2's in a cameo role that included a glimmer of recent flare and brilliance with a safe, low to the ground blazing drive to long on for 7 runs.

Hugo (27 not out) (who subbed in for Harmie on short notice - CHAMP!) and Norris (18) quietly accumulated 45 runs in a textbook indoor cricket performance and near chanceless partnership setting a daunting 161 run chase for Sluggo's Sloshers.

Sluggo's men came out swatting but the guile and tenacity of the Founding Father was ever present and relentless. Despite giving up runs in the first chasing partnership (47) the Fathers were tight in the field and the batsmen were made to earn their runs. Wickets continued to fall in almost every over in the second partnership (29) and Sluggo's men were on 76 - just three shy of the par set by the Fathers. The sheer brilliance of Snorkey's Captaincy came into play with clever bowling changes and field placements. Norris, Nads, Snorkey and Billy combined to hold the third partnership to just 2 runs. It was all over red rover and the Fathers enjoyed the final partnership with one foot in the carpark.

BOWLING:
NADS 4 for 1
Billy 3 for 2
Snorkey 2 for 10
Norris 2 for 12
Gilly 2 for 17
Hugo 1 for 19
Itchy 1 for 29
Madman 1 for 34

One man who especially enjoyed himself in the carpark was Gilly with an ice pack on his right eye after doing a Rocky Balboa impersonation when one of Norro's bumpers was top edged straight into his nut. Did Gilly leave the nets for ice? Nup. Did Gilly hand over the wicket keeping duties? Only temporarily... while he searched for his right eyeball in the back corner, dusted it off, whacked it back in, adjusted his box and farted and he was back behind the stumps faster than ball tampering Billy could kick a drop goal. True Legend. The Stuff of Champions.

The carpark scene seemed subdued initially in comparison to previous Grand Final Glorious Celebrations. But after Madman's blonde's were passed around the mood quickly took on the swaggering gait of Champions.

Next week's match is 8:40pm. Harmie, Kylie and KEVIN! must be hankerin' for a run!

FOUNDING FATHERS MISSUSSES BIG NIGHT OUT - SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT WITHIN 24 HOURS

Love yus,
Norro

Grand Final Champions!!!!!!!

WESTY WICC - 28 OCTOBER 2008

In Grand Final glorious fashion, after a Semi Final display of supreme domination, the Founding Fathers carpark celebration was magnanimous.

SEMI FINAL RESULT
Founding Fathers 133 (runs on the board)
Happy Salmons 90 (FFCC fielding inform with top bowling)
Madman MAN OF THE MATCH 35 runs and 2 for 0!
Gladdy 19 runs and 4 for -8.
Itchy -9 runs and 0 for 43!!!!! TRIPLE FINE!!!!!!!


GRAND FINAL RESULT
Thrill Killers 105 (not enough runs on the board due to FFCC fielding factor!)
Founding Fathers 146 (Norris hit the 1 to take the lead and the Fathers never looked back)
NADS MAN OF THE MATCH with 35 runs and 3 for 7
Gilly 23 runs and 2 for 14
Billy the Kid 17 runs and 2 for 11
Itchy 20 runs and 3 for 16
Norris 12 runs and 3 for 9
Madman 10 runs and 2 for 10
Hugo 15 runs and 1 for 16
CAPTAIN Snorkmeister 14 runs and 2 for 22.


CAR PARK RESULT
Every single beer within a three mile radius of the carpark disappeared.
The esky was drained.
Norrisses shed was drained.
FINES were issued.

FOUNDING FATHERS AND MISSUSES BIG NIGHT OUT COMING SOON
Julip Lounge from 7pm
Dinner at Mecca Bar from 8:30pm

BYE NIGHT NEXT TUESDAY NIGHT: "MAD WEDNESDAY CELEBRATIONS"
ALL FOUNDING FATHERS INVITED
HAIL THE FOUNDING FATHERS!!
LONG LIVE THE KINGS!!

Founding Fathers on four game winning streak heading into finals

15 October 2008

Captain Billy the Kid sailed the Founding Fathers Juggernaut to its fourth straight win last night at the WICC.

The Fathers took out the C Grade minor premiership securing top of the table in the regular season with three skins and a win.

3rd place Happy Salmons weren't Happy Campers after suffering a serious blow to their finals campaign being drubbed by the Fathers 108 - 31.

"We're just hitting our stride heading into the semis" sputtered Billy the Kid after having a magnum of champagne dumped over his head in car park celebrations. "We demonstrated determined batting in the face of some handing bowling and fielding and then once again took control of the game with the ball - the blokes are unstoppable at the moment". The Founding Fathers are unquestionably the favourite heading into the "business end" of the season.

Nads' commitment lifted the team when he turned down a gala $180 per plate dinner freebee; instead choosing to get in there amongst it in the nets and then later in the car park.

The Fathers lost the toss and were sent in. Big mistake. Norris, back from a 5 week sojourn took the strike in the opening partnership with Hugo. The lads were quick off the mark compiling 23 off the first 16 deliveries but then lost wickets including some dubious calls and finished with a total of 25: Hugo 14 and Norris 11.
Billy and Gilly only added 12 in the second partnership after Gilly (-3) was bowled three times and run out once; Billy was 15 not out.
Gristle and Gladdy wrestled back control in an impressive partnership of 48; Gristle (26) top scored for the Fathers while down the other end Gladdy (22) put in a chanceless performance.
Nads (22) and Snorkey (1) added 23 setting a respectable total to defend.

Batting skills were on display in the first innings but a perky Happy Salmon squad took their chances and kept the Fathers from getting a wriggle on. The Fathers dug in nerdling 1's and nudging 2's. Only one 3 and just four boundaries were struck in the innings: Hugo with two fours and a three, and Nads and Gristle with a 7 each.

But the Fathers rose to the fielding standard and made life hard for the Happy Salmons taking early wickets in every partnership and pressured the batsmen to the end.

Billy relied on Nads to open from the car park end and Nads didn't disappoint with 2 for 1 and finished with figures of 3 for 5.
Snorkey was tidy bowling the second over and gave away only 3 runs for just the one wicket. Snorkey was Mr Consistent and finished with 2 for 6.
Gilly bowled the third over and kept the batsmen in check with 0 for 13 and finished with 1 for 20. Norris then took a first ball wicket after a long layoff and gave the batsmen nothing but trouble all night taking 3 for 25 with a bevy of chances going down.

The Happy Salmons had won the first skin 29 - 25 and the stage was set for a close encounter. But the Salmons swam too hard too early. They were never in the match after Gladdy, Hugo, Billy and Gristle stepped it up a notch with fearsome pace and generally good length bowling, mixing it up with odd bouncer and full swinging seamer:

Gladdy 1 for -5
Hugo 3 for -9
Billy 2 for -2
Gristle 3 for -10
The second partnership was -26 and the Happy Salmons were anything but Happy Campers.

Gladdy finished with 2 for 1; Hugo 6 for -20; Billy 3 for 11 and Gristle 5 for -12.

Hugo deserved man of the match with best bowling figures and a net contribution of +34 but was barely pipped by Man of the Match Gristle with +38.

Hugo takes out the coveted "Over of the Season" award with his first over where all 8 balls were bowled to the same batsman who simply could not get off strike: Catch, Dot, Stumping, Wide, Legside Wide, No Ball, Stumping, Dot. Champion.

The Fathers took 26 wickets and Gilly was particularly busy behind the stumps effecting catches, run outs and 5 stumpings.

The car park festivities were extravagant with top shelf Crownies courtesy of the Snorkmeister. The Esky was practically drained and there was much rejoicing.
It was unanimously agreed that FINES will be issued in the finest of Founding Fathers tradition at Ike's 40th on Saturday night where many of the Founding Fathers Old Timers and FFCC Pensioners are rumoured to be coming out of hiding for the gala event. The night is sure to be a BIG ONE and will no doubt go down in the annals of Canberra folklore.

NEXT WEEK SEMI FINAL 8:40pm
The Semi Final Team was agreed in the car park: (Changes: Itchy IN for Gristle OUT)
1. Captain Billy the Kid
2. Norris - Beer Boy
3. Nads - Body Language Consultant
4. Hugo - Best Dressed
5. Itchy - The Babe Ruth of Indoor Cricket
6. Snorkey - BIG GAME SPECIALIST
7. Gilly - Youthful Enthusiast
8. Gladdy - Lethal Weapon

Cheersquad:
Gristle, Our Kylie, Choco, Inzy and Kermie (ineligible due to not having played the minimum five matches this season)
Cheezy (minor calf strain)
Harmie (semi final umpire irritant strategist)
Madman (semi final sledging coach)
Various FFCC retirees and pensioners.

Fathers give 'The Ducks' a cricket lesson

News In Brief

'And then there were four'

Last night was our first victory for a while, we started out with five (Gilly, Glady, Cheesy, Billy & Itchy) but went to four halfway through the first dig when Cheese went down with a calf tear.

It looked pretty bad, he couldn't put weight on it so he may be out for a while. Let us know how it's going Cheese, hopefully you'll have a quick recovery. At any rate the four left dug in hard and restricted The Ducks to 116 under the captaincy of Billy. In reply the Fathers posted 143 for a famous 'backs to the wall' victory with Itchy top scoring with 41.

Too many fine credits to count were handed out including +100 to Gilly for bringing beer when he noted that our nominated beer boy could no longer play. The inaugural 'Clubman of the Year' contest is now wide open again!! More to follow on the weekend (including the previous two match reports).

Intuitive Bilbys destroy FFCC's best

188 to 96!

Not a lot more needs to be said. Read down the card and weep.....

At Bat:
Cheesy: 16
Gladdy: 10
Gristle: 3
Kylie: -12
Harmie: 18
Gilly: 20
Itchy: 13
Nads: 28 (best batting)

Bowling:
Gladdy: 0/18
Cheesy: 1/34
Itchy: 1/22
Gilly: 1/43
Harmy: 3/10
Nads: 3/0 (best bowling)
Gristle: 0/28
Kylie: 1/28

We can do better Fathers!! C'MON!!!

2008 showdown at the WICC

It was perhaps the Thrill Killer’s greatest triumph in sports history, the 2008 showdown at the WICC still invokes jubilation in every Killer's mind. Similar to twenty-five years ago, when Kapil Dev's devils pulled off one of the greatest wins, against the mighty West Indies at Lord's, to script a remarkable day for Indian cricket. Back then, hailed as the underdogs, India beat England in the semifinals and then went on to lift the trophy on June 25, 1983. Yes the parallels are remarkable. But instead of the well wishers sending in their hero messages to that Killer team, this week it was to that Fabulous Father’s outfit that the messages flooded.

See below…..


130 Comments | Post Comments
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Joshua said...

Hay Snork, You are a hero mate.. don't mind on these dogs.. You have done something BIG than these posters and you done Bigger than this BCCI.. You are a real HERO.. We all love you so much. Yeah me man, BIIIG LOVE, you know what I sayin. You are something very humble than any so called youngsters and so called great cricketers.. You are the best.. never mind again they can't remove your image from our heart.. take care and continue your good work forever at the WICC..(Posted: Sept 12, 2008, 2:50 pm)

satya said...

congrats to itchy’s devils on winning the world cup'83 (well whatever you call it out there at the WICC) (Posted: : Sept 12, 2008,2:50 pm)

d.chitti babu said...

salam 2008 WICC cup heroes(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008,12:16 pm)

K.Muthusamy said...

A very happy occassion After 25 years, we have found another captian in CH CH CH Choco man. Who can repeate what Kapil's Devils have done in 1983 But it is very sad Kapil & Co is not part of the WICC now. My personal request is for the Mr.Shard Pawar, a shrewed politican who has brokered many alliances even between the arc rivals in politics – well he should step into the fold at the WICC – cuz those bastards are angry, particularly that gnarley Burger boy ref. What the hell am I on about, dunno, but I am confident CH CH CHoco will respond postively as he is known for his love and effection for CRICKET. Hearty congrates to the FFCC Team. You lost but fuck yeah, you de champs (Posted: : Sept 12, 2008,11:48 am)

k parthasarathy said...

I hereby wish the FFCC 2008 Cricket Heros to enjoy very well the Siver Jublie celebratios at da WICC. The achievment made by them to much trophy and will remain in the WICC folklore history as the best and first biggest one. Wishing you for a very Happay Silver Jublie Celebrations. k parthasarathy chennai(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008, 10:22 am)

Jey Shan said...

When I was age 17 I am playing under 17 college cricket and practicing my Jaffna Hindu college cricket grounds. After finished our practice in the dressing room our master in charge listening cricket commentary and told us India all out 183. We was shocked and think this time West Indies going to win the world cup. After I came home switch on the radio score was 143/7 there after India won the World Cup. It was amazing victory. Much like other night at WICC. Congradulation to the 1983 Indian team and to FFCC – you lose but you win my biggest heart. I never forget the Nad’ss’sss’ (bugger me, when ees possible to finish say these fucking name) word "We never scored well but we wont allow the oppostion team easily chase that" thats spur the all FFCC players and ther play well and won that world cup (well not quite – but shit ay). That is a good captain ship. So well done too Itch and other team players. (Posted: Sept 12, 2008,6:51 am)

banti paul said...

well done Big Cheese and all boys. and we still dont know when tat moment of success is gonna come back again (well maybe only next week when Notto – or was dat Nozzo – return to captain, after shit Itch performance). cheers guys(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008, 4:30 am)

MAYANK said...

It was India's greatest triumph in sports history – much like FFCC at WICC dees week. Billy playe Spectacular inning aginst Silly Willys and one of the great indoor inning ever seen.I want to congratulate Itchy’s men and him self. Billy also ball beatufully during match and Nad's cath running back ward/sideways/whatever – oh baby, horn.(Posted: : Sept 12, 2008, 1:50 am)

hashank gujar said...

Gilly Gilly Gilly boy, and his team of 2008, world cup is great. We remember jimmy amarnath and mr. sandhu that well left delivery that took gordon greenidge is wicket, but this nothing compared with boy Gilly. Give Gilly paji the due respect, no two ways asked. What he did last week to world cricket, i reckon no one ever did winning a world cup as good as Gilly at WICC. Period. Stop. Full. Paji for PM - no question asked. give him the respect. That boy Gilly paji boy = R E S P E C T(Posted: Sept 12, 2008, 1:49 pm)

S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-Sorry Fathers

The prematch humble apology by our favourite umpire was made to all and sundry. Even Itchy got to shake young burgers soft hand, no doubt conditioned from the array of skin creams he uses to nurture his glowing complexion. Nice work burger boy...but you're still a cock.

The Polar bears, well they look impressive in the field, sharp bowling and tidy fielding kept the fathers to 123 with solid contributions...well... Itch's first innings of 4 may not quite have been called solid but the rest were blazing. Itch made amends second time around with a David Fosteresque choppy 15, little did the bears know about our secret weapon. Notably Billy (13) has adopted a new style of batting...panache and grace and a silky wristy roll, are you trying to look too good for us mate? Was your new girlfriend in the bleachers? If its a substance can we have some?

Once out on the field the fathers adopted a 1/Ike body posture and played with confidence and a belief not seen for some time. Gladdy too would have held his head high if he indeed possessed a neck. Norro's captaincy was solid, throwing the great Gladstone in to open with great results, like his namesake before him and minus the tan he ripped through the openers with a 2 for -5. After a start like that we were never going to fail and despite some ordinary fielding from the inner south spastics the stump throwing was exemplary. Even Snork got one! (drug assisted).

It is certainly nice to play against a team when you can actually enjoy the match, are ya listening burger boy? And the euro carpark beers (one free carton with a packet of saos from Aldi) went down with a joy not seen in some weeks. Stirling tyre squealing accompaniment from the WCB (Weston Creek boguns) made Norros heart fill with pride as he realised that in only a few short years Jasper will be able to keep us all entertained. Right after his morning bake. Aaaaaaaah where did the years go....

Fines
Harmie - for not rolling up and sending some dick called SHAWN!
Itch - for being selected to bat again and for sitter or the match (henceforth known as the grub ball)
Snork - for being a spastic
Nads - for his council jacket
Norris - for his 'morning bake' drive
Gladdy - for having your L plates at 47
Billy - for pretending that you actually have mates except for us

Man of the Match - SHAWN
Product of the Match - Topex
Team of the Match - the magnificent SEVEN

FFCC Match Aborted Due to Burger Boy Tanty

Dear Santa,

I was really hoping for a few doses of those cool new steroids that Tour de France folks can't detect but after being a naughty boy at the WICC last night I'm afraid all I'll get is a lump of coal for Christmas again this year.

I didn't mean to have a nasty little temper tanty but after Billy the Kid called me Superman and Snorkey bowled that pacey bouncer 3 metres over my head I just couldn't hold it together anymore.

My girlfriend wasn't going so good as umpire and she kept disagreeing with my wide and no ball calls and it really made me feel like how poor Greg Bird must have felt.

Those guys from the FFCC are just so cool and look so good in those tie dyed shirts and we didn't even have matching shirts and my girlfriend gave me -5 and I was really embarrassed.

I was doing ok early on in the match when we held Gilly (15) and Choco (13) to a 28 run partnership. I was making all the right calls behind the stumps and my girlfriend was agreeing with every decision I made and I think the FFCC guys thought I was really cool.

And then when Cheezy (-1) and Gladdy (-7) seemed to stop trying and wouldn't look at me and just ignored all my cool antics behind the stumps I started really getting angry.

Snorky (8) and Norris (3) didn't talk to me either and Norris complained about no one being able to hear my girlfriend but I just didn't understand because it didn't matter because I was making all the right calls.

And then we couldn't get Billy (10) out and Kylie (24) resurrected the match for the FFCC dudes.

I just knew we wouldn't be able to chase down the 66 we needed for victory and so when I came into bat I didn't bother running between the wickets so at least the FFCC guys would think that I am really cool. And I swore a lot and walked across the pitch at the non strikers end when they were bowling just so I would get their attention. And then when Billy called me Superman and Cheezy and Snorkey started to try to take my head off with bouncers I just wanted to go and lay in the corner and cry and cry.

But my girlfriend sent me off after I had a little tanty and I guess I'm not going to get any for a little while. I guess I was a bit mean to my girlfriend because she was crying so much after she sent me off that they decided they shouldn't bother finishing the match.

Tony rang me today and said Norris had given him the low down and that I shouldn't bother coming back to the WICC anymore and the FFCC didn't even have to pay for the match. And now Gilly has a date with my girlfriend on Friday night. Maybe I'll try Netball, I think I'd look good in a skirt.

Ok I'd better get back to flipping burgers at my cool job at the Fyshwick servo.

NEXT WEEK - 8:40pm
1. Billy the Kid
2. Billy the Kid's mate
3. Nads - BEER BOY
4. Norris - CAPTAIN
5. CHOCO - unfinished business
6. Itchy
7. Gladdy
8. Harmie

Let Itchy know if you can't play...

Fathers Body Language - ARREEEEBA!!!!

The body language was the difference in a determinedly expressive six man FFCC crew tonight at the WICC.
Returning from a spell, Nads lead from the front displaying an unusually aggressive demeanour and even reckoned he needed to get more angry after smashing four sevens, stamping his foot on The Ducks and putting them well and truly out of their misery.

The Ducks lost the toss and went downhill from there. Norris knew a run fest was on with six a side and decided runs were king. (Billy's mate was a late withdrawl (flu) and Kermie didn't bother to turn up - has anyone seen Kermie?) The FFCC squad had recently proven their mercenary run getting appetite and with the likes of Gladdy, Cheezy, Itchy, Billy, Norris and In Form Nads bowling at the death The Ducks were always going to struggle chasing runs.

Gladdy and Itchy solidified their position at the top of the order backing up last week's 56 run opening stand with a solid 46. Itchy top scored with 39 runs and lately he's had every bowler in The Creek looking lost without a paddle.

Norris (27) and Cheezy (25) continued the theme with Norris knocking a four off the first delivery and neither batsman looked back. But for a scintillating seven saving catch at the back net off one of Norro's trademark punishing drives, the partnership was without loss for 52 runs.

Billy the Kid (28) took the strike in the premiership partnership with Nads (12) who strutted and jumped like a caged animal barking and howling at the nonstrikers end practising his cover drives, cuts, pull shots and full on flat bat swipes. There was nothing defensive about Billy the Kid either. The pair peppered the nets shot after shot picking the gaps and turning the fielders inside out on their way to a 40 run partnership. The pair batted on to close out the innings putting on a match winning 68 runs.

The score board never lies and at drinks the scoreboard said "Founding Fathers - 206, The Ducks - no hope in hell."

The Fathers took to the field sprinting up and down and back and forth in their warm up. Nads encouraged, threatened and assaulted anything in his path. Trend setting throwing and fielding skills were on display while the Ducks argued amongst themselves regarding the batting order.

Billy the Kid opened the bowling as the crowd's cheering and barracking built to a deafening roar. The Ducks looked like they had the answers and chased down the skin putting 61 on the board taking the FFCC home crowd out of the match. Norris looked to the cricket Gods and saw wickets. The Fathers tightened in the field and Gladdy bowled a scorching opening over to the second pair giving up just three runs. Norris injected himself into the match and took a first ball wicket. The crowd went wild! Billy battened down the hatches with a tidy 1 for 7 and Norris, sensing weakness, went for the throat taking the ball in hand delivering a match winning 2 for 1 that sent the crowd into a climactic frenzy!

Nads, Gladdy Itchy and Cheezy made it look easy and brought it home with two overs each and debutant wicket keeper Billy the Kid took the match by the scruff of the neck with stumping after stumping mixed with catches behind the stumps, spectacular run outs and dance moves that had Johnny Travolta out of his seat bowing and chanting "Leeeeeegeeeeeeennnnnnd!" Be very aware Gilly.

Fathers 206, The Ducks 142
Skins 3 to 1

Batting
Itchy 39
Billy 28
Norris 27
Cheezy 25
Nads 12
Gladdy 7
Nads supplementary runs 36
Billy supplementary runs 32

Bowling
Norris 3 for 11
Itchy 2 for 25
Gladdy 1 for 6
Cheezy 1 for 23
Billy 1 for 27
Nads 1 for 27
Supplementary Bowling:
Gladdy 0 for 10
Nads 1 for 14
Cheezy 2 for 1
Itchy 2 for -2

Injuries
Cheezy - jarred thumb off a straight drive at the back net - lots of ice and rest from work should sort it out (sitter of the match runner up off Nads - it went for 7!)

Sitter of the Match
Itchy - tricky side back net (off Nads again) but was well positioned and would have been a certain catch with the standard Itchy waste high knee lift.

FINES
Cheezy (1) - failed to take the hat trick
Itchy (3) - failed to take the hat trick, sitter, Captains dressing down (what is it with batting superstars? KP syndrome?)
Kermie (3) - failed to turn up

Car Park
Brilliant - nice work Cheezy with the Carlton Draughts.

Father of the Week goes to NADS FOR MATCH WINNING BODY LANGUAGE!!

NEXT WEEK - 8:40pm
1. Norris - Captain, beer boy
2. Nads
3. Billy the Kid
4. Cheezy
5. Gladdy
6. Our Kylie
7. Snorkey
8. Gilly

BREAKING NEWS
Congratulations to Madman who had a BABY GIRL!!!
Wet the head 7:30pm next Tues at the Irish Club (before the match)
Nads has announced the drinks are on the FFCC!

Beijing comes alive with introduction of the Founding Fathers

Reuters

A lackluster Beijing Olympics was awakened from its tedium last night by the introduction of the sexy new Olympic demonstration sport, indoor cricket.

With the pride of the game on the line and the potential for billions of people to be introduced to the spectacle of indoor cricket there was a lot riding on the match. Fortunately the crouching tiger Norris and the hidden dragon Itchy did not disappoint and combined to put the 'Smashed Budgies' to the sword in the first ever indoor cricket match at the Beijing Olympics.

Despite missing the opening ceremony on Friday night due to a dearth of sponsorship dollars the Fathers responded well considering the match had to be moved from Beijing to Weston Creek.

After winning the toss the Fathers put the little Budgies in to the field. Perhaps the Budgies were distressed at not playing in their favored birds nest stadium or perhaps they were just suffering in the 35 degree heat and 90% humidity but whatever the case their bowlers were just not up to the task.

The normally unflappable Australian Olympic broadcaster Bruce McAvaney summed it up best last night when he exclaimed, "Forget Hackett, forget Phelps and forget Olympic feats of yore, the real excitement machines of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing are the Founding Fathers!"

To be fair, Bruce had a point last night. The flashing blades of the Fathers batsmen decimated the Budgies attack and by the time the 16 overs were done the wounded Budgies had conceded 189 runs and a lot of cuttlefish in side bets.

Top scoring bat was Harmie with Norris and Snorky providing bludgeoning cameos also. Highlights included Norris being bowled around his leg by a ball deceptive in its timidity of pace and straight flight.

When the time came to take the field the Beijing Fathers did not yield to the temptation to take it easy and rest for later Olympic encounters. Instead the Fathers amped it up a bit more and sent down exocet after exocet missile. The fielding Fathers supported their bowlers with feats reminiscent of Jackie Chan and Jet Li at their lithesome best. Tumbling here and tumbling there to gather up the ball combined with laser like throwing accuracy to have the Budgies on the rack early.

In truth the Budgies never had a chance against the Olympic debutant Fathers and it ended with them posting a paltry 91 chasing down the Fathers 189.

The only question that remains is how far the Fathers can take this new found interest in indoor cricket that their Olympic debut has created? Will they take eventual gold against the highly fancied Slovaks? Will they move the franchise to China to capitalise on the emerging Asian fan base? The streets of Beijing are already lined with vendors selling replica Fathers jerseys and autographed score sheets are in hot demand.

A new cultural revolution for China perhaps? Only time will tell but one thing is for sure, the 2008 Beijing games mark the beginning of a new era in Olympic and FFCC history.

BREAKING NEWS
In related news last nights explosive entry onto the Olympic scene sent a strong message to potential FFCC sponsors.

FFCC manager, Khoder Nasser, and ardent supporter Anthony 'Choc' Mundine were unequivocal in denouncing the Australian business community for not getting behind this great Australian team, "look mate, we all know it's because the boys are Muslims that no one has sponsored them. Racism and religious bigotry in this country has to be stamped out".

When it was later pointed out that none of the FFCC squad was, in fact, Muslim Khoder was quick to clarify his earlier statement, "Sorry guys, my mistake. I have two clients with similar names, Sonny Bill Williams and Sonny Bill Wilson, it's confusing. I meant to have said that Australian sponsors are ageist. I'll be the first to admit that the boys are not necessarily spring chickens but their good looks, panache and dogged determination have got to be worth something to someone surely? Hello Viagra?"

FFCC player representative 'Nads' was believed to be holidaying with Sonny Bill Wilson and the Khmer Rouge on the Laos Cambodia border and could not be contacted for comment.

Fathers back where they belong

There was a sudden unveiling of nerves for some reason as I sat down at my computer to write this tale of 8 impeccable sportsman, maybe because of the brilliant write ups before me or perhaps just because of the lies I was about to spit. The truth is that I have always been a good fiction writer in a short story kind of way. So that's exactly what this will be a short story of men, likes of which have never been seen before to face battle on the court,on a dark and stormy night.

Due to the obvious scare factor that the Fathers bring onto the court our opposition John's Jokers were two men down, I don't think we are so intimidating that we would cause people not to show up but it seemed to be the case. So we took to the field first with a not so bad could be better opening over by Billy the good looking kid. To be sure our next three bowlers Norris Snork and cheesy bowled great figures, in a word indestructible Norris giving 11 runs Snork a brilliant ZERO and two wickets with a stumping by Gilly and a run out in the field. Cheesy with a solid five runs given, making the first quarter of football, sorry cricket a great start. Next in was Gladdy with his deceiving slow run up only to fire them out at 100 miles an hr with a great 6 runs given. Mad man gave an Honorable first over on paper due to the class in the field surrounding him but giving a personal two wicket heist in his second lapping up a four wicket all day performance. Snork in his second over, again solid with one wicket for four. Followed by two slightly heavier performances by Itchy with 15 and Norris 23 the Fathers powered home in the field with some out of this world keeping by Gilly and some tight ass bowling by the tail enders not giving away much at all. So in short we bowled and fielded a competent half of indoor cricket giving away only 140 runs, a doable target.

First in for the Fathers with the wood was Gilly and Gladdy showing nothing but class only giving away one wicket and making a sexy start of 48 runs. Only to be followed by a legendary pair in billy and mad man scoring a stable 33 between them, mad man 32 billy 1 OUCH!. Itchy and Snorky coming into bat at a intricate part of the match needing to really pull some runs together to make the win a shore thing, a score of 27 left our big hitters Cheezy and Norris in a plump position to collect a ripe old final score of 162.

Once again the Fathers are back in the winners circle.

Fathers narrowly avoid victory

Last week the Fathers faced up against the Happy Salmons, a fellow team competing with shirts that some may consider dangerous to wear in the Weston and Charnwood areas, however they proved to be more than just a mob of "try-hard metros".

Batting first, the Fathers found themselves in a strong position after the opening pair of Mad Man and Nads built a steady partnership of 40, with Nads playing some cavalier shots to notch up 2 maximums to bring up a solid score of 24. Unfortunately Mad Man was the victim of the first of a series of poor judgements from our official, Blind Freddy. The following pair of Snorky and Gladdy threatened to cut loose, but were unable to continue the flow of runs and managed 14 together. Their progress restrained by the regular unwelcome interjections of Freddy.

In third was the somehow prolific pairing of Norris and Harmie, producing a majestically dour 49, as they proceeded to send the fielding side to sleep with their consolidation of the innings. Norris grafting a textbook 23 and Harmie milking a painful 26. With the Fathers sitting on 103, the fourth pair of Itchy and Gilly were looking to build a formidable total. At this point the court lights turned off and when they came back on again, the Fathers were 107 from their 16 overs. Some believe this was the work of Blind Freddy, however the claims cannot be substantiated. Gilly apparently managed to acquire 18 runs in the darkness.

Despite some setbacks with the bat, the Fathers appeared upbeat in the field, only to the see the Salmon's opening pair nick their way to 49. Nads the only shinning light with the ball in the first 4 overs, bagging 1/5. The Fathers then hit their straps in the next 4 overs to restrict the Salmons to a total of 66. Gladdy (1/0), Mad Man (2/1) and Itchy (1/3), dragging the Fathers back into the match.

The Salmons next pair managed to rack up 28, however Snorky (1/3) and most notably Norris with a huge over of 4 for -8, still managed to give the Fathers a sniff of victory. With the Salmons needing 14 off the last 4 overs, Gilly (2/1) and Harmie (2/0) left them with some work to do in the last 2. However just when the Fathers were gaining momentum, Blind Freddy stepped in to give the Salmons a helping hand, missing some clear stumpings and run outs to push to Salmons over the line by only 2 runs.

Overall, some promising moments splattered with some "special" ones, which were mostly forgotten when the Fathers gathered in the Weston car park to witness Mad Man revealing his esky on wheels filled with amber sports drinks. At some point late in the evening some wild and crazy stories were told of hoards of mad men riding around a mountain for 24 hours non-stop. When some members of the Fathers signalled their intention to join this wacky cult, it was determined that the "Weston Freeze" was taking affect and that all should escape to the safety of their homes.

Grumpy Umpie Foils Fathers Fun Flogging Foolish Flies

Mussolini returned to umpire at the WICC after a prick of a day at work and the discovery that his girlfriend had spent the afternoon with the Maggots captain. He was in a mood that rhymed with bunt. Nothing like spending a hundred bucks when you get 100% effort from the opposition - knobs. Ol’ capn was knackered from his afternoons exploits and umpie took 5 for each stroke. So 10 runs down and ol’ victa (two stroke) launched into a volley of verbal abuse giving Gilly the best figures of his career. Not bad for a bloke that was diagnosed with Ebola not 2 weeks prior. Gilly also knocked up a handy 27 pad free. Great to have him back, though he was lucky to escape equipment abuse with some glove throwing.

The wicket and bowling was also to Itchy’s taste – his characteristic fleet footed front foot play was sublime in his knock of 40 (world record) and his agile back court catching of the maggots bullets was nothing short of superb. Other notable batting performances were Nads 38, the enigmatic Cheesy 30 and Norro with a brilliant 8…Jimmy Higgs coaching has really helped him along. Look I can crap on all day but it was noted that my card run thru was dreary and boring - and I might add so was the game. Abuse, counter abuse, fines, reports and complaints - a distinct lack of effort and a win that was assured before the maggots 6th over. Crap really, and we can only hope things will improve.

Car park beers were spent fighting over admin duties more specifically dealing with the late pullouts from the frog – Billy’s 5.30pm party invite (but a good knock Bill – 24) also copped some abuse from the Canook. So after Norros’ uncompromising withdrawl from his post Itchy and I decided to take on the administrative duties. Good on ya Itch. Just an aside to let you know my hair has grown back where my head was scraping on the roof of the pimp mobile on the way home, and Amber wondered why I smelt of cheap perfume. Happy to let you pick me up as long as its dark.

The only other thing to emerge from the cool rarified atmosphere of the car park was the impending FATHERS FAMILY TRIP TO BALI. Put a week aside next July – first week of school holidays. Think about it – but leave the boogie board at home. Norro’s the mule. Kids, Missuses, Fathers and pets are welcome. It will be one of those things that will be remembered with great fondness as you draw your last breath, and the great thing is that the kids will be so knackered after a day in the pool they will be asleep by 6! Arak o’clock. More details to follow. Word up the Missuses, but don’t write it on your hand Gladdy.
Capn Snorkwash

Fathers push 'Juicy Ham' hard, get hammered

Butchers Weekly Gazette

It was a close-run thing against 'Juicy Ham' last Tuesday, but the six man (and one ringer) Fathers outfit ended up being hammered by 42 runs.

Nads and his men battled manfully, and pushed 'Juicy Ham' hard, but in the end 'false promises' and 'bullshit and bluster' were no match for basic cricketing skill and ability, and it was the 'Hams' who emerged victorious.

The Fathers started well and claimed their first major victory of the season, when they won the toss and elected to field first.

From there it was all downhill as the B Grade 'Hams' went nuts and slugged away at the hapless Fathers attack.

By the time the 'Hams' had finished with the Fathers 16 overs their score stood at a respectable 172. The Fathers fared a little better with the bat but by the time the smoke cleared they had come up short by 42 runs.

A day to forget in Fathers folklore.


NEXT WEEK'S MATCH - 7.20pm

1. Nads
2. Gladdy
3. Snorky (el Capitano)
4. Itchy (beermeister)
5. Kermie
6. Gristle
7. Gilly
8. Norris

Pending call up: Billy the kid, Madman, Harmie, Hugo etc